He didnt come home

[EmmaMarie18]

I'm slowly going out of my mind and don't know where to turn!
My other half went out Saturday and didn't come home for 2 nights apparently stayed with one of his friends, same clothes all weekend getting completely smashed!
He came home and blames me for his actions and puts it down to a disagreement we had on the friday! Ive had no apology he doesn't even seem remorseful!
He's wandering around the house like he's done nothing wrong 🤯
I don't know where to go from here..my anxiety is through the roof..we've got a mortgage and little ones too!
Any advice would be appreciated 😔 thank you

A total lack of correct information in the rant to go with it 🙈
I've had legal advice and even though we're not married the house is still 50/50 joint mortgage and he would have to contribute to our child too!
I cant apparently stop him from coming back to the address and if i changed the locks he'd be within his rights to break in 🤯
She did suggest mediation which I honestly laughed at because that isnt something he would do..god forbid if he had to take responsibility and see his faults

OP I'm so sorry this is happening. From the limited information we have, sadly I would think that the relationship is finished. He doesnt respect you, he calls you vile names, he blames & gaslights you.
Are you safe around him? If you have any concerns, please contact Womens Aid, in a way he wont know about.
Unfortunately he has as much right to be in the house as you, so unless he agrees to move out, you'll probably need to share the house until separation is complete.
Mediation is a good step, i hope he eventually agrees to it.
Good luck OP

@EmmaMarie18

A total lack of correct information in the rant to go with it 🙈 I've had legal advice and even though we're not married the house is still 50/50 joint mortgage and he would have to contribute to our child too! I cant apparently stop him from coming back to the address and if i changed the locks he'd be within his rights to break in 🤯 She did suggest mediation which I honestly laughed at because that isnt something he would do..god forbid if he had to take responsibility and see his faults

Could you leave him? Is there any way possible? Maybe you can get help for being single with a child, maybe rent somewhere for a while? He's awful to you. Like I said I've been there. It doesn't stop until something changes, so sorry he's being so horrible to you, it isn't good for your mental health when looking after a child either xx

Good first step. He is not your friend so don't trust him at all. Get all paperwork bills, bank statements etc. Do Not change locks as lawyer said. In law it is still his home you have no legal right to refuse him entry . Don't engage with him. Keep your cards close to your chest. He is a vile excuse for a partner and a father and you are worth so much more than this.

I just dont know what i can do with the house can I legally kick him out/change the locks

Well find out!!!

How don't have to put up with this crap. He's a shitbag and you and your kids are better off without him.

What did the solicitor say? That is your first step to freedom from this absolute wanker.

I lived the same life you are detailing in your post and he eventually left me (my child isnt his thankfully). I started counselling after he left and was told he sounded like a narcissist. You can't win against this people but keep your cards close to your chest as they people dont like not having the upper hand xxx

Do you have support in real life op?
He sounds horrible and just clearing off for 2 days is not what a decent man, partner or father does. Plus he called you that? He’s vile.
Perhaps have another argument then so this piece of crap buggers off to his mums for another couple of days.
Then pack his stuff and dump it in her front garden.
Don’t move out if your house, unless you really really have to!

I have a few friends around me but all my family are miles away we moved to our house for his total benefit gave up loads for him and my little girl did and this is how we're re-paid 🤷🏼‍♀️
Im constantly on egg shells wish i had a magic wand!!

Leave him. My ex was exactly like this. Cause a row on a Wednesday night or Thursday morning then wouldn't come home till Sunday.

I also moved for him and was left isolated and too embarrassed to talk to family and friends about what was happening.

Silent treatment for weeks on end. Literally not a word from him for however long it took me to apologise as it was never his fault. Sometimes just for weeks even if I had apologised.

Even the staying out was my fault because he's say I caused the row and I should deal with the consequences. Honestly it was laughable I put up with this looking back but there you go.

No good will come of you staying with this selfish prick. The uncertainty and the silent treatment will wear you down mentally which is awful. It's soul destroying and it's taken me nearly ten years to move past most of it.

@sophienelisse this sounds exactly like him 🙈🙈 to a T!
He told me when he came back monday him staying out was my fault and I should get used to it from now on he clearly thinks I will
It annoys me because he's so nice infront of other people everyone thinks hes lovely 🤮
I'm sat here on pins waiting fir him to get in from work..it's not living!
My solicitor recommended trying to discuss the options we have first but I know that will be impossible!
It's my birthday coming up too and he had sent me a text laughing that hes ruined my birthday and mothers day..vile

@EmmaMarie18 god your not in the northwest are you? That's something he would do ref the birthday and Mother's Day.

He ruined his first Father's Day, a few holidays where he said he wouldn't come and then changed his mind a few hours before we had to leave, a Mother's Day and once blanked me the whole of Christmas Eve till after new year. He cooked a full Christmas dinner in silence and we ate it in silence it was fucking bizarre that he still made the dinner.

Honestly just leave or get him to leave. He is telling you and showing you who he is and he's telling you he won't change.

How old is he out of interest?

None of this behaviour started until after we had gotten married and our child was born.

Do you have a job? Are how many kids abs are they in school?

In other words what’s the obstacles to packing a bag and going to your family?

Crikey typos sorry

He came home and blames me for his actions

Tells you all you need to know.

Get rid.

You will be so much better off without this weight hanging around

My two children are in school where we live..I work full time and the only child care I have/had is his mother 😔

@sophienelisse shit they could be brothers!!!!

I lost my Dad three years ago..I was waiting for him to coke home from work to have the children to go to the funeral directors! We ended up having words and he said "I'll support u as much as I can up until ur dads funeral but after that i will be leaving you" he apologised in my fathers wake when he was drunk 😔 I'll never forget that!!!!

Wee bit more complicated then. Think longer term…can you get a job back nearer your family? Presuming you would have support there.

@RJnomore1 my job is close to my family anyway..I have to travel close to where they all are for work which is a good thing ☺️

@RJnomore1 my Mother has always been my child care too before I moved with him its all
His mother now and she's just as vile

Dump him immediately and get on with you and your dcs lives. You don’t need this ball and chain keeping you down. I couldn’t bare the running away, wasting money on benders and coming in and out of your dc life.
Clearly his mother never disciplined him as a child, pathetic pair.
When he pisses off, get your head clear and get a plan sorted. Good luck!

Oh stuff that then can you just go to your mums?

@Longdistance the worst bit was his mother told his older boy that he had gone out on a bender and not come and he wasn't to tell anyone what her precious son had done 🤯 shocking!!!

@RJnomore1 my Mother would happily have me back there ☺️ im thinking I need to get this house valued this week and up on the market then go stay with my mam for a bit before I find somewhere for me and my kiddies

Just go. You’ve got the same rights as him re getting back in etc and you can sort the sale from there but honestly, why put yourself and your kids through any more of living with that? You deserve so much better.

You go @EmmaMarie18 you’ve got this!

Go back to your mums for a bit, get some EA valuations, will your dc need to change schools or can they stay put?