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Original poster

I'm being sent to Estonia

39 replies

RollofDice · 18/03/2022 18:22

Hi, sorry...not sure if I'm posting in the right place here.

But my ex, father of little girl, is in the army and is meant to see DD EOW....however at the beginning of march he told me he is being sent to Estonia to help out on the border and he wanted to call daughter that night .....he never called her and he hasent gone to Estonia....

He has always lied throughout our relationship some big some small but always lies. It's his weekend this weekend and normally he would have contacted me by now to arrange pickup time, but nothing... although he has been constantly online on WhatsApp! I haven't contacted him, why should I? As far as he's concerned I think he's in Estonia.

Why would he be doing this to our Daughter, choosing not to have her. I feel so sorry for her, she's 5 and asking when she's gonna go her daddy's and I just tell her he's busy working.....I don't want her thinking he doesn't love her and doesn't want to see her.....

OP posts:
Blimecory · 18/03/2022 18:28

That sounds pretty shit of him. Border with which country? It doesn’t have a border with Ukraine, but it does with Russia.

Original poster
RollofDice · 18/03/2022 18:32

I'm not sure, all he said was he's being deployed there the following day, but he was playing football instead half hour away from my house....

OP posts:
Clymene · 18/03/2022 18:38

Well he's a lying shit. He lied to you because he knows that to tell you that he can't be arsed to spend time with his daughter means he has to admit to you what a shit dad he is.

I would just tell your DD that daddy can't come this weekend and that hopefully he will be able to come soon. And do make sure you've gone through the CMS to get the maintenance she's entitled to

LouOver · 18/03/2022 18:43

I honestly wouldn't be able to stop myself from calling him out so I applaud yourself self control.

DamnUserName21 · 18/03/2022 18:48

In your shoes, I would not chase him for contact or try to encourage a relationship. I would absolutely go no contact as he will just keep disappointing her and causing for problems for you.
Better no parent than an in and out one.
Just keep telling DD that he is busy--eventually she will lose interest and forget him.

newbiename · 18/03/2022 18:48

@LouOver

I honestly wouldn't be able to stop myself from calling him out so I applaud yourself self control.
Same I wouldn't want him to think his lies had fooled me. Idiot (him)
Original poster
RollofDice · 18/03/2022 18:55

Thank you all for your advice....I'm definitely not contacting him....I just cant believe how stupid he must think I am Hmm

I get child Maintenance, im on the deduction of earnings cause he wouldn't pay it himself....

OP posts:
GettingItOutThere · 18/03/2022 18:55

@DamnUserName21

In your shoes, I would not chase him for contact or try to encourage a relationship. I would absolutely go no contact as he will just keep disappointing her and causing for problems for you. Better no parent than an in and out one. Just keep telling DD that he is busy--eventually she will lose interest and forget him.
this. be kind to her, she will need it . he is a shit
elbea · 18/03/2022 18:56

Is he a solider? It’s pretty likely to expect that he would be deploying to Estonia about now. Deployment notices aren’t always you are going that night, often you get a few days or weeks.

Original poster
RollofDice · 18/03/2022 19:05

Yeah he's a medic, he told me he was going on the Saturday that weekend

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 18/03/2022 19:17

There are British troops in Estonia so maybe he's telling the truth. Are you in touch with any of the partners of his army mates?

toastfiend · 18/03/2022 19:22

It might have been delayed or pushed back for some reason - I never fail to be surprised by the lack of certainty, delays and random fucking about that seems to happen - but that still isn't an excuse because a decent person that had been delayed would have contacted you so he could see his daughter. It's also obviously not an isolating before they go thing if he's off playing football etc.

I'm sorry you and your DD have to put up with this shit. I wouldn't pursue a relationship with him for your DD, though, it sounds like he's just going to let her down and she doesn't deserve that and he doesn't deserve to be in her life if he's not going to prioritise her.

Coyoacan · 18/03/2022 19:27

Without bad-mouthing her father to her or implying that he does not love, you do have to find a way of lowering your dd's expectations of her father.

I had an ex like yous. I found that I was getting excited when my dd was going to see her dad and communicating that excitement to her, so stopped doing that, to start with. By the time my dd was 8, she was more realistic about her father than I was.

Crikeyalmighty · 18/03/2022 19:27

How do you know that’s not the case?? Or he went a few days after?

Clymene · 18/03/2022 19:48

@Crikeyalmighty

How do you know that’s not the case?? Or he went a few days after?
Because he was playing football when he told her he'd been deployed?

It doesn't really matter if he's going or not. He's a crap dad.

Original poster
RollofDice · 18/03/2022 19:55

Yeah he's been on the score sheet for the past few matches...

If it did get pushed back he hasent told me, or called DD at all....he should have picked up tonight it's his weekend with her but nothing.

I'm not surprised by his lies....he lied about having other kids Confused

I never tell my daughter that he's coming.... cause I know he could change his mind last minute...so I don't build her hopes up ..it's just heartbreaking she asks for him and has no idea what a complete idiot he is...I never bad mouth him to her or in earshot of her.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 18/03/2022 19:58

He sounds like an absolute twat not only for being so flaky but for lying about it - at least be honest and give yourself a tiny bit of respect.

I’m glad you’ve not contacted him. I wouldn’t waste my energy.

Jellybean23 · 18/03/2022 20:06

You ought to contact his commanding officer and express your concern that your ex had arranged to call daughter from Estonia but didn't. Is he alright? Wink

Original poster
RollofDice · 18/03/2022 20:13

@Jellybean23 that is such a good idea!

OP posts:
VioletLemon · 18/03/2022 20:13

Distance yourself and DD.

Theunamedcat · 18/03/2022 20:17

Mine went to Devon and drove back weekly to see his precious children for a couple of hours because he needed to "get back to Devon" it's 300+ miles away reality he was living around the corner from where I worked hence why he was so keen to drop them off at my place of work 🙄

Kapsauss · 18/03/2022 20:56

I'm from Estonia and no British troops have been deployed here to protect the border. We have NATO doing their bit and our own military on guard for it.

AxolotlEars · 18/03/2022 20:57

I couldn't let him get away with that....if I lived close by I would turn up at a football match!

toastfiend · 18/03/2022 21:00

[quote RollofDice]@Jellybean23 that is such a good idea![/quote]
You're probably better contacting the Welfare Officer rather than his CO.

toastfiend · 18/03/2022 21:01

@Kapsauss

I'm from Estonia and no British troops have been deployed here to protect the border. We have NATO doing their bit and our own military on guard for it.
British troops form part of NATO forces and have a longstanding presence in Estonia as part of this.
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