How to manage friend situation

[Ilovebrussels]

I'm married with 3 daughters. Friend is single parent, her daughters go to their dads eow. On the weekends when friend doesn't have the children, she likes to have something planned for every hour of the weekend. She literally will not be alone. She often wants me to commit to spending the whole day with her. I'm finding this a real struggle, as it feels like I am saying to my H and children ''I'm off for the day, its a lovely day the sun is shining, enjoy yourselves coz I've got loads planned for me today and I'll see you when I turn up (i.e. when friend releases me, or that's what it feels like) sometime tonight''. I realise friend doesn't want to be alone at the weekends, but its not my job to entertain her. At the weekends I would much rather be at home. I cannot stand shopping (she loves it). My H wont do anything with the girls while I am off for the day, but the girls mostly do their own stuff anyways (ages 13 - 16).

AIB selfish to not want to go out with friend ? I'm more than happy to see her in the eves, including a weekend eve. But my weekend days are precious to me as I have the 3 girls and a stressful FT job with 17 staff to manage in the week.

You need a few phrases to fall back on when she talks about weekend plans. “Um no sorry, that doesn’t work for me”, “Hmm ah no I’m not around on Saturday, it’s not a good day - too much on” etc etc Don’t over explain and practice saying them out loud to yourself. If she asks exactly what you’re doing, breezily say you have loads on but don’t give her any details. Give her a slot of an hour or two for coffee but that’s all. It’s your time, your family, your partner that you want to put first. She will (maybe already has) start becoming way too reliant on you. Not fair to either of you so this will encourage her to spread her wings a bit before you get so fed up you opt out completely.