Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How did you know you were with "the one?"

39 replies

Teadrinker11 · 17/03/2022 19:53

I'm 26 and never had a romantic relationship and have extremely little dating experience. I know that's pathetic. Once upon a time I didn't really care but I'm more conscious of it how and how much I would like that set up, meet my soulmate, get married, children, house and a dog, etc. I fear I'm at too late a stage in life now to meet the one. A lot of people my age now are in long term relationships and happy. I fear if I ever meet someone I'll be too desperate that I won't stop to consider do I really feel passionate enough about them that I'm willing to commit the rest of my life to them. If you have met your soulmate, when did you know they were the one? How did you know? What were the signs? When there's fish in the water how did you know this one person was the one?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 17/03/2022 22:34

For me I had to get to the stage where I didn't need someone, but just wanted them. Once you get to that stage, you just know, because, although life is better when they're there, you know you're fine when they're not.

It sounds like you would benefit from using this pattern too, OP. If you're scared of how you'll be if you get into a relationship, now's the time to be alone and work on being happy with that. The fear is there for a reason; it's a signpost. Feelings always are.

justasmalltownmum · 17/03/2022 22:42

It was just easy. Like it was meant to be

Muppetlove · 17/03/2022 22:51

Well I didn't think he was the one but I knew he was special when dumped me a couple of months and I went home and cried non stop for two days. There was something so gutteral about my sadness when I'm normally pretty calm about early relationships ending. I knew I wanted him in my life, even as a friend. Fortunately the fool saw his mistake a couple of days later and we picked up where we left off, and got married a few years later too.

If we fought before we married and even still now DH makes it very clear this is to help our future. I can't explain how he does it well but it just makes me know that he's not going anywhere. It's really special.

Keladrythesaviour · 17/03/2022 23:01

We both knew right from day one. It was like we were a married couple, despite having just met. We were staying with mutual friends and he was cooking in the morning and I wanted to do nothing more than walk over and rest my head on his shoulder with my arms around him Confused it was bizarre. I'd never met the man before.
Anyway we went on our first date shortly after and pretty much moved in together after. Been together ten years now. We do fight occasionally, I'm quite fiesty and he's a right grump but we never question our love for each other and were never mean or nasty.
It sounds soppy but I feel normal when he isn't around, but then when he is I suddenly realise ive been suffocating all along and now I can finally breathe.

BabyNo11989 · 18/03/2022 13:50

It’s like others have said… there’s no drama or games. Wondering what they are doing, if they like you, when they will message you back etc.

That’s not to say there has to be an instant “spark”, those are usually trouble in my experience!

The ones me and my friends found to be the lasting ones were initially a “hmmm not sure of this one but we shall see where it goes”… then it slow burns into something so much deeper and lasting.

I had a few of the wrong ones from teens to 30. Absolute bastards in fact 😂
They all lead you to realise who you are, what you deserve and lead you to the right one.

Finally met my right one at 31 so there’s plenty of time for you! They are out there somewhere OP 👍🏼

mdh2020 · 18/03/2022 13:52

he asked me if I liked the music of Bach and that was it. I think we both knew. Rented a flat together three months later and still together after 54 years.

RagzRebooted · 18/03/2022 13:53

@SpaghettiNotCourgetti

I don't believe in 'The One'. I believe in a bell curve - at either end you have the small number of people that you're either extremely incompatible or extremely compatible with. In the middle is the large number that you could probably muddle along with more or less successfully.

I'd put my husband at the 'extremely compatible' end of the curve because of how much we agree on, and, just generally, the fact that life is better when he's there. I enjoy things more. I like sharing things with him (barring shopping - I hate shopping with him). I like talking to him; I value his opinions and his good judgement. Our relationship hasn't ever felt like work. We put effort in, definitely, but it's never felt like a chore or a burden. We pick up each other's slack. We make each other laugh. We treat problems like they're something we have to team up against, rather than something that divides us. It just works.

This is perfectly put, love it. I don't believe in 'the one' either and your bell curve description is spot on.
DramaAlpaca · 18/03/2022 13:57

It was easy and comfortable, right from the start. It still is, 34 years later.

ravenmum · 18/03/2022 14:00

It's not pathetic at all, stop putting yourself down.
And you sound very sensible and self-aware, and aware of the possible risks. Stop doubting yourself!

Robin233 · 18/03/2022 14:01

26?
I met my 'the one' at 29.
You have plenty of time.
I read a lovely post on here recently about a woman who met the one in her seventy's !!!!

ravenmum · 18/03/2022 14:29

Go into any relationship assuming that it is probably not going to last long. Then see if they change your mind.

layladomino · 23/03/2022 20:52

You are far from too old at 26. I know it can feel old, especially when it seems that everyone else is settled or settling. But as pp said, a number of those friends will likely not be with that same partner in a few years time. But even if they are, 'the one' comes to us at different times in life. For some there are multiple 'ones'. And if it helps - I think if you're a little older when you commit to someone, you've probably made that decision knowing yourself and what's important to you, a bit more. Please don't worry that time is running out - you've loads of time yet. Enjoy the ride!

Fuzzyhippo · 23/03/2022 21:48

I don't know, I haven't found mine yet. They usually decide I'm not the one first

AlmostAJillSandwich · 23/03/2022 23:01

After 32 years of certainty about never wanting children, i met a wonderful man with a child, and it didn't phase me at all. I'm actually even open to possibly having one together, despite a severe pregnancy/birth/birth injury phobia i've had my entire adult life.
Being willing to risk my absolute worst fear thats shaped my entire life choices doesn't happen for just anyone.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page