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Relationships

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Original poster

We hooked up, now what?

29 replies

whatisthislife22 · 20/03/2022 01:08

Hello,

I've worked with this guy for the past few months and I thought he was really hot when I first saw him after he started working at my place. We started following each other on Instagram then in January we started direct messaging after liking each others stories and having a lot in common. Things really ramped up and we talked a lot and then our chat turned very flirty and it's been like that ever since. We started chatting on snapchat every day and agreed we would hook up for sex. I was happy with that plan. We chatted about how we hoped to make it a regular thing. We also talked about non-sex related topics too.

We eventually hooked up this week however we both seemed to have our guards up a bit and although the sex was fun he came quite quickly, we both knew he would because he was super horny. Anyways, afterwards we agreed it was worth the wait but things just turned a bit cold. I felt that I didn't say much because I was keeping my guard up and I got the same impression from him. I left not long after and he messaged me pretty much straight away to ask if I had a good time. We both agreed that we had no regrets and it was fun although he laughed about his poor performance (coming too quickly) which I reassured him it was far from poor.

He has since messaged me purely through Instagram just random links to prompt a few conversations but it's not like it was before we hooked up. It's been non-flirty and we haven't, or shall I say, he hasn't brought up the sex we had since we messaged after it had happened. It's been 3 days now and I want to message him about it and how I felt that I had my guard up but I don't know if I'm coming across as needy? Any advice would be great, thanks! Like I said we have chatted every day since just not about the hookup.

OP posts:

Hawkins001 · 20/03/2022 01:14

I'd say I understand your frustrations in wanting to rush the chat, but on the flip side why not just take a chance and rather than wait, instead take the initiative so to speak ?

Crimeismymiddlename · 20/03/2022 07:52

I think now you have had sex he has mentally moved on. It happens, the excitement before will always die down. If I was you I would not expect it to happen again or that you will be pals or in a
relationship after this.
Also, it’s never a good idea to sleep with someone you work with. No matter how discreet you think you are every knows and it can cause problems down the line.

Hiddenvoice · 20/03/2022 08:10

Sounds really similar to a guy I was talking to!
We agreed all the same things and the exact same thing happened with us. It was all quick, fun but quick. I felt I had my guard up too.
Although the messaged a few times that week, it was me who initiated the conversation.
I made it fun and flirty and just explained that next time I’d be more relaxed etc
One whole week later he messaged me to say he couldn’t do it anymore as his partner had seen his messages to me (the non flirty ones as he had deleted those)
I had his number, his social media etc but he had hidden all the posts that included his partner! My messages through Instagram were going into his request section so he would check it regularly without the worrh of my name popping up!

Suprima · 20/03/2022 08:20

The chase is over, the novelty has worn off, I’m afraid. Sorry for my harshness- but I’ve been there He’s not your boyfriend- you don’t really need a deep chat about how you ‘had your guard up’.

If you want this to go further, see if he reaches out. I’d imagine he’ll be texting ‘you up?’ or ‘where are you?’ if he sees on social media that you are both out on a Saturday night and he wants a sure thing.

Oysterbabe · 20/03/2022 08:21

What do you want out of this? Are you looking for a fuck buddy type set up?

Original poster

whatisthislife22 · 20/03/2022 08:24

Well he has reached out just in a non-flirty way. He has initiated each time and we have spoken every day since. We saw each other at work the day after and it was fine, just like it usually is.

I guess I like the idea of a hookup situation with him.

OP posts:

baileys6904 · 20/03/2022 08:28

It's been 3 days!!!! If he'd gone straight back into shag talking it'd look like he was just after one thing and it also sounds like he's embarrassed! He's still making an effort and keeping in contact. I think your over thinking a bit. Of course you will get the normal doom sayers on here that will try and destroy any positives due to his gender and the fact you had sex before you were married at least 72 years, but no one here knows him, or his character, only you do, they can only guess based on their experiences or bias. To me though, I think you like him more than you're letting on and have that post first time panic. The fact he's making effort and conversation says to me he's interested

Gowithme · 20/03/2022 08:53

Why don't you just be upfront with him, I'm not sure why you had your guard up though if all you were looking for was sex? Tell him you had a good evening, you're not looking for a relationship (if that's the case) but like the idea of a FWB situation as you get on so well, if he's up for it. I can't imagine any bloke not liking that suggestion - he's probably more concerned you won't want a repeat as he was so quick.

