Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My narcisstic ex threatened to take me to court for exposing him?

35 replies

Flowertree1212 · 31/03/2022 19:21

Hello everyone!

This situation just gets worse and worse and I'm at the end of my tether with it all. I was in a narcisstic relationship for a year, all the usual traits of love bombing but then comes the cheating and gaslighting. He has a sexual assault on a child caution (he told me because of my work) from his teenage years and it's messed him up, he is unable to sustain a proper relationship without using control and manipulation. I told him he needed to see a therapist and sort his past out which he agreed. We are in the same friendship circle so we done no contact but were socailising together after 2 months. Within 2 weeks of breaking up he gets with another young impressionable person like myself and i just watch from the side lines.

3 months later (beginning of this week) I found the narcissist on tinder! i video it, make a fake account and send it to the new partner. The new partner breaks up with them and makes contact with me and tells me all the same crazy stuff we've been through. Finally I've hit boiling point and I can't believe he's done this to someone else! He's never seen me angry but god I am now, I send him some nasty messages 'you're a psycho' 'get a therapist' 'no one will love you till you get help' etc. through the day and he responds to all of them. I send one final one and block him.

I meet up with the partner and we discuss all the similiarities of our experiences, it was so lovely to meet someone that knew what it felt like. I tell them that this all stems from their sexual assault caution on a child, he's deranged etc. and now he's on tinder again for the next poor sod!
That night I send one more message about giving him advice, 'get off tinder' 'youll hurt someone else etc'. (5 messages in total now over 3 days)
He replies and says look stop messaging me or I will get the authoirities involved. I say okay I will stop (i don't want this to carry on for anyones sake)

The next day the latest partner needs to pick up their keyboard and texts also 'I know what you're all about', i wonder what your friends will think. They aren't actually going to say anything but just wanted him to know they know.

He then calls her and says 'look you better shut up because I've been building a harassment case again (me) for the last 2 months!'

me and the latest partner are now freaked the hell out, this has only exploded in the last week. I never messaged him once he told me to stop and it really isn't that many messages, i don't know how he's building a case for the last two months, we've been good and I've just been watching from the sidelines.

Is he just trying to freak us into submission so we don't expose his past (which neither of us want) to protect his narcisstic mask? Everyone thinks he's an amazing guy.
Or can he actually do something against me? Down the civil or criminal route?
I finally felt free today after everything but yet again he's pulled this dark cloud over me I feel like I can never get away from him

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowertree1212 · 31/03/2022 19:22

Just to add he says he's building a harassment case against me for the last two months. I haven't done anything apart from those half a dozen messages and told the old partner his past?

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowertree1212 · 31/03/2022 19:23

I forgot to add thank you all for any of your advice :)

This is usually the best place to go!

OP posts:
HellToTheNope · 31/03/2022 19:25

You sound as unhinged as he is. Block him and never have any contact with him again.

AchillesPoirot · 31/03/2022 19:26

Report it to the police and stop playing detective.

AchillesPoirot · 31/03/2022 19:29

And stop being an armchair psychologist

Specter123 · 31/03/2022 19:29

Stop messaging him, block him and forget he exists.

Why are you so involved? He's an ex and this is clearly not a healthy route for you to go down.

Good luck

daffyduckyduck · 31/03/2022 19:31

Sorry but you are just as bad as him! No matter what he's done - you have harassed him with these messages.

Block, move on before you get yourself into trouble. Absolutely no point in playing games with a narcissist

Divebar2021 · 31/03/2022 19:31

Well sounds like you are harassing him. Leave him alone and move on with your life the pair of you.

PriestessofPing · 31/03/2022 19:34

Both of you need to leave him alone now. The messages you sent, meeting up with her, both of you seemingly trying to threaten him to stay off Tinder - he’s right, that was harassing him. If you haven’t contacted him since he asked you to stop I doubt he can report you for harassing him now but if you both keep this behaviour up he probably can.

I know you’re upset but you need to drop it not, you sound like an episode of Eastenders.

Steelesauce · 31/03/2022 19:34

Your his ex?? Why were you sending videos to his new partner? You sound unhinged. If he is that narcissistic then run a fucking mile and live your life.

Original poster
Flowertree1212 · 31/03/2022 19:34

Oh yeah he’s blocked. No it feels unhealthy, I guess I just saw him on tinder and instantly knew the latest partner was going through what I was going through. They’ve been told now and I won’t involve my life in his any more. I find it all a bit scary and I want to go past it, but do you really think he has a case of harassment over me for half a dozen texts and telling his ex his past? I obviously never threatened him with anything just told him he’s pathetic

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 31/03/2022 19:36

Yes.

HellToTheNope · 31/03/2022 19:36

Honestly, grow up and get a grip. You sound like a stalker.

Thingsdogetbetter · 31/03/2022 19:37

You videoed him on tinder, made a false account, sent that video to his partner. Then send half a dozen nasty messages to him. You block and then unblock to send more nasty messages. Do you not see how that could be perceived as harassment? He's obviously lying about the two months IF you telling the truth about when you started.

