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Original poster

Dating again as a single mum

67 replies

AHungryCaterpillar · 03/04/2022 22:05

Does anyone who is a single mum actually rely on (paid for) babysitters to date? I have been single 5 years and would like to meet someone but have my children 24/7 as their father is not involved (this is his choice) So it just hasn’t been possible, it’s always suggested to me to use babysitters but does anyone actually do that? I really can’t see how it would be affordable to pay for a babysitter weekly? To actually be able to date. Does anyone do this? Or am I right in thinking it’s just not possible?

OP posts:
Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 04/04/2022 12:46

Yeh that’s why I didn’t include fwb as I imagine you see them less frequently? So would be more affordable if it’s once a month type thing?

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crackofdoom · 04/04/2022 13:30

I did this when DS1 was 2. Paid a babysitter for the first few dates, and then- to be honest- he came round. In that situation, men just do meet the kids earlier. It's also easier if your LO is a toddler, because tbh they're pretty oblivious at that age- and they go to bed early! Mine are 6 and 12 now, and I couldn't see that working nowadays. However, that man who came round when DS1 was 2 ended up fathering DS2, and forming enough of a bond with DS1 that he has both boys every other weekend, so that's my lifeline and dating time. It's amazing how many men you meet, though, that claim they "never have time" to meet, when they have no dependents, or have their kids less often than me. Mate, you have no idea what never having time even means 🙄.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 04/04/2022 14:43

AHungryCaterpillar
I see him once a week ideally
And maybe we might do a hotel in the future we have to see

It’s a very fair questions as it could come to £200 a month on babysitting for you !

But the other question is it it worth spending that to have male companionship and sex
For me it is Grin

MissPattyGilmore · 04/04/2022 15:00

“would need to pay baby sitters for at least 6 months at the cost of £50 a time”

Teenagers aren’t that expensive - more like £20 for an evening (although maybe you should pay more for more kids? ) - and I agree with the PP above - MNet in general says 6 months+ but you will have to trust your own judgement and possibly meet someone earlier

I know someone who did it by starting out with daytime dates, then kids had sleepovers with GPs or friends on a fortnightly basis. Introduced partner at about 5/6 months - he moved in after 18 months, all fab. But she got lucky on 2nd or 3rd person she dated.

As someone else said, if a man really likes you he will make time somehow.

I do agree it won’t be easy - and yes, no doubt that 4 makes it much much harder… but I still say don’t quit without even trying. You do deserve a life of your own

Just don’t expect too much, it’s brutal out there…

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 04/04/2022 15:05

I don’t know any teens and wouldn’t use a random off Facebook personally but I guess it’s doable if you don’t mind that! I feel like waiting until my oldest is old enough to baby sit! 5 more years to go 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 04/04/2022 15:10

Even the teen I saw advertising on Facebook wanted £15 an hour so may depend where you live (I’m in London)

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 04/04/2022 15:21

AHungryCaterpillar
I didn’t hire a random off Facebook Hmm

I advertised , interviewed and got references
I interviewed both , met the teens mum and the other is crb checked
I’m also London

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 04/04/2022 15:35

That comment wasn’t aimed specifically at anyone it’s been suggested a couple of times to find someone on Facebook, it’s not something I would do personally. If I was going to do it it would need to be a proper agency but that’s where the cost comes from.

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Stayingstrongish · 04/04/2022 15:57

My current partner used to date a single mum who had full custody of her pre-school child. He would mostly go and visit her at her house. Not sure what she did for the initial dates.

growingweeble · 04/04/2022 16:07

I’m in a similar (but slightly easier) situation and am just starting dating. I have the option of family being able to do early evening babysitting once in a while. So far I’ve been on two dates, both in the middle of the day. I offered to meet somewhere convenient for them as I’m not working at the moment.
I’ve organised a night away with one date that I already knew and kids had sleepovers with friends for that but the logistics of 4 kids would be much harder and your little one perhaps too young. Even with my easier situation, it is going to be really hard to develop something meaningful with someone new unless they meet my kids earlier than is ideal.

