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Original poster

Vulture?

40 replies

Eatprayrun · 07/04/2022 10:29

I joined a running club to try and make new friends. One of the women, Susie, was friendly and we’ve been out for coffee and drinks a few times. She seemed quite nice, although a bit lacking in social skills and a bit selfish.

Some of the women from the Club were organising a social event, and I asked Susie if she wanted to travel it to together. She said she hadn’t been invited. I checked with the event organiser and she said Susie wasn’t invited because she was a Vulture who had tried it on with a few of the women’s husbands including one man who’s wife was seriously ill and one who was having marriage difficulties.

Susie was upset to not have invited to the social event. Do I tell her why so she can defend herself, or she can find a group where she doesn’t have that reputation, or do I mind my own business?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 07/04/2022 10:31

Definitely don’t get involved in that drama

MermaidEyes · 07/04/2022 10:35

Don't get involved. It's not your place. Just keep in mind she may not be as nice as she seems.

ABitDrunk · 07/04/2022 10:37

I would avoid people who can't seem to believe that someone would come on to their partners. And who resort to calling them weird names. Are they 5 years old?

She tried it on with a few husbands, that's her problem. I'm sure the husbands managed to fend her off and, erm, tell everyone about it.
Hmm

merrilysang · 07/04/2022 10:44

I would mind my own business with this one. For now anyway, until you can ascertain the truth of the situation with time.

thestraitofillinois · 07/04/2022 10:44

Never trust anything until you hear it from the horse's mouth. Tell her why she wasn't invited.

StooOrangeyForCrows · 07/04/2022 10:48

Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.

Say and do nothing. Why on earth would you get involved in shite like this?

Original poster
Eatprayrun · 07/04/2022 11:28

I don’t want to get involved in any drama but she was crying about not being invited and I didn’t know what to say to her.

OP posts:
2Gen · 07/04/2022 11:41

@Eatprayrun

I don’t want to get involved in any drama but she was crying about not being invited and I didn’t know what to say to her.
I echo other PPs and say don't get involved with the drama! You're in a tricky position and all I can recommend if she's still upset is to be sympathetic BUT DO NOT GET INVOLVED! You mentioned she can be "a bit selfish" in which case I'd tread carefully with her if I were you. Be observant but don't give too much of yourself nor overinvest too quickly. Hopefully then, by watching and listening, you'll find out for yourself whether or not she is what the other one called her and if there's truth, or not, in the allegations without getting hurt yourself, or not too much anyway! Meanwhile, did I say don't get involved in the drama? Don't get involved OP and all the best!
merrilysang · 07/04/2022 11:48

Also, if you told her, she might very well confront them and they would know you'd told her. It might make things uncomfortable for you at the club.

Iflyaway · 07/04/2022 11:49

she was crying about not being invited

Goodness me, is she 5?....

Original poster
Eatprayrun · 07/04/2022 11:59

@Iflyaway

she was crying about not being invited

Goodness me, is she 5?....

She’s an adult woman who is feeling sad and lonely and upset about being excluded, which I can understand.
OP posts:
mistymoms · 07/04/2022 12:16

@Eatprayrun you sound v caring so you could be a good friend to her. Nobody likes to be excluded like that. Maybe she's just coming across wrong and doesn't know it?

Hoppinggreen · 07/04/2022 12:18

Keep out of it
Just say “oh dear” to her and then get on with your own life

ravenmum · 07/04/2022 12:28

I'd be tempted to find another running club that didn't exclude people from activities.

Suzi888 · 07/04/2022 12:30

@Eatprayrun

I don’t want to get involved in any drama but she was crying about not being invited and I didn’t know what to say to her.
I’d tell her to ask the event organiser.
Original poster
Eatprayrun · 07/04/2022 12:47

@ravenmum

I'd be tempted to find another running club that didn't exclude people from activities.
It’s not an official club event, it’s a social at someone’s house. The organiser said Susie is not welcome after trying it on with her friend’s husband. I feel responsible for sorting it out as I told Susie about the event.
OP posts:
mistymoms · 07/04/2022 12:51

What made you say that Susie seems selfish Op?

Original poster
Eatprayrun · 07/04/2022 12:58

@mistymoms

What made you say that Susie seems selfish Op?
She likes to talk about herself a lot, so something like if you say you’ve been ill she talks about her own health and doesn’t ask how you are.
OP posts:
ravenmum · 07/04/2022 13:02

Does Susie have any idea that she has this reputation? It might be nonsense. I agree that if the event organiser is going to exclude people from an event (whether official or not), they should be the one dealing with the fallout. It's their fault for putting you in this situation.

girlmom21 · 07/04/2022 13:06

Susie needs to ask herself why she's not invited if she's upset. If you tell her and she kicks off you'll be ostracised for being a gossip.

girlmom21 · 07/04/2022 13:06

I'm not saying you are a gossip but that's what they'll say if you go against the clique.

MermaidEyes · 07/04/2022 13:07

I'd tell her to ask the event organiser

I echo this. It's not your responsibility.

GreyTS · 07/04/2022 13:16

Very similar happened to me at a running club, when I separated from my H I found myself excluded from lots of social situations, not officially club events but attended by everyone else. When I approached the organiser about why I was told no reason but that I was a whiny baby for being upset (I thought she was my friend, like genuinely we spent years attached at the hip) no one can be invited to everything etc. I have never hit on any of their husbands, plenty of them have hit on me, and worse I got involved with a man who had been in a relationship with one of the women 15 years previously! It was all small town nonsense, I was the outsider but I was so hurt, so maybe there is another side to this

Fuckityfucksake · 07/04/2022 13:22

I genuinely don't understand this - say nothing, stay out of it. I can't deal with group dramas, peoples secrets or any other kind of bat shit bullying by proxy.
You've been told a reason - she clearly doesn't know the reason - if you aren't arsed about any consequence (the others falling out with you) then tell her, I would.
It's possible she may well have done what she's accused of but also possible she hasn't and they may dislike her for another reason.

Original poster
Eatprayrun · 07/04/2022 15:45

@GreyTS

Very similar happened to me at a running club, when I separated from my H I found myself excluded from lots of social situations, not officially club events but attended by everyone else. When I approached the organiser about why I was told no reason but that I was a whiny baby for being upset (I thought she was my friend, like genuinely we spent years attached at the hip) no one can be invited to everything etc. I have never hit on any of their husbands, plenty of them have hit on me, and worse I got involved with a man who had been in a relationship with one of the women 15 years previously! It was all small town nonsense, I was the outsider but I was so hurt, so maybe there is another side to this
That sounds hurtful. There might be another side here and I think she is more socially awkward than calculating, but she can be a bit too friendly with some of the men at the club.
OP posts: