He didnt come home

[EmmaMarie18]

I'm slowly going out of my mind and don't know where to turn!
My other half went out Saturday and didn't come home for 2 nights apparently stayed with one of his friends, same clothes all weekend getting completely smashed!
He came home and blames me for his actions and puts it down to a disagreement we had on the friday! Ive had no apology he doesn't even seem remorseful!
He's wandering around the house like he's done nothing wrong 🤯
I don't know where to go from here..my anxiety is through the roof..we've got a mortgage and little ones too!
Any advice would be appreciated 😔 thank you

Kick him out tbh

I guarantee this isn't the only time he's attempted to gaslight you and blame you for his failings.

Just remember this, no matter how angry he may or may not have been with you, did your dc deserve to have daddy just disappear on them for no reason? No? Thought not.

Tough conversation time here I think.

[PS, the list of things BIL blames SIL for include (just a quick list off top of my head) So this isn't unusual territory for wanker men....

• his car accident (he wasn't in the car)
• him threatening to beat her (repeated)
• their DC not enjoying spending time with him
• destroying his relationship with, wait for it, HER family.

Sorry, SHE wasn't in the car!

That's shit. What sort of advice do you want? Is there more to this or is this just a one off? What's he like generally as a partner and father?

Honestly ?

He's a total waste of space. He's NOT a good partner OR father.

He's going to keep doing whatever HE likes, whenever HE wants, because YOU'LL continue to put up with it !

It's NOT your 'fault' he's a bellend ! That's ALL on HIM !

Even if you'd had a doozy of an arguement, a GOOD partner would either stay home to 'work it out', or say to you ''I need a little time to calm down, so I'll stay with my parents tonight, and I'll be back at 9am and we can talk then.''

A GOOD partner and father would NOT fuck off out partying for 2 DAYS FFS !

Show him the door, and get your self-respect BACK.

It feels like a constant battle

He left december but as he usually does he goes to his mothers for a day or two then comes home gives me the silent treatment til he's ready to talk to me 🤯

His mother has condoned his behaviour and said he would have had good reasons to go on a bender honestly!

I just dont know what i can do with the house can I legally kick him out/change the locks when its joint

I haven't eaten for 5 days I feel rock bottom

Ah typical gas lighting behaviour! You need to call him out on this now otherwise you will become a door mat and he will get away with this sh*t time and time again. If you can't leave or kick him out and sit down conversation is required and he needs to man up!

He's not capable of having a decent civil conversation I tried that saturday and got called nothing but a c*%t nice

Have a chat to a lawyer as a lot will depend on whether you're married or not.

But it's time to get rid of him

Yeah it's time to end this relationship. Your poor kids.

Find your voice and stand ur ground. Don’t tolerate this shit.

Ignore his mother; stupid woman.

Start to look at how you can give him the boot as he's obviously got no respect or consideration for you.

@PinaColada123456 it frustrates me seeing comments like yours over and over again. It’s not useful or constructive whatsoever - not like she can go back in time is it? Hindsight is 20/20… 🥴

Nothing like being kicked while your down..thanks for the input @PinaColada123456 🙌🏻

I wouldn't change the locks, but I'd leave a key in them or block the doors somehow.

Give yourself some breathing space.

I wasnt married but because it was a joint mortgage I was entitled to 50% of the house, as well as CM (which i dont claim) because of the kids.

My ex also did the going out on a bender and not coming home thing. I wouldn't tolerate it and im glad i left him.

I've got a solicitor ringjng me at 3 got what i need to ask written down..he clearly doesnt care what hes done or about the consequences

That sounds hideously awful. Please please please start thinking about how to live a happy life with your kids without this moron. Total disrespect, childish behaviour. Be strong, make little & often decisions to chip away at removing yourself from him. Talk with your friends & family. Be strong you CAN do this. He will not change!

@EmmaMarie18

I've got a solicitor ringjng me at 3 got what i need to ask written down..he clearly doesnt care what hes done or about the consequences

Brilliant, first step. 💪

You know even the fact he calls you a c**t ... absolutely disgusting behaviour and yes I've been there. Name after name. Day after day. Any excuse. It's abuse! All you need is yourself and your kids, have some faith, you'll have peace in the end, you'll get there. Believe that this is not meant for you for the REST OF YOUR LIFE! This relationship should not be a life sentence. You are worth peace, affection, kindness, and your kids are worth it all and more.

@EmmaMarie18

I've got a solicitor ringjng me at 3 got what i need to ask written down..he clearly doesnt care what hes done or about the consequences

Fantastic update.

At least then you will know where you stand and what you can do.

From here make a plan to end the relationship. You can do this.

Great update op.

Ignoring you is abusive. Going awol without telling you or your dc is selfish and disrespectful.

To be quite honest ... I'd have had the locks changed after the first night he didn't come home.