Hi all, I've lingered here for some time and finally plucked up courage to post. Apologies for the long post but here goes:
Been married for 14 years, together 16. DD of 7.5 years when things changed massively in our relationship. He became very selfish and at first quite resentful towards our DC.. couldn't stand her crying, triggered if she would get hurt and cry, hardly liked to play with her, has never really taken her anywhere until this last year and has been a handful of ocassions, generally not wanting to be involved unless it suited. Don't get me wrong, she is the apple of his eye, he loves and adores her and would do anything for her. I suggested counselling for him on several ocassions as I'm sure his own childhood stuff was coming up, abandonment issues etc. He can be quite intimidating, never used violence here, but has a strong intimidating presence that everyone can pick up on when he's not in a good mood. He used to often take his frustrations out on me, blaming for things he couldn't work out like not being able to get the mic on his computer to work for interviews and other things. Awful towards the cat if he meowed, no tolerance. When he's in a good mood he's very pleasant, bit of a Jeckyl and Hyde character. We grew apart fast and I tried to help him build a better relationship with DD for both their sakes. It's gotten better but still falls short in so many ways. Wasn't bothered about doing anything as a couple, wasn't interested in couples therapy etc etc. Generally doesn't do a lot when at home, constantly eats junk food and rarely eats home cooked meals. Doesn't have anything to do with my family as he finds them difficult to tolerate. He's very focussed on his online presence, but has also been in and out of jobs as he can't stand to be a 'slave to the system', (I get that but..) Has so much potential to go further, do better but doesn't. I've thought about ending it for years but got serious about it in the last 12 months and especially the last 3 or 4. He has no friends and doesn't see much of his family.
So, this weekend just gone I finally had the chat that I'd put off for so long as I couldn't let another day go by. He was distraught, cried for 2 days straight. Doesn't want to let go, thinks we can work it out. I can't bear the thought though of being with him anymore and crave for me and DD to have a place of our own. I've had counselling for me which has helped me get clear and will have some for our DD too.
We chatted again last night, it got a bit more serious as he thinks I'm being unreasonable, that I'm going to destroy his life and our DD's, that I'll be effing her up, just like he was when he was a kid when his parents separated. He's said it's all going to change starting now, he's seen the error of his ways and he should be given a second chance (despite having had plenty of opportunities). He said his wife and child should be at home and that it can't happen, just no.
The devastation this will cause has been put squarely on my shoulders which has troubled me, but still feel I should do it.
Finding this part so hard and not sure how to pluck the courage for the next step. I really now just want to move out with dd (although scared of upsetting/damaging her) and also a bit scared to go against him if I'm honest.
He now wants to start getting involved with all the activities we do out side the home (we home educate) and I'm just not comfortable with that but he says that isn't fair.
Am i being unreasonable?? Any and all advice, greatly appreciated.
Thanks if you made it all the way to the end!