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Original poster

Should I date this guy again?

70 replies

Katsun · 08/04/2022 13:47

Briefly, I’ve been single for 2 years after ending my 8yr relationship. Been online dating for 6 months & it’s pretty crap tbh. Most of my friends are married etc & although I do go out I’ve not met anyone yet. I’m not avidly looking for long term but someone to enjoy life with & see where it goes.
Last weekend I met this guy for coffee as we’d been messaging a lot & get on well & there is attraction there. However on our walk along the beach he lit a spliff (checked if I minded, I was a bit taken aback tbh) He then became rather annoying after a pint or 2 in the pub later. I’m not judgemental in the slightest it’s his life but now he wants to take me to dinner & stay over as he lives 40 mins away. Part of me is keen to see him again but if he becomes full of himself after few drinks/smoke then I’m thinking I’m better of not going or could I ask him not to smoke & drink too? Is that fair, he says he understand it can be a dealbreaker.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 08/04/2022 16:55

Good decision
Don’t give second chances to guys who don’t meet your standards. It’s just wasting your time

Watchkeys · 08/04/2022 17:04

For future reference, if you feel the slightest need to post on a forum to find out if you should see someone again, don't see them again.

Only keep seeing/respond to those who make you go 'WOW'. It might take a long time to come across one like that, but it's better to spend the interim single and with rock solid standards, than dabbling about, making your emotions vulnerable to 'maybes'. You only need one 'WOW' person, out of all the million plonkers who will respond to your profile. Don't waste your time tending to plonkers.

lisaandalan · 08/04/2022 17:08

No definitely not.
Steer clear just because you haven't met anyone, don't settle for this.
He was a pain in the arse and you didn't even know him, imagine what he's like when you do.

OrlandointheWilderness · 08/04/2022 17:14

No

Rosebuud · 08/04/2022 17:20

Cmon op. This is a no. Do you really want to get with some random stoner who likes a drink, is annoying and jist wants sex? Remember what you saw was the best of him. If smoking is part of his identity then he’s a heavy user.

Bin it off. You can do better. Everyone can.

Survived · 08/04/2022 17:22

Move on to the next. Online dating is a numbers game, the faster you move on from the frogs the quicker you get to meet your prince. And yes, he is out there.

FrancescaContini · 08/04/2022 17:23

No
Nope
Never

StoppingTime · 08/04/2022 17:25

I dated a man whose personality changed after a smoke - not nice. And believe me if he's showing you that side of him on the first date it's a massive red flag!

HollowTalk · 08/04/2022 17:29

Smoking weed as part of his identity? What an idiot.

mewkins · 08/04/2022 17:33

This is him on his absolute best behaviour, trying to impress you. Imagine what he's like when he's got comfortable ConfusedShock

SleepingStandingUp · 08/04/2022 17:35

He knows it can be a deal breaker so even if he doesn't smoke this date in order to get sex, it will be there your entire relationship

Knutface · 08/04/2022 17:41

In these situations put yourself first. Anyone that is not into cannabis should ditch this bloke without a second thought. If you are into this type of things you might not be bothered. Good for you OP, knowing your own mind

BOOTS52 · 08/04/2022 17:58

No way wants you to stay over on a 2nd date. It shows he needs his few drinks and then turns into an arse so would be a no from me. If he behaves like this on a first date I would not go on a 2nd. But up to you but not staying at his house, meet for a coffee but seems like he would rather go for drinks.

Teeturtle · 08/04/2022 19:54

40 minutes! My round trip to Tesco is longer than that, maybe I should be incorporating it with an overnight stay!

DFOD · 08/04/2022 20:00

@HollowTalk

Smoking weed as part of his identity? What an idiot.
Tells you so much in so few words - basically it’s he’s telling you it’s non-negotiable …. and “identity” - Imagine someone needing to declare that alcohol was part of their identity - I think you would know that it is likely “problematic” (ie alcoholic)
Rosebuud · 08/04/2022 21:10

How old is this charmer who smokes weed on a first date just going for a walk, declares if part of his identity (lol) and then tries to get a shag on a second date by promising you dinner like you are for sale?

Didimum · 08/04/2022 21:13

You are 100% allowed to find smoking a deal breaker (i would too and it doesn’t have to be anybody’s standards but my own). I realise two years must feel like an eternity, but it is relatively short - keep looking.

Rosebuud · 08/04/2022 21:14

Op, I mean this gently but if you’ve been in a relationship with someone with addiction issues before I think you need to run and run fast and not take on another one. You are worth more than this, you really are. 💐

Evasmissingletter · 08/04/2022 21:23

Keep the bar high. You are worth more.

HandlebarLadyTash · 08/04/2022 21:34

No

Badromancer · 08/04/2022 21:36

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

seensome · 08/04/2022 21:45

Nooo he sounds like a loser, the type of men that revolve life around smoking weed and drinking are immature and going nowhere. He's wants a second date because he's hoping to sleep with you by going back to yours and he doesn't even sound good company.

PoshPyjamas · 08/04/2022 21:53

Smoking dope not a dealbreaker - but on a first date? He's not exactly trying to impress you is he?

MostlyOk · 08/04/2022 22:02

It sounds like he wants to stay over so that he can drink!

Peachtoiletpaper · 08/04/2022 22:22

Good call OP. Trying to arrange a sleepover on a second date is quite pushy (not saying wrong to stay over if it happens naturally or you just want casual sex but I don't read your OP as though that is what you want). Also, can't handle his booze and weed is integral to him? No thanks.