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Original poster

Dated lovely guy no sex

42 replies

twinkletwinkleangel · 05/04/2022 21:46

Ok so I've been saying a lovely guy, quite good looking but he's decided to tell me he's impotent. It's come to my attention he loves physical affection but just can't DTD even wirh viagra. Argh. Any experience please.

OP posts:
Feelingoktoday · 05/04/2022 21:50

Lots of women will be posting saying that sex isn’t just about PIV. There are other forms of pleasure etc etc. However it is up to you. Do not compromise just to be kind. How do you feel about never have piv sex again?

HelpINeeedSomebody · 05/04/2022 21:51

It would be the end of the road for me but sex is massively important in a relationship for me. Everyone's so different it only really matters what you think and feel about it.

Ragwort · 05/04/2022 21:54

Sounds ideal Grin ....... but clearly if want a physical relationship then it's good that he's been honest and you are probably incompatible. Please don't think you can ' change him'.

MintJulia · 05/04/2022 22:03

If you want a physical relationship then this obviously isn't going to work.

you could try to work out what is causing the issue and deal with it.
Or you could settle for less than you want (won't work)
Or you can leave.

My ex needed to lose a lot of weight but wouldn't even try so I left.

Pinkmendinilla · 05/04/2022 22:08

How important is sex to you, could you live without it indefinitely? And are you wanting children? What's the cause, has he done everything to address it? Don't expect this to change though. If you do continue with him, do so with the assumption that this is how things are and decide whether you can live with it.

Furrbabymama87 · 06/04/2022 16:42

I'd leave before you get too invested in this. It depends if you like sex or not though.

HellToTheNope · 06/04/2022 16:45

Run for your life.

Lady0racle · 06/04/2022 16:47

You’re not invested yet so if you’re going to walk away now is the time to do it. Think very carefully. If you’re a sexual person, it’s simply not going to work. Your ‘argh’ reaction is quite telling. This isn’t what you want. Move on.

SpringIntoChaos · 06/04/2022 17:14

I was in this same situation last year OP...I really tried! (To be fair, we both did...he went to the GP, tried viagra...but nothing 🤷‍♀️) He has been like that for years apparently (long before we met).

I did try to put aside my own needs/wants, but ultimately, what I needed and wanted, was a full and healthy sex life with my partner...and that just wasn't possible. After 8 months of us trying to make it work, I had to walk away. I just couldn't imagine the rest of my life like that unfortunately.

We are all different though...so what was right for me might not be what's right for you. Only you can decide that 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
twinkletwinkleangel · 06/04/2022 17:43

Thank you

OP posts:
JadedSoJaded · 06/04/2022 17:55

I found myself in the same position with a lovely guy. Even with highest dose viagra he couldn’t stay hard enough for much PIV. Nor did he ever finish through any method. It actually really affected my self esteem. I need that physical intimacy & connection. He said it was a long standing problem (is 50) but suspected much of it was psychological.

HollowTalk · 06/04/2022 17:57

How old are you both? Has he done everything he can, in terms of seeing specialists?

Original poster
twinkletwinkleangel · 06/04/2022 18:40

Yes he has low testosterone. It's such a shame as otherwise I could see us really being together !

OP posts:
HellToTheNope · 06/04/2022 19:19

@twinkletwinkleangel

Yes he has low testosterone. It's such a shame as otherwise I could see us really being together !
Why doesn't he get treated for it? Confused
Franticbutterfly · 06/04/2022 22:31

Knock it on the head now. Too much like hard work!

candles1298 · 06/04/2022 22:56

Sorry to jump on the bandwagon but this caught my attention cos of my recent experience....

Been dating someone lovely, funny, kind, attentive, physically affectionate for almost 2 months. Spend a lot of time together but only had sex once. He doesn't seem interested in that but makes so much effort in every other area and is always keen to spend time together.

I was starting to wonder if this was the issue but since we've slept together once and he did cum, it can't be eh?!

JangolinaPitt · 07/04/2022 07:27

Watching with interest as seeing someone who was very reluctant to have sex. He is very affectionate and has tried but doesn’t come. He is very insecure generally and very sensitive about his size and has not had sex for years. He is is gaining confidence -I think he is relieved that I have not commented on size and very clearly enjoy being in bed with him. I intend to persevere (ie in a non- pressured way) because he is lovely.

Original poster
twinkletwinkleangel · 07/04/2022 08:55

Goodness I didn't realise this was so common! I guess age is a factor too...

OP posts:
Buzzinwithbez · 07/04/2022 09:33

My concern would be that he's very attentive initially, under the glow of a new relationship and you become invested. Then that wears off once you are more embroiled, as there won't be much drive to sustain that level of attentiveness on his part.
But watch out for a honeymoon period first.

newtb · 07/04/2022 10:00

You can get capsules or, if they don't work, injections. There are also patches.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 07/04/2022 11:01

@twinkletwinkleangel

Yes he has low testosterone. It's such a shame as otherwise I could see us really being together !
Low testosterone is easy to treat, if he wanted to.
HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 07/04/2022 11:07

onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/testosterone-levels.html

HazelBite · 07/04/2022 11:13

It obviously doesn't bother him that much (mind you, you don't miss what you've never had) My advice is go, I was married to someone in my early 20's who would only "perform" once in a blue moon, it is soul destroying and frustrating, and will affect you more than you realise.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 07/04/2022 11:20

It sounds like he's not got much sex drive/impulse if he's not sought hormone treatment for it (although low testosterone can itself lower libido, so could be a side effect.)

It doesn't sound like he's said "I can't get hard enough for penetration, but here's all the other great stuff we can do, please show me how to give you an orgasm in other ways" - if he's not said that then he's basically saying your relationship will be sexless. Which to me means you'd just be friends. So if I was looking for a long term partner, I'd wish him well but move on.

Whatwouldscullydo · 07/04/2022 11:20

Depends how important sex is to you I guess.

If its important then it would be hard enough in a LTR/marriage where you had some degree if obligation ,at least in your head anyway, to try and work through it. Here, you owe eachother nothing. And if you aren't even having sex in the honey moon period where its meant to be fun and easy, and not being able to keep your hands off eachother, well units only gonna get worse isn't it.

I too would worry about being lured in then when you are emotionally invested , stuck in a sexless relationship with someone who doesn't realky care about your pleasure.

Has he said why he won't treat the low testosterone?

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