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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dated lovely guy no sex

42 replies

twinkletwinkleangel · 05/04/2022 21:46

Ok so I've been saying a lovely guy, quite good looking but he's decided to tell me he's impotent. It's come to my attention he loves physical affection but just can't DTD even wirh viagra. Argh. Any experience please.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 07/04/2022 11:21

He can be treated with injections.
Has he sought help?

TheSparkling · 07/04/2022 11:28

Reading all these comments does bring a sense of doom to my own situation as it is similar to the OP's except we have been a couple for nearly a year. Full piv sex is rare even with the tablets to help (combination of age and a health issue). He does look after me in every other way and I generally feel ok about the situation.

Often I do have those doubts about whether I can do this long term. That makes me feel really sad for my me and my bF, he's a lovely great guy and has tried everything to make things better for us. (Currently waiting a urology referral).

I think the crunch would be for me if he stopped showing any interest because I think I can't live like that for long. But it plays on my mind often. Perhaps he would be better with some one older who actually isn't interested so it's not an issue. Saying that he likes and enjoys and wants sex too....

No easy answers is there...

Goldenbutterflies · 07/04/2022 11:42

@twinkletwinkleangel

Goodness I didn't realise this was so common! I guess age is a factor too...
Impotence is on the rise, there’s lots of causes and many men won’t do anything to help the issue for various reasons. If you don’t want or like sex/penetrative sex it’s fine but if you do, I wouldn’t continue the relationship. There’s a subreddit about this issue and the stories on there are dismal, you don’t want that to be you.
BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/04/2022 13:52

It's obviously bothering you, OP, because you've posted here. I wouldn't continue, if I were in your shoes. I'm late 50s, with someone who is 50, and sex is still very important in our relationship. You don't say how old you are, but don't assume you'll go off sex as the years pass!

JangolinaPitt · 07/04/2022 17:08

@BatshitCrazyWoman

It's obviously bothering you, OP, because you've posted here. I wouldn't continue, if I were in your shoes. I'm late 50s, with someone who is 50, and sex is still very important in our relationship. You don't say how old you are, but don't assume you'll go off sex as the years pass!
Totally concur with it assuming you will go off sex. I thought I had gone off sex as no desire for my STBXH or anyone -until I met someone and it re-lit the fires Grin
Original poster
twinkletwinkleangel · 07/04/2022 18:43

If course it's bothering me because I just don't know if I have to compromise on it! The last guy I was with was amazing in bed but a total knob!

OP posts:
TheSparkling · 07/04/2022 21:16

@twinkletwinkleangel - that's the thing isn't it though? When you have been with a total knob you know what you don't want and wonder if you can actually have it all.
I do know I think what am I giving him up for because I don't know if I could find anyone who I am as compatible with apart from this one area.

Original poster
twinkletwinkleangel · 09/04/2022 21:02

Sparkling, I feel exactly the same :(

OP posts:
HappyAsLarry2022 · 09/04/2022 21:14

How long have you been seeing him?

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 09/04/2022 21:15

@twinkletwinkleangel
Have you thought about taking to him about getting a numan blood test?

CorsicaDreaming · 09/04/2022 21:23

@twinkletwinkleangel - has he been to his GP to discuss it / looked into private therapy?

Sunnytwobridges · 09/04/2022 21:38

He would be perfect for me lol
But if you like sex and will miss it then you’ll end up resenting him. I say end it and find someone sexually compatible

stickanotherlogonthefire · 10/04/2022 21:54

Strap on?

Just because your last bf was a shit doesn't mean you should compromise on you next bf.

If he could go to the Dr or get a shrink to help him I wonder why he doesn't?
In a LTR I wouldn't be as bothered if it wasn't as frequent as I tend to get bored with a sexual art et after a few years, but short term I would want plenty of sex, including PIV, so it would be goodbye and good luck from me.

Dontsayyouloveme · 11/04/2022 09:24

I’ve just ended a two month ‘relationship’ for this reason. Like others have said, it affected my self esteem and left me frustrated! I love sex and in that respect, we just weren’t compatible. Life’s too short to compromise on something like this, if it important to you. X x

Original poster
twinkletwinkleangel · 11/04/2022 09:41

I love sex too. Was there anything sexual. I get frustrated tooSad

OP posts:
Original poster
twinkletwinkleangel · 11/04/2022 09:43

Often I do have those doubts about whether I can do this long term. That makes me feel really sad for my me and my bF, he's a lovely great guy and has tried everything to make things better for us. @TheSparkling

I feel exactly like this

OP posts:
Dontsayyouloveme · 11/04/2022 23:08

twinkletwinkleangel there was some sex, but it lasted about two mins! 😩😩

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