I apologise in advance, this is a long one and I won't be able to capture everything in one post....but here goes....
So my partner and I got together 3 years ago now, things moved quickly and we started living together after 6 months. Shortly after moving in, his ex sadly passed away which resulted in his 4 children moving in with us (all under the age of 8). To say the past 2 and a bit years has been difficult would be an understatement....! When I first met him, he was a totally different person to who he is now. There were some early red flags such as the amount of alcohol he consumed, along with some borderline narcissistic behaviour however I (stupidly) brushed it off and convinced myself I was happy. Fast forward a few months after the children moved in and more things started to come to light...hidden empty spirit bottles around the house, silly little lies, very egotistic comments, he thinks he is right about everything, I realised he had no real friends, very glass half full outlook on life, lack of interest in my past (be it about holidays I've been on, or things I've done with my friends etc), little comments when I went to see friends or family such as 'you have a family now, do you really need to go out' (I think being in lockdown had kept this one masked for some time.) He also started to display some aggression such as punching walls or throwing things across the room if something didn't go his way. He also has very strong opinions on things which totally differ from mine, such as covid, the government etc. I am very laid back so this has been a bit of a challenge for me. The list goes on...
We have come close to separating a few times because we have ended up in huge rows when I have confronted him on any of these things. I found over time it was easier to keep my mouth shut and not saying anything to avoid the conflict.
The most irritating thing about him is when things are good, he can be so lovely, funny, etc. But when they don't go his way, he is the total opposite. A battery drainer by being so negative about everything!
Anyway, last night one of the children was unwell and for some reason it totally tipped me over the edge, I have felt completely drained by life for such a long time and this was the icing on the cake. I came to my parents house to escape and I'm still here now. I don't plan on going back, although I feel incredibly guilty and emotional about that, I know it's the right thing to do.
In honesty, I have no idea why I am writing this post, other than because I can't work out why I feel so awful and sad....and to see whether anyone else has been through similar and can share their experiences with me x