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Relationships

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Original poster

How did you know you were with "the one?"

39 replies

Teadrinker11 · 17/03/2022 19:53

I'm 26 and never had a romantic relationship and have extremely little dating experience. I know that's pathetic. Once upon a time I didn't really care but I'm more conscious of it how and how much I would like that set up, meet my soulmate, get married, children, house and a dog, etc. I fear I'm at too late a stage in life now to meet the one. A lot of people my age now are in long term relationships and happy. I fear if I ever meet someone I'll be too desperate that I won't stop to consider do I really feel passionate enough about them that I'm willing to commit the rest of my life to them. If you have met your soulmate, when did you know they were the one? How did you know? What were the signs? When there's fish in the water how did you know this one person was the one?

OP posts:

MrsGHarrison87 · 17/03/2022 19:57

I just liked having him around all the time and was happiest when I was with him. He made it clear to me he wanted to be with me, he ticked all my boxes and everything just went smoothly, no drama.

ginslinger · 17/03/2022 20:02

I was broke and he paid for me to get a new outfit for an interview and when we decided to live together he showed me all his incomings and outgoings and what was left at the end and he said that was ours to spend as we wished. From that day to this we have shared our finances and never begrudged each other a penny.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 17/03/2022 20:04

He felt more like my family than my family and a closer friend than all my friends.

Badbadbunny · 17/03/2022 20:05

Me and OH met through voluntary work (mid 20's) and we spent time together working usually alone so plenty of time to chat and generally get to know eachother. After a couple of months, we just drifted into going out together occasionally, generally becoming friends, then best friends, etc. Intimacy etc came a lot later. The whole thing was a very "slow burn" rather than some kind of whirlwind affair. Must have worked though because that was 35 years ago and we're still together!

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/03/2022 20:06

We both did, instantly. Can’t possibly explain why.
We still know, 34 years on.
It was just instantly right.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/03/2022 20:07

It's different for everyone so there's no rule.

What is true is that you should know what your core values and beliefs are and not compromise those. I could t marry a misogynist, or someone who would hit a child, or someone with no sense of humour.

DH just made, and makes, me happy. That's all.

Firesidefox · 17/03/2022 20:10

It was just so so easy. No dramas. No pretending to be cool. We both just knew it was right and there was absolutely no doubting it.

bossybloss · 17/03/2022 20:12

I was going through a rough time , my Mum had just died.He was kind , patient and made me laugh.There was absolutely no drama! The clincher was ...he gave me the key to his car when I didn’t have one.That meant a lot, such kindness which he displays to this day. ( I kissed an awful lot of frogs and married at 33 ..so there is time for you OP) xxx

roastedsaltedpeanut · 17/03/2022 20:15

He became my best friend and still is my best friend.
I’ve always known that I was looking for a partner for life rather than a hot sizzling love interest. I was aware that passion would eventually fade so I needed my partner to agree with me on principle matters, world views, morality and have that fundamental respect for each other.
All of the above is based on honesty and trust, without which all relationships are doomed from the start.
My policy was to be frank and open to all potential candidates, which unfortunately made me vulnerable to users and cheaters, but I believed the only way to find the one is for him to see the real me in my absolute honest form. Be prepared to drop the wrong one and never dwell. Everyone is always on their BEST behaviour at the beginning, if you have to tolerate THAT you won’t stand the real him years later.

I was lucky to find him so young and I love having him around.

PinkPlantCase · 17/03/2022 20:15

Everything was so easy. There was no worrying about what to say or what to do.

We also want the same things from the future which I think is really important too.

Crazykatie · 17/03/2022 20:16

Out first date holding hands on the way home from the theatre, I knew then he was the one and I moved in within 3 months.

sophienelisse · 17/03/2022 20:19

It's just easy like other posters say.

My issues are not problems they are just me.
Likewise for him.

He does the right thing by me and our daughter everytime as default.

He's kind to other people.

He will tell me when I'm wrong or overreacting in a way that's adult not patronising and we can talk about things. Likewise for him.

Picklerickflag · 17/03/2022 20:22

I'm 42 and when I was your age, most of my social circle was in long term relationships. I reckon that only 25% of those relationships have lasted. So I wouldn't say many people had actually found 'the one' at that age.

wishing3 · 17/03/2022 20:26

@Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese

He felt more like my family than my family and a closer friend than all my friends.

I was going to say the same! He felt like family and although I fancied him I felt at ease around him and like I could fully be myself. It’s never too late to meet someone OP, but you are also so young! I know it sucks when everyone seems to be coupled up but I’d bet most people haven’t met their person by your age.

