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Original poster

Do all women need female friends ?

33 replies

Sparklysunshine · 18/03/2022 23:52

Just that really ! It seems I’m enough for my husband but I crave female friendship and actually I think that’s quite normal ! He would take it so personally but honestly I can’t see that just your husband is enough for most women friendship wise ! I have sisters and a mother in law but somehow it doesn’t feel the same as if I had an actual close friend , so is this the norm or is your husband really your best friend and actually that’s enough to be happy with??? Just wondering really , I live a boring normal life so no underlying drama here lol

OP posts:
Thoosa · 18/03/2022 23:55

He doesn’t want you to have female friends? That’s a bit worrying TBH.

Three of my four closest female friends made a dash for Europe/Overseas after the Brexit vote. Obviously we visit and keep in touch but it was a horrible loss in my late 30s.

PurpleDaisies · 18/03/2022 23:55

So I’ve got this right, your husband doesn’t want you having female friends? That seems like a red flag to me.

GoodnessTruthBeauty · 18/03/2022 23:57

I would say yes, my husband is my best friend but I also love to have friends and have a handful of really close female friends as well as lots of acquaintances. My husband isn't jealous or hurt though. That seems so strange. He has a couple of very close old friends too. I don't resent them either. I think it's healthy and normal to have friends and unrealistic and not very healthy to expect just one person to fulfill all your emotional needs all the time.

Whatinthelord · 18/03/2022 23:58

I like having female friends and no, for me, a husband isn’t the same as a friend.

Do you mean your husband doesn’t have or want friends?

SpikeySmooth · 19/03/2022 00:06

I am really bad at making, and keeping friends. I prefer my iwn company a lot of the time, I'm a very lazy friend who csn't be bothered to keep these relationships going. I have a husband, and he wants to spend every day off sith me, shich is exhausting and he gets offended if I try and encourage him out without me. He has friends but he also finds it an effort. So in answer to your question, no,I don't, but I'm an introvert and a recluse.

LittleMissMoggy · 19/03/2022 00:06

It's very normal to have a variety of friends and acquaintances. I'm married but still spend time alone with others. I agree, him being upset is a big red flag.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 19/03/2022 00:07

You are most definitely normal! How old are you and him, just wondering how long the ‘no friends’ vine has been going on? The vast majority of people need friendship groups to provide a variety of interactions, humans are in general social animals. Perhaps something has happened to your DH to make him want to live a more solitary life but he shouldn’t stop you from exploring and developing your own social circle, he should be encouraging it if he cares about your well-being.

Original poster
Sparklysunshine · 19/03/2022 00:07

Well my husband is in a job where he literally works alone so doesn’t make any friends , he seems to be happy with just me so doesn’t understand that I want / need more than he does . He’s happy when he’s home from work just milling around , he’s not a big talker and I guess friends outside of the marriage isn’t a big thing for him . I was just wondering if most women just need more than most men (generalising massively here I know !!)

OP posts:
KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 19/03/2022 00:07

*vibe not vine!

Kite22 · 19/03/2022 00:09

In answer to your thread title, I was going to say that I don't think we can ever say " All women ", as obviously that is billions of people, and, no, we are not all the same.

I do think that the majority of people like having friends, yes.

However your opening post seems to be suggesting that your dh doesn't want you to have friends. That is a very different statement. That is about control and isolation. That is concerning.

If you want to see friends, then you should see / spend time with friends.

VeganFuture · 19/03/2022 00:15

My partner is my best friend and he’d say I am his too. He’s the only person I would trust with everything so I would be ok if I didn’t have other friends. We both do have other friends though.

The important thing here is that you want other friends and he needs to accept that. It doesn’t really matter what is normal, you have to be happy and having friends is perfectly reasonable and normal.

CharSiu · 19/03/2022 00:29

Adore DH but need some women friends, had a massive laugh with my friend about the menopause today. I had quite a crap one and it was a had to laugh otherwise you may cry about it scenario. I also have a few male friends.

The issue is him wanting you all to himself, my DH is very happy in his own company but he encourages my friendships.

