Should I speed up my exit?

[plotmissinginaction]

I have been planning a soft and slow wriggle free from my relationship. He name calls, swears, loses his temper a lot and it's unpleasant. I feel constantly on edge. I felt I could hang on though, I didn't feel I was in physical danger, just emotionally unsafe. 2 kids, he is the main earner and I wanted the time to try and get as much in order as possible.

Tonight he kicked the dog. He was in one of his rages and the dog was annoying him. He says he pushed him with his foot . The dog cried out though so either way I am not ok with it. Also, a bit thrown and wondering if I should start speeding things up. He does feel terrible now. I don't know. I just wasn't expecting him to do something like that and it has made me very uneasy.

Anyone who can hurt a helpless animal in temper is capable of hurting people, including kids.

I'm sorry man.

How old are the dc? Old enough not to have to see him?

14 and 11. They were there when it happened. They are used to his tantrums. We just tend to batten down the hatches until it's run its course. Kind of like ignoring a toddler.

Move on as soon as you can and take the dog with you.

He is emotionally abusing you and your children. Get them out of there.

They are used to his violence and threatening behaviour? I doubt that. They will most likely be shutting down from it as a self preservation technique.
You need to get them out of this situation. And take the dog.

Yes, sorry I did not mean to sound glib about that. I just meant that it won't be news to them if that makes sense.

I was working on getting out slowly. This has given me a fright.

Well at 12 my ds went nc with his df. And there was a court order in place. Teach your dc to he assertive. Let them start making more of their own decisions.. They may feel more confident to tell df to do one...

A couple of times when me and DH have argued he's taken it out on the dog. Just generally being nasty to him and I'm sure has hit him once or twice as I've heard him bark which is completely out of character for him. He denied it but I'm pretty sure.
I was all set to move out with DD and dog a couple of months back but he asked for another chance. I'm still trying to decide if I made the right choice in staying.

His behaviour is unacceptable, but I don't understand this advice everyone women gives ..
Is there any way you two can have a serious talk and let him know you can't carry on indefinitely like this ?

Forget the serious chat or slowly leaving the relationship. He has hit an animal and done it in front of your children. The man is seriously unkind and isn't going to get any better.

If you are staying I suggest you re home your dog he will kick it again when you argue again and it does not deserve such treatment

You've posted about this bloke loads before haven't you? I recognise the scenario. You've also been told loads what to do so maybe get your children out of there this time?

Why can't you get out asap and properly protect your children?

@ToBeHappy

A couple of times when me and DH have argued he's taken it out on the dog. Just generally being nasty to him and I'm sure has hit him once or twice as I've heard him bark which is completely out of character for him. He denied it but I'm pretty sure. I was all set to move out with DD and dog a couple of months back but he asked for another chance. I'm still trying to decide if I made the right choice in staying.

You made a mistake.

You and @plotmissinginaction need to leave and get innocent children and family pets away from these scumbags

I have posted before yes. I was planning to go after the summer. I have a separate bank account and wanted to try and put a bit away first. I don't earn much and the financial situation right now does scare me. Saving a bit first seemed sensible. I have been dependent on him for 20 years, have chronic health issues and a child with ASN and no one else who can support me emotionally so going does feel scary and confusing. I am not a confident or particularly strong person and I am afraid. I suppose I posted again because I need to try and keep my head straight. I don't always feel I can trust myself. Anyway, clearly I do need to move faster. Thanks to all for replying.

You need to move now! Make immediate plans. Your children will suffer more the longer you stay. As will you.

If you and dc have health issues are you claiming the benefits you may be entitled to?
Could be the break you need to help you leave.

You would rather let your children and dog live with a violent and abusive man because you are not very confident? You need to realise the damage this is causing them. Sorry to be harsh.

I wouldn't entertain any person who was violent towards an animal, just no.

I’d say leave now and take the dog but can understand your financial difficulties.
You could contact the Cinnamon Trust. They may be able to arrange foster care for your dog , that is then one less thing to protect and plan for and the dog will be safe from injury. TBH any man that kicked my dog wouldn’t be walking today. cinnamon.org.uk/

So he's still kicking your dog then? Or are you posting again rehashing that one occasion?

Either way, the answers don't change no matter how many times you post.

@gamerchick

Anyone who can hurt a helpless animal in temper is capable of hurting people, including kids.

I'm sorry man.

^this.

My ex kicked his dog, shortly after it died of “unknown causes”. It killed whatever feelings I had left for him. Only a despicable person takes their anger out on something smaller and more helpless than they are.

I was looking back at my childhood photos recently and I am smiling and looking happy in all of them except one. Inside I was terrified, dying inside, terrified of my parents and wishing I was dead, I was 5.
I smiled and acted happy because it meant less abuse than if I was hiding in my room or looking sad.
Don't assume your children are ok. They are probably as terrified as I was. I have never recovered, I have significant mental health issues and I'm 60 years old.
Get yourself, your children and the dog out.

and no one else who can support me emotionally so going does feel scary and confusing

Have you ever spoken to Women's Aid? You are exactly who they are there for. They will not rush you into doing anything you don't want to but with their support and guidance you will find yourself becoming more confident and ready to commit to your new life rather than feeling you have to keep putting it off

There is no such thing as slow and soft wriggle free. The abuse will step up horrifically when he gets wind of you leaving. He will never let you go.
Your best bet is to call women's aid and look at getting away into a refuge. You can process the divorce from there. You'll have to rip the plaster off. You will not be able to divorce him still living in the house, you need to live somewhere protected and get housed from there.