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Original poster

So torn re new relationship

26 replies

Thinkrr999 · 14/03/2022 20:34

I've been seeing someone for a few months. He's lovely. Caring and kind. Fun. But we have such different views. I found out the other day he's not vaccinated against ANYTHING and nor is his child. He doesn't agree with vaccinations. This goes against my views, such a great deal. He's also quite into conspiracies and I am NOT. It's also moving quite fast. I don't know if I'm just getting cold feet after being single for a few years. We've got stuff booked together and I don't want to fall in that trap of staying together through guilt. It's just so hard because I flit between really, really liking him and just wanting to be on my own. Help!

OP posts:
iwishu · 14/03/2022 20:46

It would put me off, more so the conspiracy theories, it almost a trend for pot head losers to follow these beliefs.
Sound like yours?
It'll be hard work to see his point of view if they are very different to yours.

Pinkbonbon · 14/03/2022 20:47

Google 'love bombing' op as it sounds like this might be happening.

Also conspirey theorists are fucking mental.

You should probably run for the hills.

If you want more kids then he obviously is not partner material either as he disagrees on fundamental elements that will affect your child's health.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/03/2022 20:49

FFS, take the blinders off. He's not lovely, he's an idiot. Just wait until his mask really slips. You want to be around for that?

Get rid of him.

freeingNora · 14/03/2022 20:50

Here's the thing you're asking these questions at the very beginning of a new relationship. What does that tell you already you're thinking you're being guilted into staying with him. Run as fast and as far as you can there'll be a damn good reason he's single

TracyMosby · 14/03/2022 20:51

+It's also moving quite fast*
This is a massive red flag.

thenewduchessoflapland · 14/03/2022 20:51

Forget the stuff you've got booked.Run for the hills;so many red flags.

Original poster
Thinkrr999 · 14/03/2022 20:52

I do genuinely think he's lovely but just misguided and had a really weird upbringing. I was shocked about the vaccination thing. Its not really something you ask and I do judge someone who thinks a vaccination is more dangerous than an unvaccinated child getting meningitis

OP posts:
Bromse · 14/03/2022 20:53

Why can't you just enjoy the good bits of the relationship without commitment, keeping your options open? I can't see it lasting as you are poles apart but it could still be fun for a while - and interesting.

Original poster
Thinkrr999 · 14/03/2022 20:53

I feel like I've massively led him on but it really is amazing how you can be so in to someone then suddenly overnight they're not quite as attractive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thinkrr999 · 14/03/2022 20:54

@Bromse

Why can't you just enjoy the good bits of the relationship without commitment, keeping your options open? I can't see it lasting as you are poles apart but it could still be fun for a while - and interesting.
Because he wants commitment and I would be wasting his time.
OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 14/03/2022 20:59

It's a few months in, you're not obligated to anything. You have the right to change your mind at any point.

You haven't made any promises. You dated and it hasn't worked out. Yup it sucks but part of adulting is ending relationships. And at 2 months in, it should be so intense that it's a tough thing to do. That in itself is a red flag.

Original poster
Thinkrr999 · 14/03/2022 21:01

@Aquamarine1029

FFS, take the blinders off. He's not lovely, he's an idiot. Just wait until his mask really slips. You want to be around for that?

Get rid of him.

I sadly am starting to agree. I refuse to settle again. I've been there before. I want the good stuff. I hate ending things. Makes me feel sick thinking about it.
OP posts:
Original poster
Thinkrr999 · 14/03/2022 21:40

@Pinkbonbon

It's a few months in, you're not obligated to anything. You have the right to change your mind at any point.

You haven't made any promises. You dated and it hasn't worked out. Yup it sucks but part of adulting is ending relationships. And at 2 months in, it should be so intense that it's a tough thing to do. That in itself is a red flag.

Argh dating is so fecking stressful!
OP posts:
CousinKrispy · 14/03/2022 22:33

What a disappointment for you. I couldn't keep dating a conspiracy theorist. It seems like harmless fun at first, then you find that what MOST of them have in common is that if you believe one conspiracy theory, you believe them all. I could not have any respect for someone who believed a load of offensive nonsense about Sandy Hook being faked. Obscene and disrespectful.

Watchkeys · 14/03/2022 22:46

I don't know if I'm just getting cold feet after being single for a few years

If you were, do you think that means you should ignore your feelings?

