What would you think hes saying here?

[penpots]

Just need opinions really if I'm taking this the wrong way.

Received text from DP, I'd messaged to say morning, had a nice relaxing time last night with him. He started his reply with good morning etc and then ended with this:
And yes you touching me and blow job was great. more of that would complete me having you as my life.

For context we don't live together but see each other every day usually. I thought we had a great sex life. we're not at it like rabbits, as life, work, dc, not living together, but its often and always great.

But that text has left me feeling a bit flat and a little confused.
Is he just clumsy with the words and just telling me he had a good time last night, or Is he saying that he wants more sex in order for me to complete the relationship? make it perfect? I thought it was pretty compete already.

To be honest I’d read that message as “if you give me more sex/blow jobs I’ll consider making you my life partner/wife so you’d better be on your best behaviour”

Unfortunately, everything you’ve said since OP about not living together and no date set seems to stack up with the above! What a tosser he is!

Yeah he's made this sound like an audition. If you're good and treat him to lots of blow jobs, he'll keep you around.

Which is pretty vile.

Plus - as you've pointed out - what about all the things you'd like him to do better or more of? Why are you making his appointments and life admin when a) you work longer hours, b) you have children and c) he's a grown up and it's HIS life admin?

If you two are getting married,has there been a discussion on how he will feel about living withyou and your dc?
How does your dc feel about living with him?

If he really does love you he should be happy to settle for cuddles and not sex every time.

Perhaps you could test him. Say you don’t feel well or too tired. What would his reaction be?
Maybe you’ve done this already ?

I get from your text that it sounds like he’s placing conditions on your future with him.
That’s why I ask if you’ve ever denied him sex.
Will he still be the nice person you know or will he reveal a selfish sex pest ?

Best find out before you get married.

Meanwhile you can still ask him what he meant by his comment.

“But he also says he can't wait to marry me, which to me doesn't exactly tie in with his reluctance to move in together.“

You’re definately not overthinking this bit,op.
It’s your gut telling you something is not quite right and things aren’t adding up.
Listen to your gut.
This is a red flag, not to be ignored.

You say he can move in with you.
Do you own or rent your house?

I would insist on a trial of living together first, before you marry him.
You can the see how he manages with sharing the mental load with everything... shopping, bills, housework, loo cleaning, household admin, help with the dc etc.
Not to mention the odd day here and there where you’re too tired for sex.

Only then will you see the real him. He may be lovely or he may be a twat.

Most importantly, how he and your dc get along under the same roof.

So if it doesn’t work out you can ask him to leave.
Once married it will be more complicated and if you own your house he’ll be entitled to half if the marriage ends.

You are overthinking this.

I told him last night his text left me feeling a bit weird and what exactly was he trying to say in it. I said it sounds like its a condition of our relationship.
He said he was trying to say he really enjoyed the evening and yes, in particular the blow job. And he wasn't saying he is not complete but that he would like more of that but only if and when I want to do it. He'd like it every day if he could, but if it was once a month he would not be any less happy with our relationship.
He was trying to say because I initiated it and also he got a blow job that he was trying to compliment me and let me know that made him happy but not a condition at all.

He is more into sex than I am, I'll not argue with that. And when I said earlier he initates more, its not a case of I don't put effort in or just lie around waiting for him to do so, its more a case of when I go to his or his to mine, i'm happy to relax a bit longer with a drink and chat and he comes onto me before I come onto him more times. its not 50/50 I know that but its not far off. Its probably more like 60/40. And 99% of the time I reciprocate straight away, so its not exactly like hes putting in a ton of effort and getting rejected.

The 1% is when I've really been too tired or if had a bad day and just not feeling it he has never pestered and understands.

I feel better by his explanation but it still isn't sitting right with me.

And i've also been thinking more about the moving in together and the wedding. I have made some vague plans for the wedding, just getting some ideas really and ran things past him, but he doesn't seem that interested. I told him I was really unsure what sort of venue i'd like and he said he'd look up some ideas online and also come up with some suggestions. This was about 5 months ago. He hasn't done anything, so that is not sitting well with me at the moment.

He has decided to get a new car the last couple of weeks and has spent hours online looking at what he wants. This is because he really wants to change the car (he has no need to change the car by the way, his car is perfectly fine). This has pissed me off a bit that he can spend all that time looking for a car, because he wants one, but zero time looking for a wedding venue. Am I over thinking this too? Because to me it just seems like the wedding is not a priority to him, a new car which he doesn't need is though. And then the text just felt wrong, perhaps because this was in the back of mind.
To me he has gone all out to find this car, but hasn't researched a single wedding venue.
This does not fit in with him saying he can't wait to get married does it? I've purposely not done any more about the wedding or mentioned it to see if he mentions it or does what he said he would, and he hasn't.

So I'm still feeling sort of flat even after last night and his explanation.

Your over thinking it.
His just saying your great at blow jobs, he loves them and it completes his life…which just means his very happy.

That’s it, your over thinking this a lot.

@Squeezyhug

I rent, he owns. Definitely we will live together before getting married. And I would suggest he moves in and does not sell his house immediately as he does not need to in order to live with me. And only sell it or rent it out whatever he wants to do once we've lived together for a decent time. I was hoping to get married this year, but as he hasn't moved in yet and nothings been sorted that is very unlikely to be happening.

DC all get on ok with him except for the one who has said to me hes a twat, but he also said he thinks that because he tells stupid jokes and is just annoying sometimes. Hes a teen and does think a large number of people are twats at the moment and everything I do is also annoying, but thats something to navigate. They are polite and do seem to get on though so i'm not worried about that aspect.

With regards to the wedding, chill out, his not going to mention it or bring it up, stop playing games! Stop expecting him to be a mind reader too.
If you want him to be the one to find the venue then tell him that, but don’t expect him to do it off his own back as he won’t, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to marry you either, men don’t connect emotions with activities…your connecting too many emotions to it. This is why I have no idea why men and woman are “supposed” to be together, we don’t think and feel the same as one another because we are built differently.

@Mindmatters668

I am chilled out and i'm not playing games. And I don't expect him to be a mind reader

But I do expect him to do the thing he said he was going to do without me having to keep bringing it up. And I do expect him to be interested in our wedding!

All he says is he really wants to marry me and can't wait. But does nothing to move this along. After it being me doing all the research and talking to him about the actual ideas and plans, I've backed off mentioning it because he isn't taking any interest, at least not to the point of doing anything towards making it happen. Thats not playing games, thats me seeing if his actions will match what he is saying. And so far they haven't.

Would it not make more sense to move in with him I he owns his house, rather than be renting?
Or is it the size?

If you really want to be married you should talk about it more and see how he reacts to that.

You need to know f he’s stringing you along.

OP, when it comes to assessing men, it is deeds, not words, that count.
His words: “I can’t wait to marry you.”
His deeds: “I’ve done nothing about it in five years. I can’t be bothered finding a venue in five months. I haven’t moved in with you.”
My view? He is perfectly comfortable with the status quo. This way he gets plenty of sex, attention and life admin done for him, with none of the responsibilities or hassle of marriage and family life.
Personally I think you should reflect on your teenage son’s opinion that this man is a twat.

What @Babdoc said...

You've been together 5 years, but no sign of moving in together. Promises of a wedding but no action. I fear he asked you to marry him because it got to a point where it became a bit awkward not to...

“..complete me having you as my life”.

I would keep reading that bit of the sentence and wonder what on earth he meant to write because it makes no sense whatsoever. Anyway, I would find it very offputting.

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "Ooh, THAT thing you did was REALLY nice!" - my bf and I both say that sort of thing, both as a compliment and possibly as a touch of positive reinforcement.

You're emphasising the fact that you ARE putting in effort and are NOT rejecting him sexually - as if you need to prove you are good in bed, as that's being questioned. And this message made you feel as if he's not satisfied with your "performance", is that right?
Is all this about your own insecurity, or is he giving the impression that you're not good enough? You say "he has never pestered and understands" when you don't fancy it, but it sounds like he's blowing hot and cold, not as keen as he should be. Is that making you feel not good enough for him?

Unless he was joking, I would be disgusted.

No one needs a man to tell them he wants more blow jobs. We know. Now fuck off and stop with the sexual pressure and manipulation.

[quote penpots]@Mindmatters668

I am chilled out and i'm not playing games. And I don't expect him to be a mind reader

But I do expect him to do the thing he said he was going to do without me having to keep bringing it up. And I do expect him to be interested in our wedding!

All he says is he really wants to marry me and can't wait. But does nothing to move this along. After it being me doing all the research and talking to him about the actual ideas and plans, I've backed off mentioning it because he isn't taking any interest, at least not to the point of doing anything towards making it happen. Thats not playing games, thats me seeing if his actions will match what he is saying. And so far they haven't.[/quote]
I think you have the measure of him but don’t want to say it. He doesn’t want to get married or live with you, he is happy with things as they are.

@ClariceQuiff

having you as my life

This makes no sense whatsoever.

agree.

i think you need to make a time plan when to get married etc.
otherwise he will drag this out.
and you will know where you stand with him.

you need to have a good talk about these with him. there must be a time limit. you wouldnt want to lose more time living like that.

I agree with your son.
He is happy with the way this is.
He gets to live alone which maybe he enjoys but have sex whenever he feels like it.
He doesn’t have to work hard at building a relationship with your children as he can just pop off home when he’s done.
Stop wasting your time.

A lot of people, particularly men, are really bad at expressing themselves in writing and text messages are even worse. Sounds to me like he's cobbled together two well worn relationship phrases 'complete me' and 'you're my life' in a clumsy attempt to praise the BJ and leave you in no doubt he's keen for more of the same. After 5 years, you must have an idea of what he's about from his behaviour. You shouldn't let a text message shake you if you're otherwise happy and confident in him.