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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm being sent to Estonia

39 replies

RollofDice · 18/03/2022 18:22

Hi, sorry...not sure if I'm posting in the right place here.

But my ex, father of little girl, is in the army and is meant to see DD EOW....however at the beginning of march he told me he is being sent to Estonia to help out on the border and he wanted to call daughter that night .....he never called her and he hasent gone to Estonia....

He has always lied throughout our relationship some big some small but always lies. It's his weekend this weekend and normally he would have contacted me by now to arrange pickup time, but nothing... although he has been constantly online on WhatsApp! I haven't contacted him, why should I? As far as he's concerned I think he's in Estonia.

Why would he be doing this to our Daughter, choosing not to have her. I feel so sorry for her, she's 5 and asking when she's gonna go her daddy's and I just tell her he's busy working.....I don't want her thinking he doesn't love her and doesn't want to see her.....

OP posts:

Kapsauss · 18/03/2022 21:09

You think I don't know that?
I do.
Secondly - you also think that I don't know who guards our borders? I do. And FYI - it isn't NATO sitting there day and night. Especially last minute deployment- lmao. We don't have an actual invasion ongoing right this moment, so...
And on top of everything- 97% of Estonia is covered with Internet connection/some sort of mobile signal. And that 3% isn't a black hole, signal in these places have been marked as "poor", so there is signal, but not very good quality. Therefore no reason at all to not to be in touch.

toastfiend · 18/03/2022 21:11

@Kapsauss

You think I don't know that? I do. Secondly - you also think that I don't know who guards our borders? I do. And FYI - it isn't NATO sitting there day and night. Especially last minute deployment- lmao. We don't have an actual invasion ongoing right this moment, so... And on top of everything- 97% of Estonia is covered with Internet connection/some sort of mobile signal. And that 3% isn't a black hole, signal in these places have been marked as "poor", so there is signal, but not very good quality. Therefore no reason at all to not to be in touch.

You categorically stated that there were no British troops in Estonia, just NATO. I was simply pointing out that that meant there were indeed British troops out there.

I'm not interested in an argument, your post was just misleading.

Original poster

RollofDice · 18/03/2022 21:13

Thank you for that @kapsauss...I've heard of NATO but he never mentioned that. All he told me was he was 'Going to Estonia '

OP posts:

WalkingOnSonshine · 18/03/2022 21:16

I have a friend who’s in the Army and was deployed to Estonia last week.

TwoStepsAhead34 · 18/03/2022 21:27

I didn't say there aren't any British troops here, I said no British troops have been deployed here to protect the border. How is it misleading? Basic reading comprehension. 😮‍💨

TwoStepsAhead34 · 18/03/2022 21:31

@RollofDice very strange. There's nothing wrong with communication channels in Estonia right now. Everything is as it should be. I'm in touch with everyone in my overseas family daily.

toastfiend · 18/03/2022 21:31

@RollofDice

Thank you for that *@kapsauss*...I've heard of NATO but he never mentioned that. All he told me was he was 'Going to Estonia '

The UK is the leading country of the NATO battlegroup in Estonia, so it's entirely possible he is going out there.

It's also entirely possible that he's a twat. The two aren't mutually exclusive. Either way, it doesn't sound like he's being honest with you about something, whether it's the date he leaves or the fact that he's leaving at all.

Original poster

RollofDice · 18/03/2022 21:42

I couldn't give a shit if he's going or not to be honest.....I just wish he would give a dam about our daughter .. whether he's there (highly doubtful) or not either way a quick text or phonecall to ask about our daughter.....he hasent seen or asked about her in nearly 3 weeks......I know some children don't have any contact at all and it looks as though he's going the same way.....as I said before he has 2 other children that he kept hidden from me for 8 years and he has never had anything to do with them.

OP posts:

Ellie56 · 18/03/2022 21:48

He sounds a spectacularly shit father OP. Three children and he can't be bothered with any of them?

toastfiend · 18/03/2022 21:48

@RollofDice

That's fair enough, as I say, I don't think it's in dispute that the man is very clearly a complete twat.

Have you had any contact with his Welfare Officer before? If they're any good they might be able to "encourage" him towards being more responsible. It's difficult, though, some men are just absolute sacks of shit and I'm sorry you and your daughter are having to deal with one.

Thewindwhispers · 18/03/2022 21:53

@DamnUserName21

In your shoes, I would not chase him for contact or try to encourage a relationship. I would absolutely go no contact as he will just keep disappointing her and causing for problems for you. Better no parent than an in and out one. Just keep telling DD that he is busy--eventually she will lose interest and forget him.

I think this is terrible advice! Children don’t just lose interest and forget their parents. Telling transparent lies will just make her blame her mum.

Honestly I’d tell her that he changed his mind and went to play football and fibbed about it and that you’re not sure why, sometimes he makes strange decisions.

And I might well contact his commanding officer to let him know that the soldier is spreading fake rumours about the British Army being deployed in Estonia. They frown on that kind of thing.

Jengnr · 19/03/2022 08:25

Sounds like a lucky escape for your daughter. Keep the screenshots of what he’s said plus those of the teamsheet.

Tell her her father is where he said he is and eventually she’ll stop asking.

I’ve seen the damage these fuckers do, she’s better off with him gone than in and out of her life all the time.

DamnUserName21 · 19/03/2022 09:27

I think this is terrible advice! Children don’t just lose interest and forget their parents. Telling transparent lies will just make her blame her mum.

The child is 5. Her so-called father will become a distant memory with no contact. And, as for 'transparent lies' it's a lot kinder than the truth--- that dad is a lying bastard who'd rather play football.

cttd1 · 19/03/2022 09:38

Where is he based? My partners in the army and they are going to Estonia but not for another week or so, they go on a regular basis for exercise purposes only

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