Anyone dealt with pervy husband

[Loveisallweneed]

Husbands always been a bit of a perv but not more than exes so I just figured it was not a massive issue at the time , we’ve been married 20 plus years and are in our 50s .
Last few years Ive noticed he seems worse , staring slyly at women 20-30 mostly . He will look then look back at them back again when he think no one’s looking : I’m sure he thinks he’s being discreet . He’ll always make sure he’s wearing dark glasses if we are anywhere like pools etc but of course the head is always turning . When the glasses are off it’s the look he used to give me many many years ago , that look of desire … I’m sure many women here know it
I’ve raised the issue before and told him it feel disrespectful but he gets extremely defensive and denies doing it
He barely noticed me which only compounds the issue and in pretty certain he had very little attraction to me if any . I often think meeting someone new who actually was interested in me instead of every random younger woman or even going it alone would be a happier life
For anyone who is keen to say it’s people watching , I can assure you he does not ‘people watch other men , older women etc …
I’m finding it really pushing me away lately to the point I simply don’t enjoy going places with him because of it . Has anyone else dealt with this and how

@MsTSwift

My 12 year old got off a metro train in tears because of a man like your husband

The women he looks at are between 20-30 not your daughters age . I realise that girls can look older than their age but most of the women are working in places we go to or even friends if my daughters who are 20-30 …….. but as a girl your daughters age I was quite often leered at by creepy older men That’s why I find it’s so disgusting that a fifty year old is staring at 20yr olds that way… he’s literally old enough to be their father

My 12 year old is 5ft 8 and gorgeous could easily pass for 16. Not that it’s acceptable for any age woman but particularly repellent towards girls - who most decent people feel protective towards not lecherous 🙄

He’s perving on your daughters friends? Christ. That’s awful.

I wouldn't give a middle aged man who leched after young women a second more of my time. The way I see it, not only is he an embarrassing nuisance I wouldn't want to be seen with, but he obviously wants something I'm not, so he's certainly not going to be having me as some sort of make do. If he wanted a younger woman, I'd be leaving him to try his luck (and god knows if he has as little to offer as the average middle aged perv, he'd have to get very very lucky) and be off like a shot to find someone who appreciated me. There are thousands of men out there who don't lech after other younger women, including ones who are young themselves, and I'd be off to find one who deserved me.

My partner is mid 50s. He has never done this and never would. It's disgusting. He's purposefully picking on young women who are trapped in the situation to a degree. Women who have to work in places he goes to. Women who are with your daughter. Unless they have the strength and wit to literally say fuck off to him, and most won't, they are having to endure sexual harassment. Sounds like you are fed up anyway so if it helps you have my whole hearted encouragement to leave. It may be out of order to suggest this, but I wonder if he's the type to grab bums on the tube or in bars when alone. I've had the latter. Middle aged saddo and sex offender.

Would lose all respect for DH and it would make me feel repulsed
I would tell him so and explain why it’s disgusting.
I couldn’t go out in public or be intimate in private with him.
It’s the taking sunglasses, like he is prepped to do it, it’s premeditated
And that he thinks he’s smarter than you and denying it

If you're not going to call him out on it, do the same back.

And make it very very obvious, every time you're out.

I don’t think there is any way of dealing with it.

Other than saying:
Look you’ve become a dirty old pervert leering over girls young enough to be your daughter and I’m repulsed and can’t find you attractive because of it.

Tell him he doesn't have time for that sort of thing - unless he has already made several millions GBP.

Bring a spray bottle filled with water and squirt him every time he does it. Or even better, ltb.

Also however unfair when I was on the receiving end of this in my youth I judged the hell out of any woman who was with one of these men. By your presence you are implicitly endorsing it.

@SunshinePie

Biologically he may be at the stage where hormones surge as a “last ditch” attempt to procreate. Could just be a phase that will pass. I guess if he’s not actually enacting on these desires then seems a bit harsh to judge him and blame him for feelings he cannot help. But I can understand how frustrating it must be for you to watch, would make me feel annoyed too. Maybe you could start doing the same to young men and see what his reaction is? Maybe it will sink in a bit more for him.

As a woman in her 20s I will very much blame a man my fathers age for ogling womens bodies while with his wife. The young women don't deserve to be objectified no matter his 'hormone surge'. I'm prime baby making age and you don't see me staring at handsome men because of my hormones. And his wife deserves some bloody respect.

He's a man, not a dog.

He’s a sleazy, entitled, thick as shit, sexist man.

Please listen to the inner voice which is telling you you’d be happier alone, or with someone decent and respectful.

@Deadringer

Bring a spray bottle filled with water and squirt him every time he does it. Or even better, ltb.

Fabulous

Loudly say "young women do not want a dirty old man leering at them. You're embarrassing yourself"