Dating profile

[ivebeenbumbled]

Said I'd never do this, but here we are! My colleague had success on Bumble and said to give it a go.

I have no idea what to write, or how jokey to be. I've filled in a couple of the prompt questions, but I've no idea what to write in the bio, or whether my prompt question answers are shit.

I've said I'm interested in design, yoga, and the gym. Truth is, I've joined the gym last month and been once, I do yoga once a week because my friend is training to be a teacher, and I've been once to a jewellery workshop (I do intend to go again, but further afield). But it feels a bit exaggerated. Compete bullshit, you might say.

How much should I write about myself, my parental status, and what I'm on there for?

Help please 🙏

PS - on reflection, there's no doubt the prompt answers are shit

Well you did say interests not dedicated hobbies you must attend every week

I wouldn't worry too much, as long as its positive, somewhat truthful, it's a communication starter, If they bother to read it.

I would state what your looking for, again not everyone will read but some will.
Mention you have children if you do, I just say I have older children, a bit vague but gives some idea.
Children can be a deal breaker as do certain pets so best to eliminate as quick as possible.

@seensome

Thank you. I do intend to maintain each of these interests, I just can't promise on what level!

Do some people genuinely just swipe based on the photo? Ugh, I don't like this already. Especially since women have to swipe first.

What are the decent sites? Don't mind paying. Saved a shitload being dateless forever

Yes it's quite shallow isn't it. Bumble is one of the better ones, most will respond unlike tinder where you don't know who should say something first or not.

I've only tried match as a paid site but tbh I wasn't keen on the quality on there, I was either attracting men far too young or too old. I did meet a boyfriend from there but to be honest I was getting desperate and it didn't work out to be a good match after all. I've been single quite a while now but prefer bumble if I do dabble, I've not tried other paid sites so will be interesting what others say.

Can you limit your age group on Bumble?

Bumping for both of us then

Why don't you put what you've put here? It will show you have a sense of humour, at least!

To be honest, I get really pissed off when blokes say they do something on their profile, then it turns out they don't really; like they've wasted my time. I want someone active. Don't say you're active if you're not. It's lying.

I get that @arethereanyleftatall

But I would actually like to be active! I just don't really have anyone to be active with! I mean, I don't want a boyfriend to go to the gym with, but someone to maybe try some cycling, hillwalking, rock climbing. Just to try new things with.

@PonyPatter44 does it not just show that I have a bit of a potty mouth? I promise I absolutely do not. I know when to keep that zipped.

My experience is this...and it might differ area to area, age to age...

Bumble. Ok, good looking men on there. But loads swipe right without even looking. So you get all excited that you've got a match, spend ages thinking up a brilliant opener, and then...nothing. All. The. Time. They just swipe right on everyone, then decide. It's rude.

Tinder. Similar to above. Matches mean nothing. I've NEVER got anything other than text chat/naughty text chat from tinder. Not one single date.

POF. I get loads in interest from this, but rarely like them back. Don't like the fact anyone can message me. I know men see it as 'might as well try and punch above my weight', I see it as 'how dare you.' But have had my two best relationships from POF. I hide my profile, unless I see someone in a 5 mile radius I like, then I I hide it.

Hinge. For me this has been the best one. Men of similar demographic to me.lots of chat and dates from it. I like that you can hear their voice - turns out that's more important to me than looks.

Well @arethereanyleftatall, you've sold me absolutely none of those

Once I've matched on Bumble (look at me, getting all ahead of myself), can either of us message, or does it have to be me?

And on Hinge, what's this about hearing their voice? Do you have to upload a video or something?!

It has to be you. It's good in a way, because it stops fat ugly blokes ten years older than you messaging 'your (sic) the best luking (sic) bird on here' when you've got all excited by the ping. It's bad in a way, because many have swiped right without looking, so don't spend too much time on an opener!

I've just joined hinge today again, seems a new optional feature to leave a voice note, I like it!

Tip - I copy and paste the same opening line now. Saves me time firstly, and secondly, you can tell a lot from the different responses to the same opener. So, I leave it a bit open for banter from my intro, and the ones that miss it, mostly don't get responded to.

I’d just write a couple of lines that get your personality across rather than listing hobbies. Something like ‘reluctant exerciser, potty mouthed chocolate addict (ok that’s maybe just me), looking for someone to enjoy the great outdoors with’ and take it from there. I do think your photos are the most important. I like using Bumble, the men on there are definitely better quality.