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 04/04/2022 16:21

I have my mum but she would never have my kids for me to have a life, Heaven forbid me wanting time to myself! She would have them in emergencies only sadly.

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Woeismethischristmas · 04/04/2022 16:29

I’m single and have four dc, their Dad is involved but I work when he has them. I couldn’t justify the money tbh. That thirty to fifty quid is new shoes or a term of ballet for one of the children. Youngest is seven so I will wait till high school. Can’t see how it works unless you are loaded or have free childcare.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 04/04/2022 16:40

I don’t know what you want from this thread Grin
As everyone’s given ideas but you are a hard no to most if not all suggestions

You can’t make an omelet without breaking any eggs !

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 04/04/2022 16:46

Not asking for ways to make it work just wondering if anyone actually has made it work like pp said maybe those that are loaded have.

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Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 04/04/2022 16:47

Because of course in theory yes you can get baby sitters etc but does anyone actually do this and rely solely on paid for baby sitters that isn’t loaded, if so how do you afford it/justify the cost.

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 04/04/2022 16:59

I can spare the money for babysitters
I’m not loaded
But I can and it’s important for me to have something that’s not kids or work

I’m quite fortunate I appreciate that
But I pay her £40 and go to his !

Serafinaaa · 04/04/2022 18:38

I met someone through a group activity when I had my kids with me! The first three times we met, my kids were there. There are Facebook groups where you can meet up as groups of singles, single parents etc and go for walks etc and see if anyone catches your eye. Not everyone will be looking to date though, some just looking for friends and company.

Knutface · 04/04/2022 18:58

Not exactly the same situation as you but I’m a single mum of 3 children. I’ve found a FWB that suits me, tbh I don’t have the time to develop a more meaningful relationship and I also had an awful marriage so I’m not interested in going down that road again. We meet when kids are at school, we have sex but also do other stuff like meals, cinema etc. He works at night and I work part time so we have availability to meet in school hours.

I wouldn’t count on waiting for your eldest to be babysitter. My eldest 2 are now at high school and not only would they not want to do it as they have their own social life I don’t think they are reliable enough (teenage boys). Why not just get a few chats going and suss out availability for daytime dating? Nothing ventured….

MrsGHarrison87 · 04/04/2022 19:05

When I was dating as a single mum I'd chat to loads but I'd only really invest in ones where I felt we had something of a connection, rather than meeting loads of men. I met my now husband a couple of times for coffee with my youngest asleep in the pram while my other kids were in school and then he'd come round while they were in bed.

crackofdoom · 04/04/2022 19:28

Yeah, the "it's a numbers game" philosophy doesn't really suit the severely time constrained.

DatingAWidower22 · 04/04/2022 19:32

I am a single parent to a 4 year old and I am dating a guy who Is a full time mum and dad to his two children. It is very hard to arrange to see each other but we do, at least once a week. We want to see each other so we make it work. I work shifts and he works from home so we can usually squeeze in a lunch or drink in an afternoon. He has been to mine a couple of evenings when my child has been with my sister (his are teens so happy at home for a little while) but I think for this to continue in the way it started, he needs to meet my child so he can come over of an evening when my child is in bed.

It’s definitely not Roth putting yourself out there on the apps and see what happens!

DatingAWidower22 · 04/04/2022 19:33

It’s definitely worth! Stupid phone

megletthesecond · 04/04/2022 19:42

I haven't even considered it. I have zero energy after kids, work, life admin and mental load.
Maybe when they go to uni and I can hear myself think I might consider it.

Steelesauce · 04/04/2022 19:46

I use a friends teenage daughters and pay them. Well I did when I was dating, now I cba and don't actually want to date as it took up so much head space and cost a fortune even though I only paid them 25quid for 7pm-11pm. The kids were asleep, I left them snacks and drinks and their Dad picked them up. I still use them if I want a night out with the girls etc. But my experience has been men are not worth it Grin

Original poster
AHungryCaterpillar · 04/04/2022 20:00

£25 is great, I wish I knew someone with a teen as I imagine friends kids would charge less.

I would pay mine to babysit it wouldn’t be free so no different to using a teen babysitter really!

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