What would you do if you were told to F off?

sleighbellsjiggling · 2022-03-14T13:26:12+00:00

Without me going into too much detail as I'd be here all day, if your OH told you to fuck off, called you names etc when slightly inconvenienced/irritated, what would you do? I.e they're ill and the thing they wanted wasn't there and you were trying to help with an alternative. I know it's not a normal thing to do in a relationship for me but I'm being made to feel like it's me being too sensitive.

whatsagoodusername · 14/03/2022 13:29

I'd fuck off and leave him to it. No longer your problem in that case.

You're not being too sensitive. Doesn't matter how ill or inconvenienced he is, you don't deserve to be spoken to in that way.

Cakequeen1988 · 14/03/2022 13:32

I’d also fuck off and leave him, permanently. I’m not being spoken to like that and neither should you be

me4real · 14/03/2022 13:37

That is abuse. Please separate from him.

Shoxfordian · 14/03/2022 13:37

I’d do as he said and not come back
Wouldn’t stay with someone so disrespectful

Lazypuppy · 14/03/2022 13:40

Pack his bags. Its 1 thing to swear at a situation very different to swear at someone

WouldIwasShookspeared · 14/03/2022 13:41

I'd do as I was told.
Permanently.

cornflakedreams · 14/03/2022 13:43

Get professional support and make a plan to leave the relationship.

Original poster

sleighbellsjiggling · 14/03/2022 13:44

Thanks everyone, totally unanimous there which is good to know.

I'm working on my plans, it's definitely death by a thousand cuts and I'm sick of it.

OP posts:

dudsville · 14/03/2022 13:44

It's abuse. It's not OK. I'd leave.

theglitch · 14/03/2022 13:49

As a one-off really sick, in massive pain, exhausted, out of the blue, out of character sort of thing - well I'd be hurt but would assume he'd reached a limit, and would apologise profusely and be back to his normal lovely self when well.

I accidentally told dh to fuck off once but wasn't actually saying it at him, I was swearing profusely at the pain and trying to say back off at the same time and got muddled.

As normal behaviour with an intent to hurt you? God no. That's no way to live.

Hen2018 · 14/03/2022 13:56

I’d fuck off.

Watchkeys · 14/03/2022 14:26

You are always, 100%, without fail, being exactly the right level of sensitive for you.

Anybody who tells you you're too sensitive means you're too sensitive for their preference, which roughly translates to 'Stop bothering me with your pathetic feelings'. Remove acceptance of this dynamic from your repertoire. If he doesn't like your feelings, he doesn't like you, and you need to leave dynamics like this.

cleocleo24 · 14/03/2022 14:36

I am actually currently going through this. dH has form for telling me to F off during arguments but during our most recent one he called me names and tried to intimidate me which left me shaken. It is out of character for him to go that far but we do argue a lot and he quickly resorts swearing and shouting but he's never gone this far.

He says it's a one off and promises it won't happen again. I have told him I will leave him if it does. It's so hard though to know and I feel a lack of respect he has for me.

Do you have dcs?

Googlecanthelpme · 14/03/2022 14:59

Well me and my partner do tell each other to Fuck off occasionally because well life is hard, we’re knackered, we get irritated and we are the closest person to each other - so we take our bad moods out on each other occasionally. But the important thing is that it never accompanies name calling, it’s never said as a way to hurt the other just out of irritation I guess and we have an otherwise respectful and loving relationship. We both understand our boundaries and what we consider healthy arguments and annoyances within our relationship.

What you’ve described doesn’t sound like that. It sounds like he’s not very nice and you don’t have a loving and respectful relationship with clearly defined and mutually accepted boundaries.

Thewindwhispers · 14/03/2022 15:01

Hm. I wouldn’t accept it but I’m not sure I agree with other posters that it’s abuse - it depends how you normally talk to each other and what’s normal for your families. DH is from a very rough sweary background and has said that to me a couple of times in arguments. To answer your question I say “You wouldn’t talk to your mother or your female colleagues like that, why do you think it’s ok with me?” Then I walk out and leave the house for a bit.

But jf you want tomleave him, leave him, you don’t need a reason or justification to end a relationship, you can do it just because you want to.

Original poster

sleighbellsjiggling · 14/03/2022 15:25

There are DCs and I want better for them than a man who thinks it's ok to speak to me like shit. I want my DD to know not to accept it and my DS to know not to do it.

I need to speak to UC to see if there's anything I can do to get an advance if I set up an individual claim. I could rent a house for just me and the kids quite happily. I think financially I could just about make it work. He's shit with money so we'd probably be better off to be honest.

OP posts:

WhenPushComesToShove · 14/03/2022 15:28

I say to my OH if he's ever revolting, 'what a sweet, charming man you turned out to be. Illness is no excuse for being nasty

Duracellbunnywannabe · 14/03/2022 15:30

@cleocleo24

I am actually currently going through this. dH has form for telling me to F off during arguments but during our most recent one he called me names and tried to intimidate me which left me shaken. It is out of character for him to go that far but we do argue a lot and he quickly resorts swearing and shouting but he's never gone this far.

He says it's a one off and promises it won't happen again. I have told him I will leave him if it does. It's so hard though to know and I feel a lack of respect he has for me.

Do you have dcs?

This sounds like escalating verbal abuse.

sparksfly24 · 14/03/2022 16:44

Yes, I did escalate this time. I don't know what to do.

GreyCarpet · 14/03/2022 16:46

I do as they wished and never return.

pictish · 14/03/2022 16:48

How would he react if you did the same?
Quite. It’s not acceptable is it?

sparksfly24 · 14/03/2022 16:49

I am taking his word for it it's a one off. We are seeking counselling. So much is going wrong and I have so much on I don't feel like I have the headspace to do much else.

Original poster

sleighbellsjiggling · 14/03/2022 18:24

@cleocleo24

I am actually currently going through this. dH has form for telling me to F off during arguments but during our most recent one he called me names and tried to intimidate me which left me shaken. It is out of character for him to go that far but we do argue a lot and he quickly resorts swearing and shouting but he's never gone this far.

He says it's a one off and promises it won't happen again. I have told him I will leave him if it does. It's so hard though to know and I feel a lack of respect he has for me.

Do you have dcs?

Your relationship sounds similar to mine, it's horrible when they're awful one minute then nice another isn't it? My OH has never been violent towards me but has made threats of 'wait and see what happens now' and threatens to take the kids away which terrifies me. I know he wouldn't do it but hearing it is awful.

I hope you're ok

OP posts:

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 14/03/2022 18:30

It is wrong, OP.
Sure it can happen in good relationships, through stress etc, but it must be acknowledged that it is wrong and the person who says it should be suitably apologetic.
If there's any other pattern of abusive language or behaviour, and the person doing it doesn't fully acknowledge the harm they are doing, the whole thing is very, very wrong. I'm sorry OP, I hope you're ok and good luck.

aalidfeie · 14/03/2022 18:39

would he tell his mother, granny, work colleague, kids to fuck off? id say no, so why does he think it is okay to say it to you? Lack of respect. Time to leave