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Original poster

To forgive cheating partner?

37 replies

Alicebee95 · 22/03/2022 23:16

I’ll try to put this in a nutshell!
My partner and I recently broke up last month due to arguing a lot, but a week later we were talking and seeing each other again and fixing things.
2 weeks ago I received a message from a girl telling me I ‘should check my boyfriends messages with her from the 28th January until now’. Him and I split up on the 11th February, and as it turns out, he had initiated a conversation with her on Facebook and they had been sexting for 2 weeks before we broke up. He then had her round to his house twice after we broke up but before we were seeing each other again (which was only about a weeks length of time), and then had her over and slept with her while we were seeing each other and sleeping with each other again. This girl used to work with the two of us and was knowingly sexting him while he was with me. She seemed to have caught feelings for him and was trying to convince him to leave me for her (I’ve read all of their messages) and only spat her dummy out and told me about it when he had told her he was sorting things out with me.
My question is, would you forgive this? Yes, we had been arguing a lot when he decided to message her inappropriately but it’s no excuse. He then continued things with her and she also tried to call it off twice, but he begged her not to. After she messaged me, he blocked her on everything and deleted her number, and told me he wanted to be with me and how sorry he is and how much he hates him self - I do not feel sorry for him.
Like I’ve said I’ve tried to put this in a nutshell so I will answer any other questions! I just feel like I need advice from strangers right now instead of my friends and family.
Thank you x

OP posts:
BeHappy91818 · 22/03/2022 23:22

No I wouldn’t forgive him.

You had hardly broken up before he was sleeping with her. He’s a cheat.

Nopetryagain · 22/03/2022 23:25

Why would you tolerate any of this?

Onthedunes · 22/03/2022 23:28

No I wouldn't forget or forgive him.

He knew what an idiot he was sleeping with (her) for him to betray and subject you to this bunny boiles vitriol, it's inexcusable.

You obviously have more attributes than her for him to wish to remain, in future keep an eye out for her new boyfriend and maybe return the favour to her.

Both are a pair of shits, remove them from your life and replace with nice people.

Onthedunes · 22/03/2022 23:29

boiler's vitriol

Notimeforaname · 22/03/2022 23:43

No. I couldn't forgive. He played the both of you like fiddles.
Do not give him to opportunity to do it again.

Notimeforaname · 22/03/2022 23:44

the opportunity*

iwishu · 22/03/2022 23:49

When there is alot of arguments in a relationship, it's not working, he's also a cheat, you've got yourself in a toxic relationship, for your mental health you would be much better out of it, the sooner the better to free yourself from this situation. No I wouldn't forgive.

Mumof3confused · 22/03/2022 23:51

No

Eileen101 · 22/03/2022 23:53

No chance - you're worth more than being with a cheat. If you were advising your best friend in the same circumstances, what would you say to them?

SunflowerTed · 22/03/2022 23:53

Dump and move on. You will never trust him again. Been there and worn the t-shirt. Once a cheat always a cheat

RobertSmithsLipstick · 22/03/2022 23:55

How long have you been together, and do you have joint children?
Do you live together?
All of these things may have some bearing on whether you could try to move on, but I doubt it would work, anyway.

Lillygolightly · 23/03/2022 00:04

Worked out nicely for him that didn’t it. He was lining her up before you guys had even split up. Created so much arguing that you split up leaving him free to try to bed her. Got what he wanted with her and is then suddenly open and wanting to work things out with you, while keeping her on the back burner and still sleeping with her.

Classy guy….not!

I would take a good guess and say that he’s probably telling you that technically he’s hasn’t cheated on you either and probably giving you the biggest guilt trip for daring to split up with him in the first place. Let me guess he was hurt/is hurt.

Out of curiosity how close am I???

layladomino · 23/03/2022 10:25

No I wouldn't forgive him. He cheated. He sexted with another woman. He begged her not to leave when she threatened it. Aside from all of that you've been arguing a lot.

This isn't one to fight for.

gonnascreamsoon · 23/03/2022 13:32

HUGE red flags waving with THIS Prince ! Hmm

He lies.
He cheats.
He isn't sorry, he's only sorry he was caught THIS time.

The trust has gone.

Every single time you have a row, you'll be wondering whose bed he's in !

Tell him it's over for good, and ignore her totally. They're welcome to each other !

totallyoutnumbered · 23/03/2022 14:16

Nope. You deserve so much more than this OP. I remember when I was much younger and in a similar situation what a very good friend said to me. She said "there are people out there who don't cheat". Simple but very effective advice. Find one of those. They're out there and wasting any more of your precious time will only cause you further hurt x

SarahBellam · 23/03/2022 14:25

God no, throw him back and let her have your leftovers. You’re too good for such a low grade man.

Palmtreeizland44 · 23/03/2022 14:46

Only you know if you can trust, love and communicate again. If you will be thinking of her all the time and them at it you will never be able to put your love, trust and time Into him..why did he choose talking to her over resolving your issues?

The trouble with social media is exactly what you've wrote. People fail to see they are crossing a massive line by communicating with someone else. If they want to do that with someone else they are clearly not entertained by you. If he's gone this far once would he do it again. Ifcourse someone new and fresh to talk with can be refreshing. Because they haven't gad the day to day stresses of life together. They've not shared a bed and a home and seen eachother looking rough. They've not been on the end of that person's dramas or moods. They haven't experienced the reality.

Clearly he's seen the grass isn't greener and whoops I actually want to go back where I feel safe and secure. The excitement has gone and hopefully he experienced life without you and thought oh I actually love that woman. But..... can you accept he was so weak?

GalaxyStars · 23/03/2022 14:55

No way! Move on, life’s too short to waste it on people who don’t respect you. He will 100% do it again!

DaisyDeli · 23/03/2022 15:05

He is weak, pathetic liar.

I couldn't be with a man like that.

Bellyups · 23/03/2022 15:10

Nope. He’d be gone. Absolutely finished.

Drinkingallthewine · 23/03/2022 15:15

No.
Whatever about the whole On A Break debate, he was sexting her two weeks before that - while you and he were together so for me, that would be enough to bin him.

Divebar2021 · 23/03/2022 15:19

You haven’t said why you would want to? Why were you arguing before you split up and what’s different now? ( other than infidelity)

Bananarama21 · 23/03/2022 15:20

End it before kids are brought into this

girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 15:33

He broke up with you so he could sleep with her and say "we weren't together".

I wouldn't ever trust him again. What a nasty little rat.

IdblowJonSnow · 23/03/2022 15:37

No!
You can and should do better!