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My husband has bruised me 3 times now in our marriage of 5 years, why is it too hard to leave when I don't even like him anymore.

51 replies

jbtk · 23/03/2022 21:17

I hate my husband. He drinks most nights and always starts arguing with me over things that are bizzare. For example tonight I was getting ready to take our 6 month old son to bed. My husband picked him up and smelled his nappy and said it needed changing so I said to change it. He does it but while doing it he started shouting at me about how some nights I change him before bed and some nights I don't. I tried to explain that he is in his night time nappy for a long time so I like to put him in bed with a fresh nappy but some nights I might have changed him 20mins before bed time do I don't change him again when I take him up unless he has had a poop or the nappy looks really wet again. To me this makes perfect sense but my husband just kept going on like I was wrong and that 8 should be consistent and he was getting really angry about it. He was drunk because he was slurring a bit but still I don't get why he was being so nasty about the nappy change. Its not like it even affects him because I take our baby to bed every night and will change his nappy upstairs if I think he needs a fresh one before putting him down. I was getting frustrated and annoyed at my husband for being such a dick about something that to me made perfect sense and doesn't even impact him so I started shouting back because his nastiness for no reason made me so angry. I told him what I thought and after saying he is slurring his words and is a drunk and a bully I poured his whisky down the sink out of anger. He then lost it and kicked me and would gave me the baby to take to bed so I went upstairs. 2 mins later he comes up with the baby and just dumps him on the bed and goes downstairs. I have a bruised ankle and an so upset that all this happened over nothing that needed to be an issue. This happens often but he has only grabs me or hit me and left bruises 3 times in 5 years. I never thought I would even put up with a man doing that to me once never mind 3 times. Partly coz I don't just let him bully me for no reason and I stick up for myself which ends up in screaming rows all the time. I have slapped him a few times when he has been screaming in my face, and I know I shouldn't and again 99% of the time it's over something that seems totally bizzare to be angry about. It gets me more upset because he usually starts something when I am happy and having a nice day/week. He also gets mad because I never want sex anymore but I hate him and he is so mean to me so often over stupid things that I don't want him near me! Before tonight we had been rubbing along OK and I was warming up to him and then he does this and I go to bed in tears and then he will get nasty with me about not giving him sex tomorrow or the day after. I don't even like him most of the time and he very rarely makes me happy.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 23/03/2022 21:21

Your husband took your baby while drunk to change his nappy, you both scream at each other over your baby, he kicks you, you leave your baby with him and he comes and dumps him on the bed?

I pretty much think your next step is clear OP.

LizzieSiddal · 23/03/2022 21:25

Protect your baby and get the hell away from this man. Phone Woman’s Aid if you don’t have anyone in real life to talk to and help you leave.

Charles11 · 23/03/2022 21:29

You and your baby are not safe. You need to leave.

Purpleavocado · 23/03/2022 21:32

Why are you still with him? Are you hoping things will get better? They haven't in five years. This sounds like a really unhealthy relationship.

twinsetandpearl · 23/03/2022 21:35

Why on earth would you have a baby with this man?

Dillydollydingdong · 23/03/2022 21:37

So, I don't know how old you are but how many years til you're 80? Are you going to be happy for all that time? What's the point in stringing it out? You're wasting your life OP.

jbtk · 23/03/2022 21:37

You are right my poor baby deserves so much better from both of us. It's is awful. It breaks my heart that I have to leave the room if my husband won't give me the baby but if I stay and try and get him to give him to me when he is so angry and tipsy it gets worse. I know that he will calm down and bring him up and wouldnt hurt him.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 23/03/2022 21:40

Is that what it would take. For him to hurt the baby? Would it have to be on purpose or would it be excused if he was drunk at the time and an accident?

Your child can't grow up in the middle of this. It's not fair OP.

LizzieSiddal · 23/03/2022 21:42

Have you got anyone in real life that you can go to and stay with?

