Hi all.
I have 2 grown up children and was a marriage that ended after 20+ years nearly 9 years ago. Moved to different part of UK and had a lovely 4 year relationship- including living together- with a man 10 years younger. Separated a year ago as he didn’t want marriage and have been in a relationship with a man for 6 months. I’m 49 and he’s nearly 51.
We’re not living together.
He’s self employed and successful. Owns his own house outright. I live alone with a pet in rented accommodation.
We see each other nearly every day and spend at least 4 nights staying over at one house or another. This keeps increasing as time goes on.
I’m desperate to move things forwards. Dating is good but I love the nitty gritty of domestic life.
He’s not ready yet. He doesn’t want things to go wrong. He’s also previously married but with no children. Though I’ve just used the word ‘dating’ we do mundane stuff too - often on one day at the weekend we’ll go food shopping or do some gardening. I tend to be at his each weekend. It feels so lovely. Especially as I now take my cat over too.
He’s not so good with verbal communication but shows his love through actions. He’s very tactile with me. Holds me all night. Touches my hand when we sit together on the sofa. He does say things like “I love having you here” (at his) and “This is nice” (sharing bed together).
He knows I’m struggling financially to rent alone. His position financially is extremely good. Luckily that doesn’t create issues as we’re both tight with money.
I’m glad he hasn’t asked me to move in just because I’m struggling with money. I know it needs to be when he really wants it to happen. He hasn’t said no. Just “not yet” and said he needs more time. I do accept 6 months is still early days.
His ex wife and he met when they were in their mid 30s. He already owned his own home. She had said she wouldn’t take anything of his if they split - only what she contributed or brought to the marriage. She’s successful too. But they divorced and he bought her a house outright.
He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to have to do this again if we do marry and then separate.
I’m not at all materialistic and didn’t fleece my ex husband for anything or even take my fair share. I left due to DV and took only my things and nothing else.
My partner knows this and knows I’m unlikely to be unfair should the worst happen.
I suggested investigating protecting his assets. He said he would.
We last spoke about me moving in a few weeks ago. I could see it was a hard conversation for him. Neither of us has raised it again. He continues to be the sweet, loving man that he is.
Like I said, he’s not a talker. He comes across as having been hurt and not wanting to go through that again. I’m a romantic who wants the whole package. Not the wedding day itself - no interest in that - but the husband/wife relationship.
We seem to be going in the right direction.
Any thoughts greatly appreciated.
Sorry if this is long winded or unclear.
I’m a 49 year old still fit and full of hope. 🤗