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Original poster

Boyfriend 7yrs called me needy

47 replies

Fuzzyhippo · 15/03/2022 13:56

Been with OH for almost 7 years, we don't live together and don't have kids. Today he was meant to be dropping something off to me which he said he was going to last night but never turned up. I sent a text at 9am this morning asking what's going on then. He didn't reply so I sent a text at 1pm asking what's going on. Then out of nowhere he says I'm needy and to stop bugging him. I honestly can't figure out how I'm needy, I come round to see him once a week and we don't call and rarely text as he doesn't tend to reply if I do until he goes to bed around 9pm. I sent a message asking why he was being so harsh and he replied 'what about it?'. I don't know how to react or how to feel about this. I probably am overreacting and being needy, I try and stay away as much as possible as he says he prefers to be on his own but I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 15/03/2022 13:58

If he prefers to be on his own then let him. Permanently.

AmbushedByCake · 15/03/2022 13:58

Tbh this sounds like a depressing non-relationship. Do you get any joy in your life from being permitted to see him once a week after seven years? Would you honestly be worse off if you chucked him?

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/03/2022 14:00

I don’t think he sees himself as your boyfriend, let alone your “OH”. You’re somebody who he sees once a week (presumably for fun times and sex?) and prefers that you don’t pester him in his day to day life the rest of the time.

If you want and expect more than that, I think it’s time for a final text saying you understand, asking him to drop off whatever he was bringing back outside your house by the end of this week and then to consider himself dismissed. Then block.

Munchcrip · 15/03/2022 14:03

he says he prefers to be on his own but I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

Then listen to him and facilitate it. Leave him and find someone who values you and your time.

Appalling, especially after 7 years.

LargeInCharge · 15/03/2022 14:04

No phone calls, rarely text, see him once a week and he’s rude.

Do you see a future with him?

AchillesPoirot · 15/03/2022 14:06

I’d dump him personally

Original poster
Fuzzyhippo · 15/03/2022 14:07

@LargeInCharge

No phone calls, rarely text, see him once a week and he’s rude.

Do you see a future with him?

I honestly did think there was a future. I asked him the other week if we'd get anywhere in the future and he said he hopes so. But I feel maybe he was just saying that to keep me around for a bit longer. I'm so confused
OP posts:
BigButtons · 15/03/2022 14:11

He is an absolute twat. You deserve much much better. Needy!? I think you are bloody saint to have put up with him for this long.
He’s rude and dismissive and is giving you the bare bones.

SoftwareDev · 15/03/2022 14:11

This is not what a healthy relationship feels like.

You need to move on and find someone who makes you feel good about yourself.

Munchcrip · 15/03/2022 14:11

After 7 years, couples don't "hope" for a future, they plan for it.

He's stringing you along.
He gets all the perks of a relationship without the cons.

You deserve much better.

He is wasting your time, especially if your plan is to get married, have a family, buy a house, etc...
If that's the case then you are definitely not on the same wavelength and he is no partner material.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/03/2022 14:11

Asking about what the future will bring and him “hoping” that things will go somewhere is fine - if you’ve been dating under a year. It’s been 7 years! If he wanted things to be different then he’d have made that happen long before now. Stop being a passenger in your own life and dump him, you deserve far better.

Fatgalslim · 15/03/2022 14:11

After 7 years you see him once a week and he doesn't reply to calls and texts? FUCK HIM RIGHT OFF

Fayekrista · 15/03/2022 14:13

So basically you go round once a week for sex & the rest of the time have no/minimal contact.
Hes not your OH... you're his weekly release.
Give him the space he wants permanently & find someone who treats you better.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2022 14:14

Why on earth are you bothering with him. Sorry to be blunt, but he doesn't give a shit about you or this relationship. End it and move on.

Justcallmebebes · 15/03/2022 14:15

If you have been together 7 years and you see him once a week and rarely call or text in between, it's not really a relationship and he obviously has no intention whatsoever of progressing it further.

He's totally stringing you along and has you exactly where he wants you. Does he ever take you out? Do you go on holiday together? Do you socialise together? If the answer to these questions is no, then it's not a relationship, you're an occasional booty call.

Gather up your dignity, kick him to the kerb and massively raise your bar because you deserve better

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 15/03/2022 14:15

After 7 years he hopes that there might be a future for you?

What is keeping you in this (non) relationship?

ScrambledSmegs · 15/03/2022 14:18

I come round to see him once a week and we don't call and rarely text

Is this really what your relationship has been like, for 7 years? Sad

arethereanyleftatall · 15/03/2022 14:18

The only way a once a week relationship is going to work, is if both of you are happy with that. I wouldn't be, I wouldnt count it as a relationship, probably a FWB.

Original poster
Fuzzyhippo · 15/03/2022 14:35

@Justcallmebebes

If you have been together 7 years and you see him once a week and rarely call or text in between, it's not really a relationship and he obviously has no intention whatsoever of progressing it further.

He's totally stringing you along and has you exactly where he wants you. Does he ever take you out? Do you go on holiday together? Do you socialise together? If the answer to these questions is no, then it's not a relationship, you're an occasional booty call.

Gather up your dignity, kick him to the kerb and massively raise your bar because you deserve better

We go for a drive to places but never been on holiday and never actually been further than 50 miles from where we live. If we go out for dinner most of the time I'd pay for mine and he pays for his. When we do go out it's usually a trip to Wetherspoons with his friend so it's nothing special.

I grew up with a very unhealthy image of men, I was exposed to sexual doings from a very young age and was raised with my mother bringing home different men every week. I'd get attatched to them and wonder why they'd suddenly disappear. I've never actually had therapy for it, I did get offered but it's far too expensive for what I can afford and therapy on the NHS has a very long waiting list.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/03/2022 14:40

So get on the waiting list. However long it is you chance is better than not being on the list.

And dump this one. Be MORE needy next time. There's a set of words I dump for immediately; nag, needy, hysterical, there are more. An alarm goes off in my head BEEP BEEP MISOGYNIST.

I'm sorry about your childhood. Your boundaries will be all over the place because of that.

bubblesbubbles11 · 15/03/2022 14:42

7 years is a long long time to end up with someone like this...
don't you think your own days on this earth are precious?

BigButtons · 15/03/2022 14:42

Sounds like you are clinging to this relationship because you feel it is better than nothing.
It’s not though. I think you could do with therapy. You can get free therapy sessions .
What you have now is not good and quite frankly soul destroying.

2Gen · 15/03/2022 14:52

Oh he's stringing you along, getting what he wants from you whilst you're getting next to nothing in return. It's all on his terms, isn't it. I echo other PPs and advise you to get your things back from him and then dump him, block and delete. Then get yourself on the waiting list for counselling/ therapy with your GP and start reading up on dysfunctional families and relationships and how to improve your self-worth and how to set healthy boundaries. The "We took you to Stately Homes" threads on MN are very good too.
Get rid of him OP and focus on looking after and learning to love yourself so that one day, you'll be ready for a good relationship with a man who will love and respect you because he values you. That bollix doesn't deserve you nor any woman. You deserve far, far better than him!

Bookworm20 · 15/03/2022 14:56

You are not needy OP, you are the exact opposite of needy.

After 7years, this is not a realtionship. you deserve so much more than this. He sounds as though he has very little care and respect for you.

I completely agree with everyone else, get rid of him.

He has told you he prefers to be on his own. Let him.

In fact, I'd just not contact him again, and don't turn up at his house for his weekly session with you, he isn't worth another second of your time.

2bazookas · 15/03/2022 14:57

What you NEED is a new boyfriend.

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