Have had second thoughts about online date and want out..

[Gazpacho000]

I matched with someone on tinder, spoke for a few days then swapped numbers. He's become quite full on quite quickly. He messages and if I don't message back straight away he'll message again. Leaves me copious amounts of voice notes when I'm at work. I've got the ick now.
I feel terrible to just ghost him or block him as he's not an awful person and nobody deserves that. I've had that happen to me and it made me feel like crap.
What can I say to him to say I'm not interested anymore but in a gentle way. He's already sent me a morning text which has made me feel ick.

Just say that your "circumstances have changed" and you're not interested in hearing from him any more. Then block.

Just tell him you’re no longer interested, block and move on.

Just say that you can no longer go on the date, then block him. You don’t know if he’s an awful person or not, he might be an absolute nightmare for all you know. You owe him nothing, just cancel and move on.

Too much too soon. Block him. Have a think for a couple of days and see if you want to continue. Sadly this is all too common, like guys that wont go away in bars.

You don't owe this person anything.

You know nothing about him really - he could be an awful person in all honesty.

He is already giving you the 'ick' and you haven't even met.

Just say as pp says, your circumstances have changed and you don't want to be in touch anymore, then block.

x-posts

Perhaps you could say your no longer looking to date anyone and wish him all the best.

Or you could be really honest and say you're finding all his messaging a bit full on and so would rather not go ahead with the date now. Could be helpful with his future endeavours!

You don't owe him anything, you barely know him.

If you do really want to tell him something then I'd be honest "I'm finding the amount of contact you're looking for from me quite overwhelming. I think we want different things, so for that reason I don't wish to pursue this any more. All the best for the future."

Then block him because he will undoubtedly try to change your mind or talk you round.

@toastfiend

You don't owe him anything, you barely know him.

If you do really want to tell him something then I'd be honest "I'm finding the amount of contact you're looking for from me quite overwhelming. I think we want different things, so for that reason I don't wish to pursue this any more. All the best for the future."

Then block him because he will undoubtedly try to change your mind or talk you round.

This sounds good.. I don't want to make him feel like crap as its not nice but I agree with everyone saying I don't owe him anything.

I have only in the past 18 months learned to understand boundaries. Growing up if someone showed interest in me I felt it was mean to reject them. I thought I should be grateful. I remembered what it felt like to be dumped. So I thought I couldn't be mean enough to do it to someone else. With the result I had lots of anguish about ending or not starting things. Don't be like me. I had so much guilt about it. And being unhappy in relationships that I was frightened to end.

I would just say, sorry I’ve changed my mind.

I don’t give my number out before dates any more as I couldn’t bear the texts day and night and the expectation to reply straight away.

There was a comment he made which immediately turned me off him also. He is aware I have a daughter and he said if anything serious was to happen between him and I then he can imagine that my daughter would wrap him around her little finger. It was extremely presumptuous to think I would even introduce my daughter to anyone. I put him straight on that straight away. It was a weird and presumptuous comment to make and it immediately turned me off him.

Sometimes it's hard to strike the right level of contact, text you too little then they're not interested, text you too much and they appear crazy. Sometimes I think it's inexperience in dating that makes them do this and sometimes it'll be because that's their personality and you're seeing a glimpse of bad things to come. But this early on before you've even met, you need to go with your gut feeling. The guys like this with me on online dating were the ones who went nasty when I called it off. But then my husband was quite full on in a good way but I liked it because I liked him and I knew for certain he wanted me, not like some flaky men who just want a night or sex or a text buddy.

Don't like the sound of that either. In my experience it's not worth telling a stranger why you're put off, though. I'd just say "Been nice chatting but I don't think we want the same thing" and block.

Such a minefield online dating.

Yes, once you get the ick. There is absolutely no going back.

That's a creepy thing to say. I would send that message about too much contact though. If you get into the creepy conversation it'll take more of your headspace.

You've the ick because this man you have not even met yet is already engaging you in a fantasy relationship. And not only that he has also started a fantasy relationship with your daughter that he decided to tell you about. These are not benign actions, they indicate an obsessive personality in the very least. Projecting on to you in this way robs you of your agency, it is dominating behaviour, and for it to be on full display this early on is a big red flag. Well done for spotting it.

The I would have broke things off after the comment about your dd.

I wouldn't lie and say you aren't interesting in dating anyone. Some of these creepy fuckers have more than one tinder profile.

I have a snap chat account specifically for tinder. Means they don't have my number, so cannot withhold number and all that.

He sounds pretty awful to me OP. That behaviour is totally inappropriate. Block block block.

You could say 'I'm sorry but someone has come back in to my life I'm not available anymore' or I've had a match/date with someone and I'd like to see him again. Both of which should send him running.

I also don't tell them I have children until after we've met. When the question is asked before then I ask what the relevance is, they aren't chatting to any I might have or not.

Started doing that when I realised some blokes think your desperate and should be happy they are interested in you.

At the very least he is massively insecure and desperate, to be deliberately making this into more than it is.

At worst, he is saying, the child did it, the child was in control.

For me, I'd send him quite a harsh message.

'I want you to know that you have turned me off with too many messages and an inappropriate level of fake closeness, when we have not even met. I'm afraid I no longer want to date you and wish to say goodbye.'

Op being assertive and having boundaries is not the same as being rude. You need to protect yourself here. Tell him you aren't available then block block block. Then never think about him again. You need to have better boundaries if you are dating. Any maniac can be online.