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Original poster

Give me hope - stories of finally finding someone

34 replies

Kai1981 · 11/04/2022 16:49

Two years out of a very traumatic divorce, started dating again and met someone lovely but it didn't work out.

I'm still having a very tough time of it personally (but working on myself, counselling, meditation, the works). Not in a rush to jump into a relationship but struggling to keep going with dating, even though I do want to meet someone. I need some hope really.

Can you share your stories of meeting someone after a long time of looking please?

OP posts:
Musttryharder2021 · 11/04/2022 17:04

Do you have children? Or you would like to have them? What do you think a romantic relationship will bring to your life?

alwaysmovingforwards · 11/04/2022 17:09

You say you’re not in a rush to jump into a relationship but you do want to meet someone.

If you want a relationship, accept you have to kiss sone frogs and be resilient.

Or get busy doing something else with your time and energies.

To want a relationship but to be half hearted about meeting new people is unlikely to work.

PriestessofPing · 11/04/2022 17:10

Spent a good five years mostly single and had felt i’d never meet anyone. Met someone coming up a year ago now and he’s bloody brilliant. Love him to pieces and it keeps getting better and better.

I had plenty of shit times in the dating apps and what seems to work for me was taking a break and focusing on myself and then being really clear about all the positive things I loved in life. I literally just put a list on my profile of them and it really changed the type of men contacting me.

Im in my forties and can say this is so far the loveliest relationship i’ve ever been in. Even if it doesn’t work out I will regret nothing as it’s been eye opening, genuinely didn’t realise it could be as lovely as this. It also truly helps that i’m very happy in my life now after many years of trauma so even if this goes tits up I trust and know i’ll be fine after some sadness.

Hope that’s a decent enough positive story!!!

Original poster
Kai1981 · 11/04/2022 17:21

No I don't want children. I have a fulfilled life, two careers (one from a hobby), lots of friends and family but I get lonely and would like to feel a connection with someone and have some intimacy. I've had/spent plenty of times in my life single and can get along fine, but it would be good to share my life with.

I'm putting the effort into the dating but am really looking for stories to keep inspiring me... just like @alwaysmovingforwards. Thank you so much. I'm sorry you had challenging times but am so glad you found someone lovely. I'm hoping it happens for me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kai1981 · 11/04/2022 17:22

Oh sorry it was @PriestessofPing, my mistake!

OP posts:
Xfan · 11/04/2022 19:48

People meet in all sorts of ways, all the time!

Do you have opportunities to meet new people?

Original poster
Kai1981 · 11/04/2022 20:14

Thanks yes quite a few through my two careers (one started off as a hobby as I say above).

The dating apps means I can meet a bigger pool of people who might have different interests and backgrounds. But it's not the meeting people that is the issue, it's the knowing you have to wait until the right time ... and that could be a long time.

So this post was about wanting to hear positive stories rather than needing advice really.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 11/04/2022 21:24

I was recently divorced back in the very early days of OLD. Match.com was so new that it was still free and most of the people on it were tech enthusiasts of one sort or another.

I saw a guy's profile that I really liked. No pictures back then, it was all down to how people described themselves. I was feeling like I didn't have much to lose, so I messaged him and asked if he wanted to chat on the phone. He did, then we met up and he was lovely and quite good looking. Long story short, we got married about two years later and have been together for 24 years and are very happy.

It really can happen.

MasFina · 11/04/2022 21:52

I agree that OLD needs to be part of a wider social effort to meet people. Not that this is necessarily easy either, depending on your age, commitments, interests.

Personally I’ve been on and off OLD for 2 years now and it hasn’t worked for me (yet). Lots of first dates and very very few 2nd dates. Mainly my choice not to progress but sometimes theirs. I did meet someone on Match before that though, we had a good 18 months together and are still close friends. So that’s some kind of success!

Sometimes it’s about being in the right (open minded?) mindset for dating I think. I’m getting a bit jaded with OLD, it feels like I almost know every ‘type’ of man on there which rationally I know can’t be true …. so it’s probably time to have a break.

B1rdflyinghigh · 12/04/2022 00:54

I was 6 years single. Dated on and off. Took 2 years out and despite meeting a few frogs, I finally met a man who has truly met all my expectations. Im 49, he's 56. We clicked with wonderful sparks on the first date. We are only months in, he's not shown any red flags and I thoroughly enjoy his company. and we have so many things planned.
I almost missed him because my age range was up to 54 years old.

But, the best advice I can give you, is take a year out. You'll learn that you are wonderful by yourself, you don't need a man. Dating gets so much easier after that.

Watchkeys · 12/04/2022 01:05

Not in a rush to jump into a relationship but struggling to keep going with dating

Then stop. Lots of people meet lovely partners after hard times, but not ones who force them to do things they don't enjoy, in order to look for something they don't need.

