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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What effect did lockdown have on your relationships?

72 replies

canisay · 08/04/2022 15:23

With your partner/family/friends?

I feel like I'm still feeling the effects of it. It was such a weird time and it just seems like some things have changed permanently.

OP posts:

SauvignonGrower · 09/04/2022 00:20

Initially I felt like it brought us closer together - before Covid he had a job with a lot of travel.

However, the past year or so has been HARD. Both still at home a lot. I find it hard to share the house space. It has certainly revealed a lot of problems in our marriage. Will we survive it? Maybe.

Appalonia · 09/04/2022 00:35

Killed it. I was completely alone. We didn't live together, so sex was effectively criminalized. It really highlighted how much more I was putting into the relationship than him. For example, even though he wasn't technically an essential worker, he was working for a company that provides building materials for one of the Nightingale hospitals, and he half jokingly moaned that no one was clapping for him. There was a lovely artist in my city who was v kindly offering to do free portrait paintings of essential workers and I messaged her, explaining his situation and asked if she'd do a painting of him ( as I wanted to make him feel valued ). She v kindly agreed and when I presented him with the painting, he was overjoyed!

But I never got the same level of care and consideration back and eventually it got me down. For example, one Sunday afternoon we met for a walk in the park and he said to me, if it wasn't for lockdown, I certainly wouldn't be seeing YOU today ( as he spent his Sunday's watching motorsport, but obvs it wasn't happening during lockdown).

By May I'd had enough and ended it. Was probably for the best in the end....

userxx · 10/04/2022 07:17

@Appalonia You're well rid, he won't find many like you out there. Arsehole.

whitewashing · 10/04/2022 07:28

Nothing has changed for me at all…life has carried on exactly the same as before.

NeedleNoodle3 · 10/04/2022 08:26

Quite a lot
I’ve got even closer to two friends
Lost a few friends, we were getting more distant before and the friendships have completely fizzled out.
I had a big Covid related argument with a sibling, they later apologised and we’ve more or less moved on from that.
It’s a funny one with my DH, I feel like we got through two years of WFH and the pandemic (plus other health stuff, bereavement, family caring responsibility dramas) then we can get through anything and in a way we are closer. He retired right at the end of the pandemic so it was like a practice run. We are closer I think but at the same time it isn’t as special seeing him.

needmorethanthis · 10/04/2022 09:29

Beginning of the end of our marriage. He ignored me for weeks at a time which if I’d had the gym to escape to would have been fine but when the only other adult in the house is freezing you out it’s horrific. I’m trying to work out how to leave him as it’s ruined everything.

Lostmojo · 10/04/2022 09:47

I felt alone and isolated during lockdown, I realised that my DH wasn’t supportive emotionally and that was very hard. I also lost a family member and that was very difficult.
It has changed our marriage.

memorypleasestop · 10/04/2022 10:18

It put an end to the chances of me visiting my ex and starting again when he asked me to, and now he is dead.

GnomeDePlume · 10/04/2022 10:33

@memorypleasestop I am very sorry.

First lockdown DD2 and her then fiance locked down with us. We got to know and love him very much. They are now married.

DS grew up and got a job. It isn't what he wants to do permanently but I am very proud of him for getting off his bum and doing something.

DH and I carried on as before. We are both home birds. I WFH but I have an office at home. DH works in a supermarket so he carried on.

Lockdown was hard for DD1. She and her partner were separated but somehow kept the relationship alive and are now living together.

We have been very fortunate and I do realise that.

TurningUpMyStereotype · 10/04/2022 10:50

My relationship with my partner didn’t really change. We had more time together, as he started working from home, which was/is nice. He’s enjoying having more time with our kids and dogs too.
I missed seeing friends when we couldn’t but we did regular FaceTimes and zoom calls and still had good chats and lots of laughs. We were all very happy to be able to see each other again after lockdown.
As for family, we haven’t gone back to seeing some of them, which is a good thing.

SpringRainbow · 10/04/2022 10:55

The relationship with my family is unchanged really, it hasn’t changed anything there.

My relationship with my children is stronger, I feel like I had the opportunity to get to know them in a way which was impossible before. I got a real insight into their world.

I think my friendships got stronger during lockdown but since things have opened up it’s struggled. No one wants to talk virtually anymore but we are all back into being too busy to meet up.

The biggest change has been my marriage. From their side we are closer than ever. From my side the marriage is dead. I haven’t got it in me to do anything about it. I am just so tired.

clpsmum · 10/04/2022 11:11

Big impact on all my relationships tbh.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 10/04/2022 11:21

It made DH and I realise how much we really like each other’s company. We both wfh and so it was very much just us for a lot of it. 2 of our adult children were home for one of the lockdowns, which was nice. I was able to see my mother, as she is elderly and lives alone, so we were her ‘bubble’. We were fortunate, covid brought us closer as a family.