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 17/03/2022 20:29

I don't believe in 'The One'. I believe in a bell curve - at either end you have the small number of people that you're either extremely incompatible or extremely compatible with. In the middle is the large number that you could probably muddle along with more or less successfully.

I'd put my husband at the 'extremely compatible' end of the curve because of how much we agree on, and, just generally, the fact that life is better when he's there. I enjoy things more. I like sharing things with him (barring shopping - I hate shopping with him). I like talking to him; I value his opinions and his good judgement. Our relationship hasn't ever felt like work. We put effort in, definitely, but it's never felt like a chore or a burden. We pick up each other's slack. We make each other laugh. We treat problems like they're something we have to team up against, rather than something that divides us. It just works.

LaBelleSauvage123 · 17/03/2022 20:30

There was no angst.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 17/03/2022 20:33

I fear I'm at too late a stage in life now to meet the one.

You are 26, there’s loads of time. It’s perfectly normal to not have met your person yet

purplesequins · 17/03/2022 20:38

@LaBelleSauvage123

There was no angst.

this

no anxiety he could not like me if I had a bad day. if I didn't dress up or wear make up every day.
solving problems together without judgements.

TheVolturi · 17/03/2022 20:45

Been with dh a long time now, 17 years almost. I knew early days he was the one because he accepted me as I was in the state I was, helped me and supported me. We have been through so much over the years and had three children, one with special needs, and I honestly love him more now than I ever did. We're closer than ever. He even doesn't mind my slight obsessive celeb crush, and actually indulges me. He's the absolute best and if anyone tried to steal him I'd kill them 🤣🤣

Ohbedhowimissyou · 17/03/2022 20:52

Just to say you are absolutely not pathetic! Plus, even if it feels like it, I can assure you, you are by no means the only one who finds it hard to find a partner - why do you think dating apps are so popular?!
I don't want to sound condescending but you are still so young! There's loads of time to find 'the one'. Please don't put yourself down, your situation sounds very normal for your age.
In terms of finding a long-term partner, I'd say there was a sizeable shift with me and my friends in our late 20s as to who we formed relationships with/found attractive. We found ourselves wanting the uncomplicated. Basically, nice people who shared a similar outlook on the big things (family, careers etc) and who we could have never ending conversations with. Obviously attraction remained important but what was attractive to us changed.

InRoseBlush · 17/03/2022 21:17

I knew the first time I visited and stayed over at my boyfriend's house. When I still lived at home with my family I used to love Saturday evenings when I'd come home from shopping with friends or whatever and I'd come in the front door and my parents would be in the kitchen with their music on, having a glass of wine and making us a nice dinner and my sister would come downstairs to join us and we'd all spend some time together in the kitchen and it would give me this warm feeling in my heart. Just total contentment of a happy Saturday night with my family who were the only people I could completely relax around. All four of us safe under the one roof, good music, good food, good company. I really missed that when I moved out and thought I wouldn't feel it again. But that night at my boyfriend's house it was a Saturday and he was making us a curry and I sat at the kitchen table and we chatted while he cooked and the house was so cozy and I was so happy and relaxed and I felt that feeling in my heart. I'd had a strong inkling he was right for me but that confirmed it for me. He had stirred a specific feeling of contentment in me that I had only felt with my family and I just knew then that I could spend my life with him because that contentment is really all I want from life. Every Saturday with him is a blessing (and the other days of the week are fab too ).

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 17/03/2022 21:23

@Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese

He felt more like my family than my family and a closer friend than all my friends.

This right here is the answer as far as I’m concerned. I loved two other people before my husband, but this wasn’t the case with either of them, as much as there definitely was love there.

DeathByMascara · 17/03/2022 21:24

As others have said, there was no drama - it just worked. And while I'd felt like I spent most of my time putting on different 'faces' depending on who I was with, I could be absolutely myself with him. It was so comfortable.

That as well all the usual chemistry and laughter you can find with any random bloke. The comfort was the thing that was different. He still makes me so happy, 15 years on.

poshme · 17/03/2022 21:27

I just felt like we belonged together.
Like he was family. And that I can't imagine him not being around.

And I know a couple in their 60s, who when you meet them they are so comfortable and familiar with each other that everyone presumes they've been together since they were in there 20s.

They met about 15 years ago, and got engaged after a week.

Smidgy · 17/03/2022 22:28

I met my dh when I was 24 and he was 31. I had just come out of a very toxic, abusive relationship and when I met my dh it was like a breath of fresh air. Everything with him was easy, straightforward and honest. There were no games, no wondering why he hadn't text, no mind games. It was refreshing. He also laid out on the table what he was looking for after our first date (marriage, babies, togetherness etc). He was searching for the same thing I was. Everything clicked immediately and I knew within a few weeks that he was the one. 17 years later and he's still the one.

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