PanicInState · 12/04/2022 01:29

Then stop

Agree. If there's also still heaps you're working through focus on that instead of needing to be with someone.
That someone will come along when the time is right and likely when you least expect it. The desperation in your post will end up causing you to jump into the wrong relationships that won't work out because you're trying to settle for whatever comes along asap.

Original poster
Kai1981 · 12/04/2022 12:12

Thank you for all the advice.

Perhaps my original post wasn't clear. I was single for over two years after divorcing and enjoyed it.

I enjoy dating, I met the lovely person I mentioned on my first try of going on an app
The four other people I've had dates with were also very nice. I don't find dating a slog (hard work sometimes maybe, but overall fine). But what I find tricky is knowing I might have to wait a long time before it happens for me and that's what I mean about struggling to keep going.

So I was really looking for stories from others to inspire me I suppose, not advice about what I need to do differently necessarily.

OP posts:
timestheyarechanging · 13/04/2022 08:51

I'm 51 and been in a new relationship for almost a year now and it's great, he's lovely and we have fun together, do lots of nice things and are planning to move away together later this year once our respective properties are sold. I will buy a flat to rent out and he will buy a house for us to live in. I don't want to get financially tied as I have children and my property will be their inheritance.
I have adult children and he doesn't have any. We met through a mutual FB group. He friend requested me and I agreed as I saw we have many mutual friends and I recognised him from years ago when I was married as we moved in the same circles.
We met up and have seen each other 3/4 nights a week since. Our mutual friends are delighted that we got together.
His school friend is married to one of my best friends, for 25 years. We have loads in common; shared history of clubbing and travelling and the same political views, taste in music, films etc and both wanted to move to the coast from London before we met - so now it's becoming a reality!
My parents adore him. My kids are pleased. I'm very happy.
Good luck, yes it does happen.

timestheyarechanging · 13/04/2022 09:02

Oh, I split from husband 10 years ago, amicably but then got into an abusive relationship for too long (met through a family member but he hid his real self well from other people).
I only then dated people with whom I have a mutual friends on FB at least so I contacted them before I met up with the date. Had a couple of short term relationships that ended on friendly terms then a few months later, I met this one, who is a keeper!

Original poster
Kai1981 · 13/04/2022 14:23

Oh these are great stories, really glad that things have got better for you both. So lovely to hear, thank you.

OP posts:
Xfan · 13/04/2022 14:39

@Kai1981

Oh these are great stories, really glad that things have got better for you both. So lovely to hear, thank you.
I don't understand how do other people stories help you specifically?

I mean we all know it's possible.... it's just impossible to say for sure it will happen to you??

WhoppingBigBackside · 13/04/2022 14:41

You need to work on being happy in your own skin.

Original poster
Kai1981 · 13/04/2022 14:46

In the way lots of people are inspired by other people?

Not everyone is going to become an Olympic athlete but it might make them help run a bit faster or longer by watching others. Of course nothing is guaranteed (my own story shows me that)!

OP posts:
peachgreen · 13/04/2022 15:57

Thank you for this thread OP - I need to read these stories too, despite having lived one of my own.

I put a theatre ticket up for sale on Twitter, met up with the buyer to exchange it and boom - love at first sight. Completely unexpected but utterly wonderful. When we got together he was 36 and I was 30. We had 8 blissful years including marriage, moving countries, buying a house and having a baby.

Sadly he passed away suddenly in 2020 and I'm just starting to hope that I might meet someone else (I'm only 37) - reading these stories is very comforting.

Dacquoise · 13/04/2022 16:11

I didn't date for first six years after I got divorced due to the trauma of my awful marriage and concentrating on getting my daughter through the difficult time. Started online dating and fell into the trap of getting into a relationship with another emotionally unavailable man like my exH. Different person but similar behaviours.

Got some more therapy and had another go with a different mindset ie meet up quickly with potentials for drink only, don't bother with people that didn't click straight away but be kind and polite. Then met my partner and it was so easy, compatible, no games, reliable and generous spirited. Four years later very happy. First equal relationship with someone respectful and loving. I am in my fifties. It can happen but it's a numbers game.

Xfan · 13/04/2022 16:48

@Kai1981

In the way lots of people are inspired by other people?

Not everyone is going to become an Olympic athlete but it might make them help run a bit faster or longer by watching others. Of course nothing is guaranteed (my own story shows me that)!

Not really because meeting a partner isn't a meritocracy exercise....it makes no sense most of the time why people get together and even less sense why they stay together...and then those who talk about "settling" after they got what they needed to out of relationships like children...
Xfan · 13/04/2022 16:51

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excelledyourself · 13/04/2022 16:55

@Xfan shame on you.

peachgreen · 13/04/2022 17:01

@Xfan Yes, 18 months later I'm starting to think about dating again. Our marriage was so wonderful and brought me so much joy that I would welcome getting to experience that kind of love again - if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, and I certainly won't settle for anything less, but I know - because he told me! - that he would want me to be open to the possibility, and I am.

While your intention with this post was to upset me, I'm afraid it didn't work - it just made you look like a bit of a twat.

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