ExW and marital home

[getmeouttahere2019]

Thoughts on if I am BU please 
DP of 8 years has 2DC. We have lived together in my house for 6 years. I am the sole owner since my own divorce 10 years ago.
One DC is college age and one high school age.
I have kept this property as it is large enough for my own DC and also DP DCs to have a bedroom each when they are with DP - 60/40 arrangement, otherwise I think I would have downsized many years ago.

My issue is DPs financial arrangement with his EXW.
He has paid the required maintenance since they separated 9 years ago (no CSA involvement) PLUS half the mortgage on their marital home in which EXW and their children still reside. He is still on the mortgage.
DP says it was initially agreed that when things were settled EXW would seek a mortgage for the property in her sole name and keep any equity in the property as hers alone.
She in turn would leave DPs pension alone.
There is very little difference in these 2 amounts so no one is either gaining or loosing.
In all these years no movement has been made by EXW to remortgage until she was nudged slightly earlier this year by DP.
She now says her income won't get her a mortgage to cover the amount needed.
For context EXW works P/T, term time only and claims a decent amount of Tax credits plus maintenance from DP. She is bringing in more a month than DP.
She is also double degree educated so doesn't necessarily have to be in a min wage role or work only term-time now the DC are older.
This is what she chooses to do rather than having no options.
I feel that with the help of a broker there will be a mortgage that is available to her, I know the figures and it is definitely doable.
In the meantime, we are unable to buy somewhere together as he still has a mortgage with EXW and I am paying for us to live in a relatively large house with its own large mortgage as DP is still paying towards his EXW home.
AIBU to think that, by now EXW should be at least trying to stand on her own two feet and DP should be in a position after all this time to move on?

Do and his ex waited a similar amount of time to sort out their house. The children were quite young and ex w wasn’t working. We both rented separately for a few years and then we rented together so like you op we couldn’t buy a house until he was out of that mortgage. Ex W wasn’t keen but DP pushed it - he had incentive to, because he hated paying rent! He paid her £825 maintenance a month and there was no problem accepting this as part of her income - although this may have been because the children were quite young, the maintenance was not court ordered. Your DP needs to have a reason to push this with his ex - mine was the same in terms of guilt / not wanting to disrupt the family home - but he had to realise there is a point at which you need to move on.

@ThuMuClu that's exactly it, he's not a bad guy at all, he's just trying to do right by his kids but they have 2 parents who are equally responsible and it's just gone on long enough now.

Would it not make more sense for you to keep your house (or a new house) as yours, protecting your asset and your childrens inheritance? for now at least.

There are other women in your position who wouldn't want to give up that financial independence. Your relationship could be great now but there's no guarantees.

And then couldn't your partner work out something in regards to the equity and pension, so that he will benefit from it later on. Hopefully at that point you will also benefit if you are still together in return for him not paying for the rent or mortgage.

Good posts as always by @MeridianB

I feel for you OP but you need to put a fire under his arse and get some serious discussions/decisions underway. They’re all too bloody comfortable and you’re the one paying the price.

When you met him was he renting his own place? Basically, you should of stayed living separate until he had his finances sorted - and the incentive would of been there. By moving him in, he has no incentive as it's working fine for him and his exW, but it's at the detriment of you. So now, the incentive you are left with is downsizing unilaterally, then he will have to move out to get room for his DC's. He will be paying more for a change whereas you will be paying less, and then you are back at him having incentive to sort the finances out, because he will feel the pinch renting and paying half a mortgage at the same time.
If he sees you unilaterally downsizing as a cue to end the relationship, he was only in it for the convenience, at least you will know.
So just tell him you are going to look for a new house, and put yours up for sale, it's up to him to sort his life out then.