Trippingslippingx1 · 15/03/2022 14:31

This happened to me last year and I ended it. Same reasons (might be the same guy 😂)
He just got weirder and weirder

Trippingslippingx1 · 15/03/2022 14:35

@Thinkrr999

I feel like I've massively led him on but it really is amazing how you can be so in to someone then suddenly overnight they're not quite as attractive.
This is how my guy made me feel. To the point where I cried to my friend down the phone thinking about breaking up with him. It was 4 months and a few dates.

My instinct was right

I broke up with him and he went NUTS. Two months later he mailed me a huge package of yoga gear worth about £300. Then he covered my front windows in milkshake. He was mental.

Yoyokitten · 15/03/2022 14:53

Listen to your gut OP. Good luck

Original poster
Thinkrr999 · 15/03/2022 14:54

@Trippingslippingx1

This happened to me last year and I ended it. Same reasons (might be the same guy 😂) He just got weirder and weirder
Oh god he was in a relationship last year too! Maybe it is! I feel like people like this are really amazing chameleons. They're so good at hiding these things and they come out eventually. Thankfully it's only been four months but I can see how people end up having kids and settling down and it comes out later. Especially if you're not amazing at spotting the signs or are unexperienced in relationships (or don't have mumsnet to help!)
OP posts:
Loopytiles · 15/03/2022 14:55

Wouldn’t date him!

Pinkandblueslushpuppy · 15/03/2022 14:57

Gee he sounds exactly the same as a guy I was dating very recently! He isn’t called Danny is he? 🤣 completely love bombed me and I ended up ignoring any warning signs because of it! It ended pretty much as soon as it started!

Trippingslippingx1 · 15/03/2022 15:04

@Thinkrr999 He is not called Jon is he? PM if as he was very very weird when we ‘broke up’. I know its annoying when you get broken up with or ghosted but I have never acted in this way. Particularly because we had not even had sex.

He told me he was going to have a lifetime of trauma because of me ending things. I found out so many weird things about him towards the end - he did drugs, did not have a pension and alluded to using my career and high earning to buy him a house (he would not need to bother with work if he was dating me) - all came out after 3/4 months and I was gutted.

OP you do sound similar to me and I remember having the same thought - I could have easily settled with this guy but mask slipped and I am so perceptive.

Trippingslippingx1 · 15/03/2022 15:06

@Thinkrr999

I've been seeing someone for a few months. He's lovely. Caring and kind. Fun. But we have such different views. I found out the other day he's not vaccinated against ANYTHING and nor is his child. He doesn't agree with vaccinations. This goes against my views, such a great deal. He's also quite into conspiracies and I am NOT. It's also moving quite fast. I don't know if I'm just getting cold feet after being single for a few years. We've got stuff booked together and I don't want to fall in that trap of staying together through guilt. It's just so hard because I flit between really, really liking him and just wanting to be on my own. Help!
He also booked a trip away 😂 and I felt guilty for dumping him!
BlingLoving · 15/03/2022 16:10

It's 4 months in, you owe him nothing. Never mind the red flags re love bombing, ultimately, things like vaccines or conspiracy theories are core to how you view the world. They're not minor things like preferring white over yellow where compromise is possible or not liking fancy restaurants where the person who does can choose to just do that with someone else.

The fact that you feel so guilty also says a lot. And none of it good.

Trippingslippingx1 · 15/03/2022 16:33

@BlingLoving

It's 4 months in, you owe him nothing. Never mind the red flags re love bombing, ultimately, things like vaccines or conspiracy theories are core to how you view the world. They're not minor things like preferring white over yellow where compromise is possible or not liking fancy restaurants where the person who does can choose to just do that with someone else.

The fact that you feel so guilty also says a lot. And none of it good.

Agree with this

The reason why I felt so horrendous is because I was being manipulated - when I broke up with him my guy demanded the reasons why and when I explained it was because he was an anti vaxxer than took drugs he was livid as if I was some conservative weirdo. Totally tried to gaslit me. He then posted a story on his instagram saying ‘we will meet again’ all cryptic.

I had a guy at the end of last year break up with me - I dont think he was that bothered with me and TBH was not far out of his seperation from marriage. seen him for 2/3 months and had sex. He sent me a message saying the usual ‘its not you its me’ - I just said ‘no worries and I kind of suspected that. Take care ❤️‘ - NONE of the drama as above. When you have been dating somoene 2/3 months or longer they are entitled to change your mind and so are you

My suspicion is this guy you are posting about will be similar to my guy so please be very very careful.