Snide remarks

[User020367]

So after a hard week at work and work this morning I was relaxing tonight with a glass of Prosecco. Husband is sat beside me and grabs the skin under my chin and basically tells me I need to lose weight!!!!! Not that I need to justify myself but I’m 5ft 6 and weigh 10 stone and don’t feel fat at all and even if I did it’s nobody’s business but mine!!!! Now he has at least a double chin and a spare tyre round his middle ! but I never say anything as it’s plain cruel and I just think it’s no ones business how much someone weighs!!!!!! Just last week he told me I need to be exercising at least 3 x a week !!! I’m an avid runner but at the mo I can’t fit it in with work and the kids as he’s never around to help!!! And these days I exercise when I want rather than it being imposed on me !!! Baring in mind 3 years ago I weighed 7.5 stone and was running non stop!! I’m doing my best to find balance

At 7.5 stone you were underweight. He liked you unhealthily thin. He doesn't care about you health, feelings, time... anything else?

And yes its hard to leave if you're in another country. Seek legal advice. But do make plans to leave. He's awful.

And stop me-railing @greasyshoes it's tiresome.

I have enquired about leaving but was told it would be very difficult un my position. I can only work certain hours due to the children so I’m not on a huge salary, council housing is out of the question as there’s a 2 year waiting list. In order to rent privately I would need 3,000 euros which I just don’t have.
He has not been paying rent so we have massive rent arrears same with electric and the list goes on

Are you on the waiting list? Because two years is better than never.

Repeating myself here @greasyshoes but just in case it opens your eyes to how skewed your perception of relationships is...

Typical couples in vaguely healthy relationship wouldn't, even in a row, grab the skin under the other's neck and tell them they need to lose weight.

That's what OP's partner did and that's what people have said is abusive, which you have disagreed with.

Im not sure if you've not been in a relationship or have just been in very unhealthy ones but I'm shocked you think that would be typical, even during an argument.

Are you in your home country or are you originally from the UK?
Why isn't he paying the rent?
Tell him you don't have time to exercise because you're running a home, raising children and earning money while he acts like a single man.

I’m originally from the Uk. He has accumulated lots of debt as he continued with his failing business. He is now working for a company on a good salary but he’s incur at least 13,000 euros of debt and 1 court case that was filed against his company. He ignores all mail, won’t get his recorded delivery letters, didn’t turn up for the 1st hearing hasn’t hired a lawyer et etc. I’m at my wits end with all this! And to top it all off he won’t discuss anything!!

What country are you in?

Sorry you are going through this. You sound a lovely weight and if anything you must have been very underweight at that other weight. I would have grabbed his belly and said well what are you going to do about this then. I dated someone before and I thought I looked good and was confident and happy in myself and he kept making little digs and comments and I know it was to put me down and to erode my bubbly personality and confidence. I talked to my sister about it and she said he is an arsehole and tell him to feck off. I dumped him soon after as regardless if someone puts on weight or their body etc changes someone should not be so mean spirited and grabbing your chin like that is just so rude and disrespecttful. He did his best to try to win me back but realized he was just an idiot with low self esteem and lots of issues and he just wanted to put me down so he felt better in himself. He was nothing much to look at. I have learned boundaries but also am staying single as just happier and have more peace of mind. He needs to give you some free time and to help you out also. You have to talk to him and get him to start pulling his weight around the house. Bet you look lovely and he is just jealous and also of your business. Tell him if he ever disrespects you again with snidy comments it is over. Boundaries.

I think you should also be trying to put a little bit of money aside after reading your update so if you need to leave you have a little something for you and the children. Try to get a little plan in place. Can you see this working long term or has it gone beyond that. You sound like a strong capable woman and try and see what options you have if you need to leave. He sounds like he will bring you down even more with his debt and unwilling to talk and acting as if all is ok. Sorry you are going through this but there is always other options but take one step at a time and do not let him know anything if you plan to leave. Be careful in case he sees this on your phone or laptop. Keep posting for advise and support as know how difficult if in a different country with no supports. Have you got trusted friend you can talk to also?

My partner once made a comment about my stomach. I laughed and said 'I like the way you're sat there like your Vin Diesel'. He looked genuinely shocked and shut up, it's like he hadn't noticed his ever increasing belly.

Yes I have a few good friends who Incan count on. It’s such a scary thought being on my own for all sorts of reasons but I know I don’t want to continue like this forever either.

Also thanks to everyone who has replied I really appreciate it

@greasyshoes

The typical couple having a blazing row will say things to each other that are a hundred times worse than this.

I'm not sure that that is true. DH and I do not say rude and hurtful things to each other. We just don't. Maybe we say something g hurtful but then we apologise.

I'd encourage you to have a think about what standards you are normalising.

Totally agree. When you love someone you don’t say hurtful things and IF on the off chance you do you apologise!!! It’s that simple it’s about LOVE and RESPECT