DF doesn’t understand what he’s saying is upsetting

[TonyBlairsLover]

Hi,
So I was eating tea with my DF and he asked me what I wanted to do for my 18th birthday. I told him I wanted to be Christened (personal reasons I will explain later). He said it’s a ‘stupid idea’ and non of my friends would want to come.

That comment annoyed me but I ignored it. He later on asked me why, I won’t go into detail as it’s l o n g and personal. Short version is that I used to be an alcoholic and I decided to turn to religion to help me, hence why I want to be Christened. He then went on to invalidate me saying I wasn’t an alcoholic, I lost my cool and walked off from the table. What a joke, he’s always at work yet invalidates my f/cking life like don’t tell me what happened and didn’t happen in my life.

My mum spoke to him but he doesn’t seem to understand what he’s done wrong. He’s always done this, he’ll pick on my life or appearance (often in public) then completely go blank to how he’s upsetting. And she lets him gets away with it, if I was horrible to him I sure wouldn’t. I’m far from a snowflake but I’m sick of my DF being able to pick on me and get away with it. I really don’t want my parents at my christening but oh well, thanks for listening to my rant

Are you able to move out? I think your relationship with your parents would improve if you spent less time with them.

@TooMinty I’m hoping to join the army after the end of college. So no at the moment (p.s love ur username )

@User0ne what’s funny?

If he bothers you that much you need to move out. I think he was just being friendly asking what you want to do. And unless you talk to him he won’t know.

@CharlotteRose90 fair enough, how can I move out at 17?

Sorry he was so negative. Being christened for your 18th sounds like a lovely idea if that's what you want to do- are you in touch with your vicar about it? I'm sure your friends will support you if they understand that it is meaningful for you.

@AstridTheSmiley thank you, yes I’m in contact with him via email. And they are willing to come

Well you have a plan then - just try and let it wash over you til then. Polite but minimal interaction.

That's an unusual username to pick for a 17 year old

@CloseYourEyesAndSee I can assure you I’m genuine

Are you going to uni op or have a job? I think it sounds like you had a very difficult childhood if you’re a recovered alcoholic at rhe age of 17. But I agree with the others, if you don’t like it there then it’s time to look to stop financially relying on them and move out.

I think maybe speak to your vicar about tolerance.

@Ipadflowers I’m hoping to join the army, I’d love to get a job but I’m swamped with college work plus I don’t have my gcse maths (got a 5 in the mock so hopefully this time round fingers crossed )

Your dad's a twat.
I wouldn't share anything meaningful again.
He asks what you want again, just say nothing special, pub lunch or whatever your family usually does for birthdays

Plan and celebrate your birthday with your friends.

Erm, you’re only 18 and you “used to be” an alcoholic?

What you mean is you are an alcoholic, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, there’s no “used to” about it.

But at 18? Really? Ok.

@AlternativePerspective then what phrase would you suggest I use considering I’m over it?

There’s no need to judge you don’t know my past

As I said, you’re an alcoholic. Alcoholics don’t recover, they are addicted for life.

Out of interest, what made you post on a parenting website as opposed to one of the more teenage platforms or even one of the Christian forums you presumably belong to?

@AlternativePerspective because I use mumsnet a lot, I like to scroll through AIBU etc

I agree with pp, saying you used to be an alcoholic doesn't work when you're 17. Surely that's too young to have developed a drink problem, become an alcoholic and then gone through the years of sobriety you need before you can say you are over it (if you can ever say that). Maybe that's what your dad was picking up on?

That aside, I have know several people who have been baptised as adults, and it's a really positive thing to do. If your dad isn't religeous he may not get that. It sounds like your relationship isn't great, and I'm sorry about that, but maybe you get on better with your mum?

(Christening is a naming ceremony for a baby, I think baptism is the right term for an adult, happy to be corrected).

The Church will hold some sort of classes in the run up to the ceremony, so you fully understand what it is you're commiting to. They might help you think about your relationships at home and the best ways of dealing with them.

Well this thread's got it all! Not sure I've ever seen an OP that packed in as many issues in one go.

Hope you continue to blossom and grow TonyBlairsLover.

@layladomino thank you for your reply, I’ll have a look into the classes. I decided to properly give up alcohol in July 2021 so not too long ago

I think it’s lovely that you want to be christened and your dad sounds like an insensitive idiot.
However, I agree with pp. you can’t have been an alcoholic at the age of 17, unless it was for about a week or something. You would’ve needed time to develop a drink problem, have the drink problem for a while, worked to get sober then have several years of sobriety. At what age did you actually develop a drink problem and at what age did you start drinking?

Learn what to tell him, and what not to tell him.
And save up towards moving out.

@A580Hojas there’s lots more about my life, but I won’t bore you.

@EssexLioness in year 11 I started.I had safeguarding team at school calling my home often