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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you loan money to your partner

71 replies

concreteisugly · 16/03/2022 10:23

Of 18 months ? I can afford to and I don't need the money at the moment. He has had an unexpected but vital and necessary reason to need £3k.
He will repay over a long period, A year or two , and it is me who is thinking of offering as he has some savings but will need these for emergency funds.
Using his savings will mean that he would not have much to fall back on if there was any major acute financial outgoing.

I don't earn on my savings and it is a way of putting away secret savings and not declaring them in divorce .

I trust him to repay, without question.

OP posts:

Spitspatspot · 16/03/2022 12:21

“ Why do you think that loaning a partner money would damage a relationship? Genuine question”

Might it cause resentment if he is anything less than prompt in paying you back - questioning his spending / lifestyle choices / purchases, etc? I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it, I don’t think…

listsandbudgets · 16/03/2022 12:43

OP this may be helpful protecting money during divorce

I would be very wary because you could end up not being paid back AND having to give a percentage of what you no longer have to your ex husband - the worst of all worlds.

Keep your savings you never know when you may need them

HandlebarLadyTash · 16/03/2022 12:44

Damnloginpopup · 17/03/2022 05:16

Lend it, but have a signed contract and repayment terms. Sounds callous but it's sensible. My partner leant me four grand to buy a car and apologetically, and with some embarrassment, asked if I thought it was wrong of them to ask me to sign a contract in regards to it. Not at all! It's a lot of money and quite frankly I would have thought them stupid not to. Incidentally, this was a loan of about 3/4 days or so while I was awaiting some funds to come through from cashing in premium bonds.

MintJulia · 17/03/2022 06:05

I've lent small amounts of money to two partners. On each occasion they have gradually assumed they didn't have to repay it. Both were a battle to get it back.

Let him use his own money.

User76745333 · 17/03/2022 06:11

This is about you wanting to feel needed and generous, not about him. He has the money. He can use this abc build up his savings again.

If (and it’s only if) he then had another real emergency before he’d built up any buffer s as nd he genuinely didn’t have the ability to pay, THEN is the time to consider it (and even then it’s probably a bad plan)

Riseholme · 17/03/2022 06:21

If you do loan the money put it in writing with an exact repayment plan and get him to sign it.

UserError012345 · 17/03/2022 06:38

What if you were to split before the money is repaid ? What happens then ?
I think it's lovely of you to think about offering. But I think you should keep hold of your money.

Sarahcoggles · 17/03/2022 06:56

I’ve lent money to 2 boyfriends in the past - about £2k each - both long term boyfriends. I got something basic in writing. Both times the relationship ended while the loan was still being paid back, but both loans were paid back in full.

zeddybrek · 17/03/2022 07:10

No just no.

Avidreader12 · 17/03/2022 07:14

He’s telling you who he really is..he’s happy to fleece the ex wife and then wants to use your money not his own when he has some. You wouldn’t be him as he can solve it himself

Avidreader12 · 17/03/2022 07:16

You wouldn’t be helping him (sorry) didn’t realise I had missed out that word.

DogsAndGin · 17/03/2022 07:56

@concreteisugly

Ok thanks. This is about helping him and hiding money for me. I can afford to do this and if all came to all I can afford to lose it.

Why are you even asking MN? You’ve made up your mind. No one is supporting you in this harebrained idea.

Illegally hiding money. Not cool.
Giving your new partner your marital assets before you’ve finished splitting your finances with exH. Messy! What if someone found out?
Even without points 1 and 2, your new partner has his own savings. He should use them rather than ask you to do something illegal.
You don’t know what’s round the corner - he can’t be sure he’ll ever pay you back.

iwishu · 17/03/2022 08:15

Most people that lend money don't get it back, the person borrowing needs it that badly they can't/won't repay there is normally a reason they can't get a loan from a bank, because they don't earn enough to repay or have defaults against their name. I know he hasn't asked you for money but your kindness would become frustration with a man with bad finances.

Marineboy67 · 17/03/2022 08:58

Be careful...what happens if your relationship breaks down and he still owes you the debt? Unless you get it written down in a contractual agreement that you both sign you don't have a leg to stand on in recovering your money.
I lent a partner £4k to stop the bailiffs evicting her and her children out of their home. Years later I never received a penny back despite a combined income of nearly £4K coming in to their household now. The longer it goes on the harder it becomes to deal with....don't do it especially if he has his own savings! Also look at the reasons for the loan, if he's in dire straights maybe but he's not!

BennyTheWonderDog · 17/03/2022 10:01

Yes but not in this situation. Let him use his savings. If something else goes wrong and he ends up needing the savings he's already spent, then you can offer. I can't imagine he'll want to be in debt to you while he has cash sitting in the bank.

Cimone · 17/03/2022 15:40

Men should never ask women for money. Ever. Period.
He has friends and family to get money loans from.
He has the money, but he wants to hoard his and use your resources? what in the entire hell?
You need to watch the movie THE TINDER SWINDLER so you can get clear on how this con goes. You barely know this guy and he is already knee deep in your finances.
Stop being so gullible. Tell him no and lock down all your accounts. Put your money in a mutual fund or something at least and never again have the mentality that you can 'afford to lose" your money to some suspect lothario.

BennyTheWonderDog · 17/03/2022 16:16

He hasn’t asked.

FloydPepper · 17/03/2022 16:51

You want to hide money in a divorce

Men who try this are ripped apart on here…

genie10 · 17/03/2022 17:26

It's a bad idea because it changes the balance of the relationship. Also, as time goes by a loan to be repaid oversuch a long period could leaving him feeling resentful about the repayments. (Unjusifiably, I know.) He has his own savings, so let him use them.

Hiding money from the divorce is sly and could backfire. If it were discovered that you had deceived the court, it may be assumed that you had further assets and you could end up losing even more. Your new partner may not think much of your duplicity either.

Valeriekat · 23/03/2022 09:47

@concreteisugly

He knows nothing of my financial Situation fwiw. This is a thought that I have. Judging in replies and experience though, there seems to be more negatives to this than positives. On a genuine note, Im really surprised that more posters don't think that loaning a partner money is a normal part of a trusting and mutual relationship, when it could ease a burden and provide longer term security.

Well why is this relationship any different to your current marriage?

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