Sour OLD experience -

[Ywnaged]

I was hoping mumsnet could give me a little pep talk after a very unpleasant exchange yesterday on OLD.

A guy who I swapped numbers with but never met ‘liked’ one of my photos. I haven’t had contact with him since February when he didn’t respond to a message I sent. No big deal; I moved on.

When this notification popped up I did say ‘I find it a little annoying that you stopped contacting me but are now liking pics on my profile. Please can stop interacting with me.’

Cue his response:

• I look like a ‘dyke’ (I have short hair which I love)

-according to him it ‘wouldn’t work anyway’ because I don’t want kids - quite rich from a man who couldn’t find the time to respond to a message due to ‘work’

He then told me to enjoy living the ‘crazy cat lady life’ (at some point I had told him that I live by myself) again, rich coming from someone who lives at his parents’ place!

He then took a swipe at my political leanings (left fwiw) obviously trying to squeeze whatever info there was on my page to find ammunition to hurt me.

I might have bitten back against my better judgement but this experience has left me totally gobsmacked and despairing about the world of OLD. I’m on a long weekend away and I’ll admit that it’s soured it a bit and I’m finding it hard to brush off.

It also falls hot on the heels of another guy asking me why I had stopped contacting him - yesterday as well! I was upfront and said he didn’t appear to be respecting my time (endless messages, no plans to meet) so I had decided to move on. To be fair he took it with grace but it was annoying that he was another one making another attempt to get my attention.

I honestly feel like I’m going about this all wrong and could use some perspective. Why is it that some people are so ghastly in the face of rejection? Am I meant to be sweet and compliant and just be glad they’ve popped up again? Because that really goes against my outlook!

Just block and delete. They have shown you their true colours, you've had a lucky escape, and now you don't owe them any more headspace.

People on OLD can be very, very strange. I've learned not to try and understand it, just accept it and know that it's about them and their issues.

The first guy sounds bitter that you told him to stop interacting with you so he lashed out very immaturely.
Unfortunately some will pop back up, trying their luck again, best thing to do is just ignore them like they have no importance In Your life.

Yes, block and delete.

xx

Presumably if this guy liked your profile pic, you have him on social media?

Why?

And, if so, liking profile pics is what people do.

Either ignore it or delete him. There is literally no need for any drama (eg messaging) or keeping random dates on fb or whatever.

Sounds like you’re going about it right - with strong boundaries in place.

The problem isn’t you. It’s that unfortunately, a lot of men are twats.

Just try and forget it. Comments like this are meaningless when they come from nasty, desperate little men. He's probably been on there years, no one wants him and he feels you owe him something.

And if it was just your dating profile, then ignore, block and delete. Again, no need for any interaction.

*When this notification popped up I did say ‘I find it a little annoying that you stopped contacting me but are now liking pics on my profile. Please can stop interacting with me.’
*
Personally I wouldn't have sent this, I would have just blocked.

Actually I would have blocked him on everything when stopped responding in feb (mobile number, social media and the app).

Golden rule for online dating - When in doubt BLOCK 🤣🤣

@GreyCarpet i didn’t have him on social media. I don’t know why you felt the need to write severa times.

Because I thought of things I hadn't said that I wanted to say. That's all.

I don't see the need for the message though.

I had a friend's ex boyfriend like my profile pic 2 years after they split up. He was awful to her. I didn't message him though, I just blocked him.

Your boundaries sound good in that you didn't post here asking if it means he still likes you (as some people do) but I wouldn't have messaged him.

@GreyCarpet I think I’ve just reached levels of intolerance lately where I feel the need to call out disrespect instead of allowing it to wash over me.

Maybe I need to work out why I feel that way.

And yes. I couldn’t give a flying fuck if a misogynist likes me. I certainly don’t need that type of reassurance.

Ugh it's shitty isn't it! I dipped my toe into online dating after a ltr ended last year, and this one guy would sulk and not respond to me if I wasn't free at the weekend (he'd ask on either the Friday or Saturday if I was free at the weekend which seemed like short notice!)

Calling them out on their behaviour won't make you feel good for it when they come back, you've already cut them out your life so no need to fuel the fire. Silence is telling them, they don't matter to you anymore and they are unlikely to keep pestering, or block to prevent it.

Any possibility they are the same person? Just incase. Considering you hurt ones ego by rejection yesterday and then the next day, guy you've never met sends you nasty message.

Tbf though, you would have been better off just blocking him. The message you sent him...it was never going to get a nice response. Even if he was a nice human being instead of a spiteful git, he would probably still have told you to take the poker out your arse xD.

I get why you did it though, but it was a reaction on part, due to the hurt of the day before. This guy just irritated you further at the wrong time.

[quote Ywnaged]@GreyCarpet I think I’ve just reached levels of intolerance lately where I feel the need to call out disrespect instead of allowing it to wash over me.

Maybe I need to work out why I feel that way.

And yes. I couldn’t give a flying fuck if a misogynist likes me. I certainly don’t need that type of reassurance.[/quote]
Fair enough!

I suppose, I've just reached the stage where when a has man shown you he's a twat, I just assume twattishness for everything that follows.

I also wouldn't call someone out on twatishness if I didn't have to because I'd anticipate the kind of response you got. Which was twattishness!

I'd like to say don't worry, there are decent men out there but even decent men are capable of high levels of twatishness...

Your mistake was not blocking them immediately after sending it. Why wait for a response?

@AHungryCaterpillar I wasn’t quick enough but thanks for the morale support, I think

@Pinkbonbon definitely different people. Neither of whom I’d met. And yes, the take home from this is that silence is the best response.

But boy am I seething about the shit low bar behaviour I’m seeing on these apps.

Unfortunately some men use OLD as a chance to vent their frustrations about being single and lonely at women they'll never meet. It's horrible but you can't take it all onboard.

If you would like moral support during the highs and many lows of OLD come and join us on the Dating Thread, we're now reaching the end of the current one and the new one will likely start later today or tomorrow.

Honestly don't worry about it. He's just bitter and his words stung. Let it wash over you. If anything it'll make you wiser how to respond in the future. Good luck x

@SortingItOut thanks! My comment got buried last time though…

Wonder if they're married and looking to massage their ego's?

@seensome I think you’re spot on