@QueenAstrid

I’d just write a couple of lines that get your personality across rather than listing hobbies. Something like ‘reluctant exerciser, potty mouthed chocolate addict (ok that’s maybe just me), looking for someone to enjoy the great outdoors with’ and take it from there. I do think your photos are the most important. I like using Bumble, the men on there are definitely better quality.

That's definitely not just you, although I think you could actually be me

I assume you can change a bio?

I only ask because I now die on an almost daily basis when Facebook reminds me of the absolute drivel I used to write on there in months years gone by.

Yes you can change it any time. I find if someone has a short but witty bio it’s easier to come up with fun openers when you message them. Good luck!

“I do yoga once a week because my friend is training to be a teacher, and I've been once to a jewellery workshop (I do intend to go again, but further afield).”

And

“I would actually like to be active! I just don't really have anyone to be active with! I mean, I don't want a boyfriend to go to the gym with, but someone to maybe try some cycling, hillwalking, rock climbing. Just to try new things with.”

These are brilliant, I think. I’d put that. Your personality comes across, I think, as well as some relevant info/conversation starters. Based on that profile and your chat in the comments, I’d date you!

Anyway, I met my STB husband (getting married this summer) on OKCupid four years ago. I really enjoyed OKC and had lots of lovely dates with some very nice men. I’m in London and was looking to date early 30s professionals, so demographics might play a part.

When it comes to interests it doesn't matter if you don't do it much now just don't put anything you don't want to do in the future eg if you put gym, someone reading it who is into the gym might think you make a good match, no good if you actually hate it.

I put sailing because I had been a few times and wanted to do more - meeting someone new allows you to reinvent yourself

Thoughts please?

"First of all, saying I’m interested in the gym, was, at this stage, an outright lie. I’ve joined (again) and I’m trying. Never let it be said that I got you here under false pretences!

I’ve recently started yoga as my friend is training to be a teacher, and I’m also hoping to attend some more jewellery courses, having done that last year.

Just looking for someone to laugh with, and try new things with. Basically, I’m here to see if that whole “Life begins at 40” cliche might be true!"

Fabulous. I might get rid of “Basically, I’m here to see if that whole “Life begins at 40” cliche might be true!” as I don’t think it adds much. And? If you’re actually into outdoor activity, stick in something about cycling, hillwalking, rock climbing, etc. Like attracts like!

But that’s just a personal preference. I think it’s great as it is.

That was supposed to read And if you’re actually into. Please ignore the errant aggy question mark!

Thanks @Hausa! Noted.

Any other feedback welcome 🙏

A little lunchtime bump.

Still looking for recommendations of sites, help with my bio, and any other hints and tips.

God, can't believe I'm considering this. Always considered it so... transactional.

Most of the people on paid-for sites are also on the free ones, and unless you live in or near a major city, membership can be sparse so I wouldn’t bother paying.

I use OKCupid and Tinder. OKC gives users plenty of opportunity to create a really good, in-depth profile with detail, so you can distinguish those who’ve put a bit of effort in and are therefore probably relatively serious, from those who aren’t; and also being able to input a lot of detail effectively hands people enough rope to hang themselves, because you’ll generally see from what somebody chooses to write if they’re a bit of a cunt.

Tinder, paradoxically, works in a similar way for me: because it limits how many words you can include on your profile, it sort of invokes the old adage “I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to write you something shorter” - it actually takes a lot of thought and effort to write something short yet good and effective, so a good Tinder profile can tell you (or I find it does, at least) quite a bit about its author.

I started OLD a couple of weeks ago. Match.com (paid) has been good but too many random likes and hard to sort through to the blokes I’d like. I liked that I could write a fairly detailed profile.

Hinge has good looking folk on it! It’s quite show-y and I find the prompts quite cringey. Have a hinge date this weekend.

I would say, don’t get sucked into week of messages (unless that’s what you want!), move quickly to a phone call and if that’s good, a meet up.
Personally I am not keen on one word/impersonal messages or lots of kisses or anything a bit too forward in messages, so I tend to just delete those.

Yes it does feel transactional, but my first date (a walk with my dog and a coffee) was actually really relaxed. It’s good to just get out there and meet people.

I met my BF on Bumble. I tried tinder for a couple of days before deleting it then matched with him first day I was on bumble. I preferred it over tinder. I matched with a fair few men and got asked out on tinder, but no one on talking too I was really interested in.

Thanks for these!

I'm still anti-Tinder for now. Just can't shake that whole hook up feel about it, if I'm honest.

I thought Match was one of the better ones, but maybe that's just marketing. Don't think I've even seen Bumble advertised on tv?

Will see how I go with my profile on Bumble. Although i can see me getting roped into paying for it.