I missed friends and family a lot but we kept in touch via texting, video calls and voice calls. It was weird socialising again afterwards, I felt like I’d lost about 50% of my social skills.

cheeseislife8 · 10/04/2022 11:28

My DH works long antisocial hours and has done since long before we met. It was normal for us. During lockdown he was furloughed for months, while I worked through, and while that did have its challenges it was wonderful to be able to spend some real time together. Cooking together, chatting in the evenings, not going to bed alone, etc.
Now we're back to normal routines, I'm finding it really tough. I'm no longer enjoying all the space I used to relish pre-lockdown. I miss that time.
Its like it was better not knowing what we were missing.

CordeliaBrideshead · 10/04/2022 12:32

It was a huge catalyst in ending a long and unhappy marriage but is something I may never recover from.

The abuse.

The screaming.

Being imprisoned with him trying to hurt my son.

I realised it was death or divorce. Became ambivalent to which.

It got so bad I used to hit myself to stop him tormenting me. Gave myself a black eye a few times.

He stayed a year whilst we negotiated the financial settlement.

Now I'm renting in peace but feel trauma bonded.

But life is slowly rebuilding.

Lockdown helped shine a torch on a very unhealthy relationship.

But I could never go through it again.

MadMadMadamMim · 10/04/2022 12:38

Relationship with DH is stronger than ever. He was the perfect person to spend lockdown with and we treasured the extra time we got with each other. Relationship with parents is poorer. I realised how nice it was not to do duty visits where I wasn't made welcome so I still see them less.

Relationship with Dsis is now NC. She was so batshit over Covid we no longer speak, thank God.

LunaTheCat · 10/04/2022 12:53

@CordeliaBrideshead

It was a huge catalyst in ending a long and unhappy marriage but is something I may never recover from.

The abuse.

The screaming.

Being imprisoned with him trying to hurt my son.

I realised it was death or divorce. Became ambivalent to which.

It got so bad I used to hit myself to stop him tormenting me. Gave myself a black eye a few times.

He stayed a year whilst we negotiated the financial settlement.

Now I'm renting in peace but feel trauma bonded.

But life is slowly rebuilding.

Lockdown helped shine a torch on a very unhealthy relationship.

But I could never go through it again.

That’s utterly horrific. I am so so sorry you experienced that. I hope life will lead you to a happy, more safe place 💐

Fimofriend · 10/04/2022 12:55

We have a good relationship and it was really nice to spend more time together as a family. DH and I both worked from home in the same room and it worked out fine.

When we couldn't get new experiences outside of the home, we started cooking a lot of new recipes. It was fun. Our daughter learned to bake and sometimes she bakes bread just because. It is really yummy.

We also found some really nice walking routes in our area that we didn't know about before the pandemic. I feel a bit guilty about not appreciating our own area enough before.

Foreverlexicon · 10/04/2022 13:23

Very difficult for us. We were only about 8 months in and dp moved 300 miles away to help care for her terminally ill mother shortly before the first lockdown hit. As a result, we barely saw each other for months when the original plan was she would travel back weekly to do a couple of office days.

I really struggled with the isolation of lockdown. I think it taught us how strong we are as a couple. We made it through that time which was very challenging for both of us despite being early into our relationship.

Now we live together, life has moved on but I feel a deep security with her that I’ve never felt with anyone else as I feel if we can make it through that and come out on top, we can make it through anything.

middlenglander · 10/04/2022 18:35

@CordeliaBrideshead
So sorry to hear, that is awful. Glad you got away.
For me, difficult with my partner as we are long distance and were sometimes separated for months. We also had many a heated covid-related argument!
Pretty much the same with my family, although in both cases things have now stabilised.
Didn't help most friendships either. There were too many opposing viewpoints around the pandemic and difficult conversations, and people seem too busy to meet up now in some cases.

DelilahBucket · 10/04/2022 18:38

Husband same as always. He wasn't my husband pre Covid so could be considered better. We run together now which we didn't used to do.
Parents, same with my mum, closer to my dad. Don't speak to my sister at all now after things kicked off several times last year. No difference with my brothers.

stickanotherlogonthefire · 10/04/2022 20:47

Family - I'm not sure, I think we were drifting apart anyway.
Friends - closer than ever
Not in a relationship but met someone in lockdown who became a FWB and that kept my spirits up during the lockdown because we illegally kept seeing each other as we didn't believe the government had a right to deny us a sex life because we didn't live together (we both live in house shares)
Pets - they loved having everyone around!

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