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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sex life

58 replies

IcePoppy2 · 09/04/2022 12:16

Sorry this is going to be long. DP woke me up at 7am this morning trying to initiate sex. I told him no as I wanted some more sleep. I was just dozing off when he tried again. Maybe I shouldn’t have but this time I told him to fuck off. I eventually fell back asleep but was woken up yet again by him getting out of bed and slamming the bedroom door. I didn’t think too much of it, I thought it may have been a mistake until I came down stairs and he wouldn’t speak to me. I asked him what his problem was and he said nothing. After another half an hour or so of ignoring me, I told him if something is bothering him I’d rather speak about it. Again, he told me nothing was the matter. Fast forward an hour later, we were in the car on our way to shopping. He tells me that he isn’t happy that I didn’t want sex. He basically said our sex life is boring and he doesn’t get it enough. He then starts calling me weird and said I’m a nun. He says that this is the reason why men cheat and that if he knew our sex life was going to be like this he wouldn’t have gone into a relationship with me. We’ve been together 9 years and have 2 young children. We have sex on average 2/3 times a week. I will admit that when I get into bed sometimes I do just want to go to sleep. He does have a higher sex drive than me and admittedly there are only a few times a month when my sex drive is high. But when we are having sex I do enjoy it. I’m just really hurt by his words and I don’t know what to say to him. I do feel really guilty that he feels this waySad

OP posts:
Mossstitch · 10/04/2022 22:31

@TheRossatron agree wholeheartedly........ Happily divorced👍😂

Mossstitch · 10/04/2022 22:38

In all seriousness mine put me off men for life, in 30 years of marriage (I know I was stupid) I never once got a hug or a cuddle or any display of affection without it turning into a grope. What is wrong with these men🤔🤷

AubadeIsIt · 11/04/2022 10:09

@Hrpuffnstuff1

Fgs stop comparing new lovers with old relationships bogged down the complexities of time.
Oh no again - I'm three years in with 'new' lover and still 20 times better.
Mermaidwaves · 11/04/2022 11:21

@TheRossatron

Every day I come on here and am reassured within 15 minutes that not being in a relationship isn't the worst thing in the world

Every. Fucking. Day.

This. Relationships suck!
Redruby2020 · 11/04/2022 11:32

@Sleepytimebear

This behaviour is very similar to my abusive ex e.g. implying he will leave/ cheat, guilt tripping you, implying you're the one with the problem, not taking no for an answer, disregarding your needs (sleeping), giving you the silent treatment or punishing you when he doesn't get his own way. Honestly I would consider this sexual coercion. Do you have other concerns about his behaviour - is this a pattern?
I agree. Been in that situation. Okay me and exP probably shouldn't of ever got together and the attraction I have had with other men was not there with ex. But it's down to the person and how they treat you as well. It's also a vicious circle because if they don't pay attention or aren't affectionate, then want sex and do things like what is happening in OP's situation, it just makes you want to do it less, and in turn the other person just acts even worse and it goes on and on. Waking you up for it is not on!
CandyLeBonBon · 11/04/2022 19:51

[quote IcePoppy2]@CandyLeBonBon Thank you, it’s a relief to know it’s not me. It’s just frustrating. He’s made me believe that I am the only woman that is like this, apparently every other woman “loves it” Just because I’m not in the mood for it 24/7 doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it, I’d just like to have a relaxing bath once in a while, or to just get into bed and go to sleep.[/quote]
I hear you. Mine would make everything about sex, to the point I didn't even want to cuddle because I knew where it would be expected to lead. I love sex. I just don't like being expected to be available for it 24/7 and be shamed for wanting to do something else!

HateASD · 11/04/2022 20:21

2/3 times a week Shock

Last time I had sex was in September Hmm! I'm just bloody knackered !

If he wants to cheat to get better sex let him cheat! Does he have time for a fucking affair?

DrBrennerFan · 11/04/2022 20:49

My ex was a sex pest he wanted it every day it lasted 10 minutes lube used every time I just up and let him get on with it just to shut him I left.

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