Would you think this was odd??

[Blushingm]

Been chatting all day every day to a guy via text and phone. We've met up for a weekend and then he was away with work for 2 months (I've seen the training certificate etc and he still chatted). We live about 3 1/2 hrs from each other but plan on meeting up regularly

Now about 2 1/2 months ago he went to his brothers for a week - said before he went he won't be able to text as much, he didn't but still a bit

He text this morning to say he's going to stay with a friend for a couple of days (work said he had to use up AL), and he won't be able to talk. I asked could he text and he said 'I'll try'

I'm naturally cynical, suspicious and rarely trust anyone. Am I right thinking this is weird or if someone is staying with a friend they've not seen for a good while they tend to put their phone away ?

As always "if they wanted to they would"

hes either married/has a gf or hes stringing you along.

you can do better than this relationship wise OP, unless you have an anxious avoidant type personality and then this is the type of relationship you will settle for.

"All day every day" texting/phoning is a lot. Too much for me. I find it very disruptive to whatever I am trying to do in real life.

Have you just had the one weekend face-to-face?

He’s married, and his wife is on annual leave as well so they’re spending the time together.

You've met him once and it sounds like, given the distance, this is intended to be casual? I would assume he's got other sexual partners and attempts to keep you all on the downlow from each other.

He can text when in bed, when waking up, when having breakfast, when in bathroom - without it affecting his time with his friends.

I don't understand why he couldn't text occasionally unless his friend lives in the middle of nowhere.

He works away would be my guess and the weeks where he's 'staying with a griffin' are the weeks he's back home.

I would say it’s a wife or girlfriend. There’s no reason he couldn’t text you if he was staying with a mate.

I don't know why he's staying with a griffin

He's definitely not married I know that as I've had to help with something for wooed recently for his security vetting

You're right he could just be stringing me along?

Just the one weekend - we both had said we'd like to do it again and will once his new job gives him his shift pattern. The 2 months was training and as his vetting hasn't been completed he's been told to take this week as AL

@Byeeefornow it crossed my mind it might be a girl?

He's text me a couple of times this morning and once in the afternoon but hasn't been online since

Last time was definitely with his brother as he sent me a photo

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation you could be right you know

It sounds even odder when I'm down as his emergency contact for work too

Difficult to say. There’s always a chance something untoward is going on but realistically talking all day everyday sounds exhausting - maybe because that’s what you expect he’s just making it clear that he can’t (probably could but doesn’t want to because he’s busy) so you don’t get upset or try to keep texting and make conversation. It sounds like you need a lot of reassurance all the time by having this constant contact via phone and that in itself may not be good in the long run. He’ll get fed up with it.

@SpringSummerAutumnSpring you could be right too, I do expect texts as that's what I've become used to and he could actually just be warning me he won't be doing that? And he will want to be doing stuff with his friend as apparently he hasn't seen them since covid

I've just been cheated on and strung along before - I don't like it and I assume everyone will do it

Someone you've met once has you as an emergency contact?
That's even more odd 🙄

[quote Blushingm]@EvenMoreFuriousVexation you could be right you know

It sounds even odder when I'm down as his emergency contact for work too[/quote]
That's really bizarre. Why wouldn't his brother be his emergency contact?

You're his emergency contact for work after meeting him once in real life? And you've been helping him his security vetting? After 1 meeting? I'd be more worried about him being some sort of Walter Mitty con man, then him seeing other women. Those things build a false sense of intimacy. Is he saying he's a spy or in the Special Forces by any chance?

OP, listen to the podcast Who The Hell is Hamish....sounds like him.

Been chatting all day every day to a guy via text and phone.

You can't possibly have been, unless you've both been skiving off work.

No he's not in special forces!!!

The situation feels odd or he's odd or both

This has got red flags all over it. Not normal behaviour from a guy not ina relationship with some1 else.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron all day every day may have been a slight exaggeration but it's minimum 25 messages a day and if not working a few hours chatting

When I visit certain older relatives I don't check my phone. That can mean hours go by and I won't have replied to any messages, as a visit can be having a chat over a drink for an hour, having lunch, more chat, look at the garden, etc. Could it be something like this?

OP, have you googled him? Looked him up on social media?

The fact that he’s (allegedly) got you down as his emergency contact for work and you’re helping him with security stuff for work is dodgy as. As PP said this is the kind of thing which builds false intimacy.

If it wasn’t for the fact you’ve actually met him my bet would be on him being a romance scammer.

PS: I said allegedly because you only have his word to go on there.