Nicoise · 19/03/2022 00:45

You have a very unhealthy relationship. It would be one thing if you didn't want any outside friends, but it sounds like you do, which is perfectly normal, most people have friends. The fact your husband doesn't want you to have anyone but him in your life is a huge red flag. He sounds insecure and controlling.

Kite22 · 19/03/2022 00:47

I was just wondering if most women just need more than most men (generalising massively here I know !!)

I'm not convinced it is a man / woman thing. Most people I know well have friends, whether they are men or women.
I have also met occasional people who don't seem to want to do anything or go anywhere or be with people other than their spouse, and they too have been both men and women but in tiny fractions of the number of people who have friends. Of course my anecdotal data is gathered from people I meet, who are out mixing with people ! So it is feasible there are more people out there than I am ever aware of that don't like to spend time with other people.

EBearhug · 19/03/2022 01:03

I don't think anyone can have all their emotional needs met by one other person, and I don't think it's healthy to be do reliant on just one person.

Dillidalli · 19/03/2022 01:04

My DP is my best friend but I also have my (female) best friends and I wouldn’t, couldn’t be without them. We group chat every day and are always there for each other through bad and good times. Don’t make the mistake of drifting from your friends op, they are important. If your DP kicks up a fuss about you having them, you need to tell him it’s not negotiable.

Kite22 · 19/03/2022 01:09

Thinking a bit more about this - when people don't have other friends, what happens if either the relationship breaks up, or one of you dies, or one of you is incapacitated in hospital for example ? Where would you get your emotional support ?

I can't begin to imagine life without my different 'communities' of friends.

Musttryharder2021 · 19/03/2022 05:21

@Kite22

Thinking a bit more about this - when people don't have other friends, what happens if either the relationship breaks up, or one of you dies, or one of you is incapacitated in hospital for example ? Where would you get your emotional support ?

I can't begin to imagine life without my different 'communities' of friends.

They start crawling back to their 'friends' they abandoned years ago or worse still get into another relationship quickly to avoid loneliness
Shoxfordian · 19/03/2022 06:26

Of course you need friends as well; it’s really unhealthy to expect all your emotional support to come from one person or expect one person to be everything. I’m not friends with my husband though; he’s my husband, totally different in my head.

Thoosa · 19/03/2022 13:51

Are you okay @Sparklysunshine ?

The reference to your OH maybe “taking it personally” if you had friends worried posters, I think.

SunflowerTed · 19/03/2022 19:58

Both myself and husband are happy and love being together - we also like being apart and spending time with friends. Normal and we always have lots to talk about

Fuzzyhippo · 20/03/2022 01:55

I've never had any female friends, only ever been friends with the people I've been in relationships with. I only ever seem to get into drama with other girls

ZealAndArdour · 20/03/2022 02:25

My partner is probably my best friend, but I absolutely need female friendship. I’m a woman’s woman and always have been. My female friends were there before he came along, and they’ll still be there if he ever leaves. I will never be one of those people who has a long term relationship come to an end only to find they’ve nobody left to see socially.

Time spent with friends belly laughing and putting the world to rights is life affirming and totally fortifies me ready to face the world again. I have male friends in my group too, I love and appreciate them too but it doesn’t feel the same as the female friends that just get you and know you inside out.

MrsPsmalls · 20/03/2022 02:55

My female friends are very much the cherry on top of a well iced cake. Nice to have but an added extra. I would much much sooner lose my friends than dh or other family members. I hope my friends feel the same about me.

workwoes123 · 20/03/2022 07:57

I love DH and we work well together, but I wouldn’t describe him as my best friend. If he was, who would I speak to when we have problems? My marriage is clearly the most important relationship (legally, financially, giving our children a good life) so I need someone to speak to when that goes off kilter. And that person qualifies as my best friend. My female friends are really, really important to me.

For me, a marriage is different to a friendship: they serve different purposes, bring different elements to my life. I have very different expectations of DH than I do of a friend.

For various reasons DH doesn’t have many close friends atm and I have lots. I’m finding it a bit suffocating, he’s looking to me to be a good wife and his best friend: it feels like a lot of pressure to have to meet all those different emotional needs.