silence for three days....... whilst I thought the worst!! is that normal?

[butterfli]

My fiance (he proposed just before christmas) came to visit us new years day evening. He has been working very hard all over christmas and new year,, and is currently living in london(due to move down soon.

Iwas in bed with really bad flu, and my daughter was with me. He got in a mood over her not wanting a banana with her tea, then after telling me he was trying to decide to stay or go, I said go!

So he did!! Knowing how ill I was, and knowing that the following day was the 5th anniversay of my mums death.......

He sent me a message on the way home tellng me his life is crap and i make it worse!...... that he'd be gone for good soon, and then turned all his phones off for 72 hours!! I thought the worst! that because he is depressed, and nearly bankrupt, that he had........ you know....... done it! I was going out of my mind with worry , not sleeping etc! Oh, I am 15 weeks pregnant as well!!! I thought everything was ok!

Now I feel very cross with him, and that what he did was evil! He says that it wasn't, and why was i worried!? he said he was sleeping! pis++ed more like!

Help!!!??? (sad)

0808 2000 247 - Womens Aid. Ring them.

999 if he comes snooping round the house or does anything abusive again

so sorry you have to put up with this shit.

It does finally prove, if proof were needed, that breaking up with him was absolutely the right thing to do.

Thanx guys. and thanx for that womans aid no lewisfan. I've never experienced ANYTHING like this before....... and often wander if I am being selfish and unreasonable! Had an awful nightmare last night that he was outside with another man trying to pull my windows out! the police came and he disappeared, but then came back! I ended up having the baby in the FRONT garden!!! lying on sacks of compost!!! then this other man took the baby away, and I was distraught cause I couln't breastfeed!!!! am I losing the plot?????????????

No, it's just your brain trying (in a weird kind of way!) to process it. I always fall asleep with Radio 4 or the World Service on - that leads to weird news-related dreams a lot.

You are being really strong. Keep it up!

thank-you sea-bright!
I noticed today also, that on his msn...... altho I have blocked him, his message reads..... tapping fingers, just waiting....... glad I don't have to carry rhe bump!
is that meant for me? or am i being paranoid?
xxx

thank-you sea-bright!
I noticed today also, that on his msn...... altho I have blocked him, his message reads..... tapping fingers, just waiting....... glad I don't have to carry rhe bump!
is that meant for me? or am i being paranoid?
xxx

oops! didn't mean to do that twice!

bump

bump

I'd have thought it was meant for you, but just ignore it, you're better off out of it.
I was with a guy like this once, 6 years 2 children and goodness knows how many calls to the police later, we split, best thing i ever did, just stay away.

thanx for your mesage vic, Tonight I feel like I am losing the plot!
I am SO scared of him, and S|O worried about having this baby....... I am having thoughts that i have never had before.......
I really don't think he will ever leave me alone! I am in bits..................... I want my mum!sorry if i'm being pathetic..... I KNOW, there are people far worse off than me! xxx

Butterfli you're not being pathetic, you're scared and hormonal and pregnant so you have a strong instinct to protect your baby which makes you're feelings stronger IYSWIM.

He WILL leave you alone, the authorities will MAKE him leave you alone if it comes to that (court order, injunction, whatever) and there are organisations to help you like Womens Aid if necessary - did you ring them?

The samaritans are also a great listening ear 24/7 if you need to talk, you don't have to be suicidal to ring them. Just pick up the phone if you need to.

Probably missing you mum and not having her support this time round with the birth and the baby, is making how bad you are feeling worse. Have you got a friend who can support you at the birth?

Sorry you're feeling so low, keep strong and it will pass.

How are you doing today butterfli? Reading through this thread has brought me up in goosebumps. I am so very sorry to hear you don't have your mum around for you at this time.

When is your due date - it's very soon isn't it? Have you told the midwife your situation? Who is your birth partner going to be? He's not going to try to barge in and be present for the labour is he???

You should be nesting and focussing in on yourself and the birth, making your home a safe and secure coccoon for you, your baby and your dd for after baby arrives. I completely understand your dream about giving birth in the front garden, it seemed quite logical in a bizarre way.

Do you have a good support structure in place for after the birth - friends and family to help you out with your dd? I am concerned that he will start being more of a dick at that time when you will be at your most vulnerable.

If you need extra help, could you find a doula to help during the birth and who could come round post-natally to help out and look after you? If you use a trainee then it need not be expensive as you only need to pay for expenses - they cannot charge (I don't think).

I really hope you stay strong, you've done so well this far. Keep going and keep coming on here if you need more support and chat.

hello, thanks for your messages cheif and rubles, I am so glad my friend mummylin told me about this site...... it really is a lifeline!
I feel very low still today, but will do something positive....... think I will call my midwife.......
I have taken advise and he cannot make me allow him at the birth, he has no right.... which I think he knows.
I do have friends, but I'm not very good at asking for help! perhaps now is the time to learn! thanks again everyone for your support, advice and messages. xxxx

When are you due butterfli? And of course he should not be at the birth - at a time when you should be at your most positiv and strong!

I am due on the 1st of july!!!

you know i am here for you.

Well done butterfli - he won't get full custody - he is a twat and you are an admirable strong woman.

yes he is a twat !!!!!

Thanks! I think I finally realise that now! just hope his son doesn't take after him!