Anon778833 · 20/03/2022 09:00

Are you sure you only want sex from this? The amount of mental head space you’re giving it would suggest otherwise.

If you want to have a relationship with someone, never agree to hook ups in the beginning. Ime.

Anon778833 · 20/03/2022 09:02

If he’s still talking to you in a non flirty way then that suggests that he’s interested in you as a person. Don’t mention hook ups any more and see if you can get to know him.

Monty27 · 20/03/2022 09:05

It's the chase. They won you over now it's your turn. I wouldn't bother with someone so shallow.
But that's me.

Palmfrond · 20/03/2022 12:13

Possibly he’s embarrassed about his performance?
Perhaps arrange another date, but one that is not focused on sex. Like dinner for instance?
And as said previously, it’s hard to quite understand your motivation here. If you just wanted a hook up, what’s the problem? If you wanted more, perhaps the old fashioned approach of holding off on sex might serve you better?

booplefloof · 20/03/2022 13:25

Just ask him if he wants to do it again?

Original poster

whatisthislife22 · 22/03/2022 05:31

Ok, so it's definitely cooled right off, we have spoken each day but only a few exchanges on random things. Normally when he's at work and I'm off, which I was yesterday, he would text me loads but he only messaged me through work, about work.

I'm the type of person that needs closure so I want to message him about it even if it'll just confirm what I'm already thinking?

OP posts:

WanderingLost167 · 22/03/2022 05:41

Just say, really had fun the other night, when you free to do it again?

Take control

Suprima · 22/03/2022 08:09

@WanderingLost167

Just say, really had fun the other night, when you free to do it again?

Take control

Chase a man who clearly isn’t bothered in you and announce you want seconds

‘Control’

MCLQC · 22/03/2022 08:18

To be honest I think he has given you closure without saying it. This is going nowhere now he has had what he wanted. Put it down to experience and move on.

Opentooffers · 22/03/2022 16:39

You seem a bit mixed up about what you want. You say you just want sex, but you're analysing his behaviour like someone who wants a relationship. The thing about hookups is they can be one-offs just as easy as repeat cycles. If you're so keen for a repeat, are you sure you don't want more out of it? If you did want more, you've gone the wrong way about it and should try at least a couple of dates before sex.
Weather hookup or the start of something, the first time can be more awkward. You could try being flirty with him first - do you always wait for him to flirt? See if he takes you on, then you can ask for a redo if he flirts back. If that's what you want, but if you catch feels, expect disappointment.

supercali77 · 22/03/2022 16:47

Yeah I wouldn't message, you dont need his permission for closure. He knows how to pursue, he managed it before, men will risk rejection if they want a woman.

Coffeencrochet · 22/03/2022 16:48

He's either 1. Embarrassed by his performance or 2. Has gotten what he wanted out of his system and the need to be constantly flirting with you is gone. I wouldn't mention hookups or relationships if he continues to just talk about work - if he wants to go again, he would definitely let you know.

Joystir59 · 22/03/2022 16:48

He just wanted a shag. Stop making it more in your head. Move on.

Joystir59 · 22/03/2022 16:50

You need closure on what open ends? There aren't any. If you wanted more than sex you should have been clear with yourself and with him.

Talkingmouse · 22/03/2022 17:35

He’s clearly embarrassed about his poor performance.

If you just want a fuck buddy as you say find someone else. NOT a work colleague.

If you want more…be honest with yourself and talk to him

Watchkeys · 22/03/2022 18:01

If you just want sex from him, but you can't tell him, it's a no go.

If you want a relationship with him, but are having to ask strangers on the internet how to proceed, it's a no go.

When it's a 'go', you're too busy having a great time to be posting relationship problems on forums, especially when it's not even a relationship yet.

Sex turned you off each other. That's it.

Persephoneandlife · 22/03/2022 18:51

Are you quite young? because try not to take this the wrong way but you are being a bit naive.

The guy only saw you as a hook up from the start. He is not suddenly going to turn into anything else.

It also sounds like now that he got what he wanted, he is not interested in doing it again. Either because he is embarrassed by his performance or just did not feel like he enjoyed it that much.

He has clearly moved your conversations back to work issues and polite exchanges.

Take this a learning opportunity and move on: having casual sex with someone you work with is often not a good idea and most men once they have put you in the 'hook-up category' won't want to have a real relationship with you.

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