Relationship any advice please?

[Leo1991]

I've been in a 6 year rship with my partener we got a 4 year old girl and my son from previous rship.. over the last 2 years I have had to have 4 terminations one was recently and it has totaly put me of sex one because I'm to scared incase I catch again which I have before and 2 because it dont interest me right now my partner gets it but dont really care he wants what he wants and because he dont get it he acts like a child.. causes arguments I'm not myself anymore I dont do the cooking or cleaning as often as I use to ( he never ever cleans the house or cooks) but when his clothes havent been washed he kicks off calls me over in front of our daughter.. I do state that it's his home he can clean and cook aswell as I look after the children and I suffer with my mental health so that gets onto of me most days but his excuse is he works so he dont have to do anything and it's my job. And I'm lazy because I miss a day or 2 from doing it. I've caught him numerous times paying women online to watch them and today confronted him about something he come home from work and has ago at me like it's my fault and then dont speak to me. So me and my daughter goes to ny mothers for a breather and when we come back hes in the shower bathroom door open and is having a good old wank in there.. it disgusts me because our daughter was here she walks in there and catches him is not on! ... hes just so controlling I dont know what to do.. were in a private rented home both names are on tenancy agreement but he wont leave hes trying to chuck me and children out well me and my son as he dont get on with him. I'm so low right now.

Go back to your mum's.
Explain what had happened to your landlord/agency (just financially) accept you might have to pay a bit of rent until end of tenancy. Leave him to it.

Don't go back

Frozendaisy Thank you so much for your advice.. I think that's the best thing to do I'm just finding it hard to accept everything thats happened .. feel like it's all my fault. I mean he makes me feel like a child on times anyway as I'm 30 and hes 48. I dunno thank you anyway much appreciated x

Sounds horrible, please get out of there. Rented is much easier, thankfully you don’t have a mortgage together. Like the above poster, go to your mums

Get out.

He's told you what's he's like, and he's not going to change.

IMO he should leave but if you don't think he will then get out.

Contact Womens Aid who may be able to help you with housing application and legal advise re rent, but in the meantime go to your mums.

He might find that he doesn't want to pay the rent by himself and you get to go back to the house anyway.

If it's just a tenancy and no marriage, leave and go to your mum's. If you are fleeing abuse, which you are, the council have a duty to help if you can't afford private housing by yourself. Speak to Women's Aid, they are great. Have you been on contraception? I only ask as preventing access to that is another form of abuse.

As above posters, leave him for good and go to your mums.
Don’t go back.
Contact Women’s Aid.

You don’t need o put up with him.
Don’t go back to him when/ if he goes back to best behaviour. It will be a tactic to get you to move back and the abuse will start again.

We ain't married thank god! We have a child together and it's a rented property which by the seems he is willing to chuck me out and carry on paying for which I dont know how he is going to do that because he has ago at me all the time that he cant affairs to pay the rent and gas and electric all the time .. he works and pays for the gas/electricity and the rent and I dont work and we get universal credit which I pay the other Bill's out of and food so on so of he has ago at me all the time then I dont know how hes going to live here on his own and because of the way he acts around the little one I feel I cant have him having her through the night on weekends which is going to cause a row which will end up with me ringing police on him again... I find it hard to leave because of the little one because I dont really want him having her over night because of what happened to me when I was 17 I got raped by my dad which makes me cling on to my daughter (sorry if to much info) .. but he knows all this and still treats me like shit .. I'm going to talk to womens aid but in mean time go to ny mothers.

Hi Leo1991,

We're sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

We can see you're getting lots of good advice and support from other Mumsnetters but we just thought we'd add some links to organisations which can give you some support in real life.

Several posters have suggested that you contact Women's Aid and we'd absolutely second that advice. Their 24-hour helpline number is 0808 2000 247, and they have an online online chat support service which operates 8am - 6pm weekdays, and 10:00am - 6pm on weekends.

It's also worth checking out the Freedom Programme - we know it's helped many MNers over the years, so please click on the link.

Finally, here's a link to our domestic violence webguide which lists more organisations which can give you some real-life support.

Sending good wishes to you and your DCs.