Whether he's a bastard or not, nasty messages are unacceptable, immature and not going to help you heal. I'm not surprised he's threatening you with the authorities. Don't lie to yourself that you're doing it to give him advice. You're doing it out of angry for revenge.

Original poster
Flowertree1212 · 31/03/2022 19:38

@PriestessofPing

Both of you need to leave him alone now. The messages you sent, meeting up with her, both of you seemingly trying to threaten him to stay off Tinder - he’s right, that was harassing him. If you haven’t contacted him since he asked you to stop I doubt he can report you for harassing him now but if you both keep this behaviour up he probably can.

I know you’re upset but you need to drop it not, you sound like an episode of Eastenders.

No you’re right this has been fanned way too much. I haven’t said a single thing since he asked me to stop. It’s just hard to see someone else go through it and not want to do something. If it ever crops up again I know I need to stay out of it rather than thinking I’m helping that other person.
OP posts:
Scottishguy · 31/03/2022 19:40

OP - please bare in mind that your healing is conditional on going no contact. The empty threats come from his sense of entitlement. He thrives on drama so don't present him with it.

You can't change him or win a battle of wits, as he plays to different rules.

Good luck.

PriestessofPing · 31/03/2022 19:46

I get it. You were angry and upset and you and this other woman were both hurt about how he treated you. This wasn’t the answer though. You’ll be ok, just focus on yourself and feeling better.

You’ve taken the negative comments here with an even temper and can see you went too far and that’s a good thing. I know it’s really hard sometimes when someone treats you badly to walk away but that’s what you need to keep doing.

FarCrowds · 31/03/2022 19:48

I think people are being rather reactive/unkind, to say the least.

But obviously you were not thinking clearly OP. You can’t really threaten to expose someone in this way, being a narcissist on a dating site is not a criminal offence. Though I did read once dating sites are crawling with narcissist types so one must always be on guard is what I am thinking.

His relationship problems are not your problem. Really I think it is best to completely block/ignore now, and hopefully the matter will die down. Move on and find other ways to heal.

Original poster
Flowertree1212 · 31/03/2022 19:54

@FarCrowds

I think people are being rather reactive/unkind, to say the least.

But obviously you were not thinking clearly OP. You can’t really threaten to expose someone in this way, being a narcissist on a dating site is not a criminal offence. Though I did read once dating sites are crawling with narcissist types so one must always be on guard is what I am thinking.

His relationship problems are not your problem. Really I think it is best to completely block/ignore now, and hopefully the matter will die down. Move on and find other ways to heal.

Yeah you guys are right. I feel like I have to be on guard for the next few months in case I get something through the post now and have to go to court! But I’m to blame for that I guess. I never stood up for myself until now, I wish I could of said it to his face instead at the time.

I mean he can take me there if he wants but he’ll expose himself to everyone which is the whole issue he wants hidden to begin with.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 31/03/2022 20:00

Leave him alone.

It doesn’t matter what he’s doing with his new gfs and if he’s cheating on them. Just stay out of their relationship.

If you’re in the same friendship circle you’re just going to have to meet them when he’s not there and don’t bring him up around them.

Iwonder08 · 31/03/2022 20:02

He is right, you are harrasing him. Leave the guy alone and move on. Perhaps you also need a therapy

WonderfulYou · 31/03/2022 20:02

Also stop meeting up with the ex gf and swapping stories.

If you need to talk to someone do it on here or to a therapist.

Fireflygal · 31/03/2022 20:03

He won't be able to go to court for criminal charges unless police are involved. He may be able to demonstrate harassment but I think if you stop messaging then the police are unlikely to follow up. They may however, it depends, so you could get a visit. Again it depends on how you have acted and continue to act.

For a civil case he might have to show losses as a result of your claims but given he is trying to hide his past that might be unlikely.

The worse thing you can do is to unmask a narcissist. They will stoop to much lower levels than you could ever so it is never worth trying to take them on.

Your messages appear unhinged and he will be able to show his next partner that you were acting crazy so he will be the "victim" so this has massively backfired on you.

Let it go, move on and learn from it

Herejustforthisone · 31/03/2022 20:11

He’s got a good harassment case against you. Your intentions may have been good but you have been harassing him. Stop now.

Original poster
Flowertree1212 · 31/03/2022 20:14

@Fireflygal

He won't be able to go to court for criminal charges unless police are involved. He may be able to demonstrate harassment but I think if you stop messaging then the police are unlikely to follow up. They may however, it depends, so you could get a visit. Again it depends on how you have acted and continue to act.

For a civil case he might have to show losses as a result of your claims but given he is trying to hide his past that might be unlikely.

The worse thing you can do is to unmask a narcissist. They will stoop to much lower levels than you could ever so it is never worth trying to take them on.

Your messages appear unhinged and he will be able to show his next partner that you were acting crazy so he will be the "victim" so this has massively backfired on you.

Let it go, move on and learn from it

Thank you for going into a bit more detail, from what you’ve told me that puts my mind at ease a bit.

He’s in survival mode now and will say anything to keep his mask on. I know I’ve tried to get him back at his own game a bit and it makes me even feel crap about this. I just don’t like justice not being served but ultimately it’s not my place

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread