Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you think hes saying here?

72 replies

penpots · 17/03/2022 16:45

Just need opinions really if I'm taking this the wrong way.

Received text from DP, I'd messaged to say morning, had a nice relaxing time last night with him. He started his reply with good morning etc and then ended with this:
And yes you touching me and blow job was great. more of that would complete me having you as my life.

For context we don't live together but see each other every day usually. I thought we had a great sex life. we're not at it like rabbits, as life, work, dc, not living together, but its often and always great.

But that text has left me feeling a bit flat and a little confused.
Is he just clumsy with the words and just telling me he had a good time last night, or Is he saying that he wants more sex in order for me to complete the relationship? make it perfect? I thought it was pretty compete already. Confused

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 17/03/2022 18:05

God, OP. Find someone who says what they mean and means what they say. I guarantee your 'overthinking' issue will lessen dramatically.

WonderfulYou · 17/03/2022 18:11

I’m a clumsy texted and I was ready to say you are over thinking it but his use of the word ‘more’ would have me questioning it.

I would calmly ask him what he meant by more? Does he want more sex or just blow jobs?

Do you often initiate foreplay/sex or is it usually him? This could be what he means.

PurpleDaisies · 17/03/2022 18:23

What you’ve said about getting married makes me think he’s stringing you along.

FlowerArranger · 17/03/2022 18:30

@PurpleDaisies

What you’ve said about getting married makes me think he’s stringing you along.
I agree. It's just a carrot he's dangling...... when he isn't asking for a blow...

As a matter of interest - though you don't have to answer... - how often does he return the favour?

CambsAlways · 17/03/2022 18:33

So basically he is telling you if you give him more blowjobs he will want you in his life! Hmm! What do you get out of this relationship. Sounds a bit one sided to me, so basically he’s telling you what he wants you to do to make him happy! Hell no I’d be gone! There’s more than him in the relationship

Aquamarine1029 · 17/03/2022 18:38

I wouldn't be impressed. What a stupid, tactless thing to say.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 17/03/2022 18:41

perhaps I should have replied along the lines of him doing more housework and the grocery shopping would complete my life, lol

I would actually say that. Don't let him think that he's the only one who can air 'if only' ideas about what he wants in life.

Watchkeys · 17/03/2022 18:51

Why haven't you asked him what he meant, @penpots?

Original poster
penpots · 17/03/2022 18:53

For those asking he does initiate sex more to be honest. I’m usually more knackered than him, work longer hours, have dc to sort. It’s not always forefront of my mind to be sorting him out.
But I do way more in terms of life admin and also sort some of that for him like appointments and things so I think a bit along of lines of so what if he has to put a bit more in to initiate than me, I do more of everything else. so he can step up on that one.

In terms of him returning the favour, he does, every time. No problems there he is not a selfish lover.

Seeing him later tonight so I think I will bring it up again. I’ll just ask him outright exactly what he was trying to say.

I know he loves blow jobs, it’s very obvious, just asking for more like how he seems to be is leaving me a bit flat. If I want to do it, I do it. If I’m being told to do it quite honestly it puts me right off.

OP posts:
Original poster
penpots · 17/03/2022 19:01

@Watchkeys

I did, but he hasn’t really answered, just says I know what touching him means to me.

Honestly it sounds like I never touch him. We have sex almost everyday, sometimes twice at weekends, depending on dc schedules and the like. It’s really not like he’s not getting any. Not a blow job every time and it’s been probably over a week for that, so I’m assuming he is referring to wanting more of that to complete his life with me.
It’s the complete part I’m pissed off about. I thought we were. I’m either obviously wrong or I’m over thinking again .

OP posts:
billy1966 · 17/03/2022 19:12

OP,

Do not give any thought to marrying this man before he has made a huge effort to adjust to your children and life.

Men joining women with children is often an absolute disaster for the children.

When you have never had children it is a different life.

He's preoccupied with his penis getting more attention 🙄 while you are busy juggling many things like work, home and children.
Family life and not being the centre of your universe can be a shock to say the least.
Will he try to impose on your children and parent them too much?

I think getting married is running before you can walk.

This man is slow to move in, so be very wary.
Stop doing wife work for him.

Prioritise your children carefully before you marry mr. my penis needs more worshipping.

Be wary.
He sounds very immature.

Watchkeys · 17/03/2022 19:12

People in healthy relationships don't overthink about what their partner might mean, Penpots. They ask their partner for clarification, and their partner endeavours to explain themselves more clearly.

The fact that you feel you have a pattern of overthinking suggests not that you over think, but that you have worries and for some reason try to minimise them as 'Oh, it's just me being silly again!'

The trick isn't learning how to squash your feelings, it's realising that a healthy relationship doesn't lead to you questioning and criticising your own thought processes.

crispmidnightpeace · 17/03/2022 19:14

Honestly I'm sure many have/will say this but simply ask him? My husband and I have been together 4.5 years and we just communicate by speaking to each other. I will ask 'what do you mean by this?' and we would talk about the issue at length. Sometimes we may enjoy a drink whilst we chat about these things, often it will come up in bed.

If you can't do this with him I think that's a real issue.

But to answer your question he is asking for more blow jobs and most men would try that on! lol

Hope90x · 17/03/2022 19:16

Maybe I'm reading this the wrong way but I reckon he's clumsily saying he really enjoyed, and would like regular oral sex? Which is fine, as long as he is willing to reciprocate of course.

I know everyone is different but my DH always says he likes it when I initiate as it makes him feel more attractive/desired.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 17/03/2022 19:18

I would dump someone who said that to me.

GayANDguilty · 17/03/2022 19:28

You say over and over again you’re overthinking.
You’re not.
He’s a twat and quite a rude one.
If that what he needs to “ complete his life “ I would be suggesting he becomes his own life partner.
Gross.

Spitspatspot · 17/03/2022 19:44

Another one thinking that he’s dangling a carrot (so to speak Grin) and that if you give him more oral, he’ll commit to moving in. Whether he will, based on your update - I’m not so sure…

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 17/03/2022 19:47

I obviously don't know you or your Fiancé, although I was slightly surprised that you have been together 5 years and are not already living together. My initial reaction to your Original Post OP was that as a random couple who I knew nothing about (eg your ages, length of time together, intelligence etc), I thought that yes you probably were over thinking his message - but I did check that L and W are not next to each other on the keyboard - so my initial thoughts on what he meant were that he isn't very good at expressing himself when he is embarrassed or feels awkward, but that he wanted you to know that he is very happy that you two are getting married, and that last night being so good just confirmed it for him - I think he was trying to pay you a compliment!

Since you have given us more information I am still inclined to believe that my first thoughts were the correct ones, but I could easily be wrong about that. However, I definitely think that you really should live together for at least 6 months to see how compatible you both are then, but even more importantly to see how your DFiancé and DC get on when living together all of the time. Good luck OP, unless you are already looking for a reason/excuse I don't think you should give up on a 5 year relationship over this. By the way, if you have had enough, have the ick, or are not in love with him, you don't need an excuse to end it...

WonderfulYou · 17/03/2022 22:03

so I think a bit along of lines of so what if he has to put a bit more in to initiate than me, I do more of everything else. so he can step up on that one.

I don’t think how much housework, admin etc you do equates to how much effort you put in to initiate sex.
I think that’s quite an odd thing to say actually.

Sex should be initiated roughly 50/50 regardless of how many hours each of you work.

I would absolutely hate it I was the one initiating things most of the time because my DP thinks his life is more stressful so he can lie there and not do much while I initiate it.

So if he means he wants you to initiate things more then I can definitely see where he’s coming from but if he simply wants more sex or blowjobs then that would piss me off especially as you have sex quite regularly anyway.

JosephineMarchingOnwards · 18/03/2022 06:48

I agree wholeheartedly with Watchkeys
*“People in healthy relationships don't overthink about what their partner might mean, Penpots. They ask their partner for clarification, and their partner endeavours to explain themselves more clearly.

The fact that you feel you have a pattern of overthinking suggests not that you over think, but that you have worries and for some reason try to minimise them as 'Oh, it's just me being silly again!' “*

I think lots of texting within a relationship is not good (appreciate it’s not easy if you have kids and don’t live together though) because there is no tone of voice, and it’s harder to ask questions or clarify little comments like this. And then it becomes a bigger issue… due to reading back and overthinking.

To me, I interpret his comment as he wants more blowjobs - and say it’s a good thing that he is communicating that (rather than quietly resenting the lack of them). I think he’s simply tried to be less blunt about it but it has ended up giving you unnecessary doubts about other areas of the relationship.

However texting is not the best way to communicate about anything important - I strongly urge keeping texts to basic stuff eg/ what time tonight?

It’s not a good sign after 5 years together that your communication is so shakey. I thought from your first post that this was a pretty new relationship.

PearPickingPorky · 18/03/2022 06:56

Nothing would make me want to give blowjobs less than being told that more are required to make his life complete. What a turn-off.

toobusytothink · 18/03/2022 07:03

Why does everything have to be so serious? Did you enjoy doing it? I love giving my OH blow jobs. It’s a turn on. Sometimes I give him all the attention and sometimes it’s the other way round. I’d be replying with a flirty message haha yep bet you enjoyed it. I’m the best wife material ever! Looking forward to you showing me you’re the best husband material ever …. Or something like that. But you know him and your relationship

girlmom21 · 18/03/2022 07:11

He enjoyed the blow job - that's all he's saying.

Hallmark1234 · 18/03/2022 07:19

more of that would complete me having you as my life

....that would make more sense if he meant to write wife

Branleuse · 18/03/2022 07:31

Its a bit of a clumsy cringey message tbh. I think if it was me id message back that youre sure it would and you had a nice time too.
I think you can sometimes overthink these things.
Hes saying he had a great time and would feel life was complete if every night was like that.
That doesnt mean that he expects you to, surely?

Swipe left for the next trending thread