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Original poster

12 year age gap.. Can it work?

51 replies

Mindthegap653 · 31/03/2022 15:34

Met someone from OLD.
He is so unbelievably attractive and the personality of which I have got to know of him is also attractive.
I'm 36 and he's 48...
We both have our own kids, both have our own home and set up etc.
We're both keen to progress, we've dated nicely.
I'm just wondering if I'm going to find any stumbling blocks dating someone 12 years old..
He's very fit and works out every day and I was so attracted to him when I met him.
He said i was very grounded and had a lovely personality but I'm extremely responsible and he wouldn't have dated someone my age if they didn't have a child but because we have children we're on the same wavelength.
Am I going to regret it?

OP posts:
saggyhairyass · 31/03/2022 15:42

My DB is 12 years younger than his female partner and they've been together for almost 20 years!

Give it a go?

beattieedny · 31/03/2022 15:44

Oh gosh, give it a go! Age gap of 12years is nothing! Good luck and enjoy your new love!

billy1966 · 31/03/2022 15:46

Possibly.
He'll be 60 when you are his age.
A big difference.
Fit at 48 is not guaranteed fit at 60.

After 55 a lot of aches and pains can arrive, despite the best of diets and lifestyle.

I would be very wary, but then I am late 50's married to a lovely man that is 60 soon and I see people's health around me deteriorating, despite them being very sporty, fit and disciplined with their diet.

It is worth thinking about before you leap.Flowers

whoturnedthesunoff · 31/03/2022 15:48

Oh go for it ! Enjoy every moment !

Original poster
Mindthegap653 · 31/03/2022 15:50

I think I'm just cautious. But he is seriously fit😂. I've not fancied anyone like I fancy him.
I guess we can just see how it goes.
When I think of age gap love. I think of impotence, erectile dysfunction, aches and pains and men eventually turning into Victor Meldrew🤔

OP posts:
packedlunches · 31/03/2022 15:54

Life's too short to worry about these things imo.
If you like him go for it.
My only concern would be that you seem to be focusing a lot on his appearance - what about his personality?
I used to go out with a very attractive man but he was so boring that I broke up with him. Looks aren't everything. Something to think about.

billy1966 · 31/03/2022 15:56

You are right, all of tjose things do happen, but not to all men.

I think some men get settled into old age quicker than women.

Enjoy yourself, but guard your heart.
Don't jump in too quickly.

beattieedny · 31/03/2022 15:58

Sure, getting old happens, but if you do form a strong relationship, you deal with it! Don't be shallow about it going in and you will be fine.

5128gap · 31/03/2022 15:58

There are of course exceptions, and your man may well be one of them, but ime, typically middle aged men don't have the same energy levels, enthusiasm for life, openess to change/new experiences as women of their own age; never mind women in their 30s. Even if this has not started to show yet, I'd be very surprised if it didn't in the next 5 years or so. It all depends on what you're looking for in life, but many women as they get older want a lot more from life than an older man can, or is willing to, offer.

irregularegular · 31/03/2022 16:01

I think you can only judge on the person not the age gap. There is not particular reason to think that a relationship with a 12 year age gap can't work. My DH is 10-11 years older than me. We were 22 and 32 when we met, 50 and 60 now. We are very compatible and happy. Most people assume he is younger than he is. I think it helped that we were not a very different stages of life when we met. I was just starting out as a graduate student and he was just finishing his PhD in similar subject and we had a common circle of friends, who fell between our ages.

(Before that I had a much bigger age gap and I was still very young. That I don't recommend)

rainbowandglitter · 31/03/2022 16:03

I'm in my 30s and dh is 15 years older. I've not come across problems yet. He's very fit (runs 10k in 37 minutes) and doesn't have one grey hair anywhere. He doesn't act old either. Guess it might catch up with us in the future but I'm living for the moment not a 'what if' in the future. I love him to bits.

5128gap · 31/03/2022 16:03

@beattieedny

Sure, getting old happens, but if you do form a strong relationship, you deal with it! Don't be shallow about it going in and you will be fine.
But why would you deal with it if you don't have to? There's a world of difference between growing old together with someone who you've formed a strong relationship with over the years, when it would indeed be shallow to reject them as they age; than deliberately choosing someone older when you're young.
Ragwort · 31/03/2022 16:08

You've only just met so enjoy dating, you don't need to think about the future or living together/getting married. Just enjoy the moment.

WhoppingBigBackside · 31/03/2022 16:10

@Mindthegap653

I think I'm just cautious. But he is seriously fit😂. I've not fancied anyone like I fancy him. I guess we can just see how it goes. When I think of age gap love. I think of impotence, erectile dysfunction, aches and pains and men eventually turning into Victor Meldrew🤔
I always rather fancied Victor Meldrew
Tdcp · 31/03/2022 16:10

My aunt is 13 years older than my uncle. They're been together 32 years now

Watchkeys · 31/03/2022 16:11

The basic answer is that there's no way to know if this relationship will work any more than anybody can know if any relationship can work.

Nobody can see into the future for you. But if you're posting on a forum about it, you already have doubts. You wouldn't be posting if you didn't. Nobody can tell you that he won't turn into Victor Meldrew, so if it's worrying you already, before you're even in a relationship, have a think about what will make that stop, because you don't want that in the back of your mind every day.

TreacheryPepper · 31/03/2022 16:12

There are twenty years between DH and I. We're very happy.

5128gap · 31/03/2022 16:16

Oh, and a further note of caution, how low did he set his preferred age range on OLD to be matched with a 30s woman? Given we all age, I'd be a bit wary of a middle aged man who is only interested in women much younger than himself. If an age gap just happens because two people meet and get on despite their age, it's a different thing to a man who deliberately seeks it.

Ragwort · 31/03/2022 16:24

Very good point 5128gap go back and look at his profile OP.

CthulhuInDisguise · 31/03/2022 16:42

My late husband was 22 years older than me and that worked really well so 12 years isn't an issue in my view. However my current partner is 6 years older than me and is a bit nervous about the age gap (he's never dated a younger woman before, his wife was older than him). Everyone has their own opinion but the point is, if it works for you, then it's not an issue.

billy1966 · 31/03/2022 17:04

Excellent points from @5128gap

GreyCarpet · 31/03/2022 17:12

There are 12 years between my boyfriend and me.

I'm 47 to his 59.

Thee are some obvious age related differences but he is very youthful in attitude. It's not been a problem so far...

GreyCarpet · 31/03/2022 17:14

@5128gap

Oh, and a further note of caution, how low did he set his preferred age range on OLD to be matched with a 30s woman? Given we all age, I'd be a bit wary of a middle aged man who is only interested in women much younger than himself. If an age gap just happens because two people meet and get on despite their age, it's a different thing to a man who deliberately seeks it.
Definitely agree with this!

My boyfriend and I knew each other for a few years before getting together and he jad soe concerns bout the age difference initially. That's very different from a man who will only date women 10-20 years younger than he is.

beattieedny · 31/03/2022 17:14

Presumably if you love someone then you deal with what life brings. None of us are guaranteed an old age or a life free from illness. I have friends in their forties who are widowed.

MermaidEyes · 31/03/2022 17:18

I'm just wondering if I'm going to find any stumbling blocks dating someone 12 years old..

Well, he might ask for help with his homework which could be a bit of a bummer 😁

But seriously, if you like him go for it. My dad is 10 years older than my mum, he's in his 80s and still pretty fit and healthy whereas she's the one with the health issues. And you might only date for a short while then realise you're not compatible anyway, in which case the age gap will make no difference.

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