My husband behaves like a child!!!!

[Pbaby0401]

Ok, so I think I just need to rant as my husband has drove me mad today!

Essentially we’ve just got back from a holiday and dd2 has picked up a stomach bug. She’s only 11 months and has therefore been really whiny and clingy with it all day. I start back at work on Monday from my maternity leave and was booked in to get my hair done today (first time in 9 months! And my last appointment 3 weeks ago was cancelled due to dd1 being ill!)

Anyway, Dh has had the 2 girls for 4 hours and I get home and I am just asking questions about how much sleep she’s had, how much fluid, any milk etc etc. and he’s just gone mad about how hard it’s been, how I’ve chosen my hair over our family, how he’s not feeling well either and he’s had enough. To which I’ve said, it’s hard work isn’t it? And he’s gone nuts!!! Slamming doors, shouting at me to shut up etc etc. it’s like having a teenager in the house when all I need is for him to act like a father while his child is poorly. He always manages to turn it round to a ‘what about me???’ attitude and I just feel like he needs to grow up!!!!

Am I expecting too much?? We’ve just found out that we’re expecting dc3 and I’m petrified that another child might tip him over the edge!!

Wow! I didn’t realise how nasty some people can be on these forums!!

Thank you to the people who gave a more mature balanced opinion of the situation. I have given dh a piece of my mind for the time being but dd2 is my priority at the moment! However I think serious chats will be had once this is over!

I wouldn't have left a poorly baby with a man child. It was never going to end well - he's writhing with resentment and will likely sulk for days.

Hope you're not expecting much tomorrow from him...................

These type of posts always end with, "I'm pregnant again"

It doesn’t sound like he’s left with the kids by himself often as how can he be flustered after 4 hours alone…. It’s not as if it was 4 days.

You’re already pregnant with the third so not much can be said but I’d encourage trying to leave him with his own kids more often

If he cannot parent his children whilst you go to the hairdresser (I would think you do not say anything derogatory to him when he returns from somewhere) what hope is there for him?. This is who he is and when someone shows you who they are it pays to believe them. It’s one rule for him and quite another for you here.

Oh do fuck off.

Blaming OP for her husbands behaviour, which has occurred after she became pregnant is deeply unpleasant.

She’s been pregnant twice and is pregnant again. If OP chooses to be with a man child that’s her choice, I don’t see anyone blaming the OP for her husbands behaviour. It’s not difficult to make better choices.

Giving DH a piece of your mind does not really solve the underlying problem I.e him either. What was his response to you supposedly giving him a piece of your mind?.

@BoodleBug51

I wouldn't have left a poorly baby with a man child. It was never going to end well - he's writhing with resentment and will likely sulk for days.

Hope you're not expecting much tomorrow from him...................

He’s her father. Of course op should be able to leave her dh’s dc with him.

Is this usual behaviour for him? Do you want your DC growing up thinking this is how men should be?

I’m a bit surprised at other people’s responses. Your DH obviously massively over-reacted and should never be slamming doors, but I do think he’s within his rights to feel grumpy. We have 3 DCs under 5 and it’s hard work. We never leave the other parent for long chunks on weekends with all three kids (or with both, when we just had 2 under 3). I find my patience maxes out after about 3 hours on my own (which is why I’d be a crummy SAHM!). If my partner left me for 4 hours with two kids on a weekend, one of whom was vomiting, to get his hair done… my blood would be absolutely boiling.

I kind of see why you went, if it was your last chance before starting work on Monday, but I also totally understand your DH’s frustration. Ultimately I think you’re both right and you’re both wrong, and what’s actually shitty in this situation is having a sick baby!

I hope everyone is well soon.

@RoundGlass

You are not expecting enough.

I agree there.

He found looking after two dcs hard work but I suspect that he has never shown you how grateful he was for you to actually do that on your own for the whole 9 months of your ML?
He also thinks it’s ok to lay the guilt thick with ‘not putting your family first’ etc…

As you said serious chats are needed. But I have my doubts as to whether they will help or not. That sort of attitude is deeply engrained.

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers, what did you do during your ML and you had a newborn and a toddler then?
I’m sure at some point you’ve been on your own for the day.

What do you want to teach your girls about relationships as they grow up, that men slam doors and tell their woman to shut up when they are grumpy and or otherwise annoyed?. What sort of relationship are you modelling to them?.

Ouch OP. This is crap behaviour from him. Plus you are back to work on Monday. And having a 3rd? You surely can see that this is a bit odd right? You come on and moan how useless he is and then add in that you have therefore decided to have a 3rd. Best of luck.

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers she’s back to work on Monday. She hasn’t had a hair cut in months. He should suck it up.

What would happen if you told him to get a grip and grow up? He sounds deeply pathetic.

@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish

Why are wome in these situations always pregnant again?

Make better choices.

Unhelpful and nasty

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers

I’m a bit surprised at other people’s responses. Your DH obviously massively over-reacted and should never be slamming doors, but I do think he’s within his rights to feel grumpy. We have 3 DCs under 5 and it’s hard work. We never leave the other parent for long chunks on weekends with all three kids (or with both, when we just had 2 under 3). I find my patience maxes out after about 3 hours on my own (which is why I’d be a crummy SAHM!). If my partner left me for 4 hours with two kids on a weekend, one of whom was vomiting, to get his hair done… my blood would be absolutely boiling.

I kind of see why you went, if it was your last chance before starting work on Monday, but I also totally understand your DH’s frustration. Ultimately I think you’re both right and you’re both wrong, and what’s actually shitty in this situation is having a sick baby!

I hope everyone is well soon.

Good grief How odd, why did you have 3 DC? I took mine ( 3 and 6) all over the place on days out, I learnt to manage them. She got her hair done, she didnt leave the country!

Oh and raging, slamming doors and telling his wife to shut up is abusive behaviour.
I might expect DH to be glad I was back but not " go nuts"
Its designed to intimidate her so she never does it again.
I cant believe how low expectations of men are on here

Sounds like he needs more practise at doing the dad thing on his own imo.

If this is a one off then could he be coming down with something?
Just before I tested positive for covid I was really irritable and snappy which is really out of character for me.

If this is not a one off then I don’t understand why you’re still with him, let alone having another baby.
They are his kids too and you should absolutely be able to leave them with him as often as you’d like without him sulking about it.

Unless this is extremely unusual behaviour for your dh I think adding a third child might just tip you over into utter disaster.

YANBU. Clingy, sick kid just means that you have to dedicate yourself to them - it's not hard, just boring (OK, adding in the second is tricky, I was lucky, my eldest was always chilled, and my youngest likes playing nurse, so if one was sick, the other wasn't a problem)

This is a him thing. I get the frustration, that as an adult, you don't really want to sit on the settee watching Bing all day with a sweaty, odd-smelling todder - but that's just what you have to do.

Don't feel guilty about it in the slightest, you're allowed to get your bloody hair cut occasionally (I'm assuming DP manages to get to the barber occasionally?)

How often does your DH parent the DC on his own?

If the answer is not very often, then that needs to change!

He should not of shouted at you, slammed doors and certainly should not be trying to make you guilty for having a few hours doing something for yourself.

When he has calmed down, I would be telling him that he is their parent and should expect to parent his children on his own. As you do when he is at work/gym/socialising etc.