StickyStickyStickStickSong · 23/03/2022 21:43

A baby shouldn't be around this behaviour and if you were a family I knew I would be reporting him for the baby's sake.
You say he wouldn't hurt him but then again I bet you thought he'd never hurt you?.
Sorry but this is just wrong.
Get yourself and your baby out of this situation please 🙏🏻

AliceW89 · 23/03/2022 21:44

Do you have anywhere to go and stay OP? You and your baby are not safe around this violent alcoholic. This is not normal and leaving the baby in his sole care when he is angry and drunk is very very dangerous.

thebabynanny · 23/03/2022 21:44

This isn't safe for your baby at all, he could end up being seriously injured if you continue like this.

You have to put your baby first now.

HellToTheNope · 23/03/2022 21:46

Are you really going to stay with him until he hurts your baby? Is that really what it will take for you to finally leave? You should have called the police ages ago.

Bluebleu · 23/03/2022 21:50

This post made me sad. Your poor baby. Your little baby can’t help themselves. You need to pack a bag of essentials and leave. This is not going to get better. This WILL get worse.

You and your baby deserve better- a life with love, not fear.

Go now, while you both can. While you are both alive.

daretodenim · 23/03/2022 22:04

he comes up with the baby and just dumps him on the bed
vs
I know..he wouldn't hurt him"

How do you think baby feels being dumped on the bed? He's a little person, not an object. What do you classify as "hurt"? Does he need to be bruised, bleeding, broken bones from being dumped the "wrong way"?

I'm so sorry you're in this situation OP. It's not fair, it's not what you wanted and it's not what you deserve.

The reason getting out of this is difficult is because you are not in flight or fight, you're in freeze. Your mind is no longer looking at what's going on around you and responding to it the way ours are. It's half shut down, numb. It's a totally legitimate response to threat. But you need to get moving.

You need to actively start to figure out where to go. First thing to do is speak to Woman's Aid.

You're going to hear your brain telling you it's not so bad, that it's easier to stay - anything to avoid it having to work. Remember this, because our brains always look for the way they think is easiest. When we're partially numb, its easier for the brain to stay that way meaning it's even harder to crank them into gear! But you absolutely can. Keep lists (somewhere safe) of what needs doing and work through them.

When you find yourself feeling that "it could be worse" or "I don't want to break up my child's family" or "it's just been a few times" then remind yourself that that this is not the reality. It's your brain being a lazy git! And you're going to ignore it and move on. (And btw you'd not be breaking up the family, he did that the first time he hurt you).

Queenie6655 · 23/03/2022 22:09

My ex did this also

Always made excuses for him

Then he tried to kill me
Many women here warned me it would get worse

It always does

Get out or both yoh may end up dead and him in jail

He is VILE

Flackattack · 23/03/2022 22:11

He won’t hurt him . . . Until he does

You would have said he’d never hurt you at the beginning . . .

Unanananana · 23/03/2022 22:17

God, your poor, helpless baby. Parents screaming over him, drunk daddy dumping him on the bed after assaulting his mother?

You need to get away from your H before he kills one of you. Or someone reports the drunken screaming. Because I definately would knowing a child is in the middle of that.

Hairyfairy01 · 23/03/2022 22:18

I think you know that this is not normal OP. If you can't protect yourself you need to at least protect your baby. The only way you can do this is to leave. I think you know this deep down. He won't change, he will only get worse. Help is out there for you.

Motnight · 23/03/2022 22:21

Your husband will hurt your baby Op, don't kid yourself otherwise.

Queenie6655 · 23/03/2022 22:23

Get the BASTARD out of the house

Call the police asap

Now is the time

I used to wait and think ah this will be the last
It just escalated!!!!!

Do not put your innocent child through this ffs

LivMumsnet · 23/03/2022 22:29

Evening.
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our [[https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence Domestic
Violence]] page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ Flowers

Houseplantmad · 23/03/2022 22:34

Quite apart from what this is doing to you, do you want your baby growing up thinking this is normal behaviour. Your baby is being damaged already by this. Please do something to stop that.

Lu901 · 23/03/2022 22:41

He's abusive and drinks and dumps your baby down. This is such a dangerous combination. He could easily hurt him without even meaning to and also because he's abusive! Please leave.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 23/03/2022 22:46

One time, is one time too many. Even the threat of it once is one too many.

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