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Original poster

comments on my clothes

32 replies

shellyr1989 · 11/03/2022 12:01

Am i being too sensitive or is this banter? my boyfriend regulary comments on my clothes in a neative jokey way eg we were going to mass last week and i had a pair of plain chelsea boots on nothing weird and he said oh u look lovely but i seen him glance at the boots and then he says even with your little cowboy boots on in a snide way.followed by im just joking. other comments he makes are about how tight my jeans are(normal skinny jeans) or asks did my jeans srink in the wash..i have a pair of black jeans with one small rip on the knee and the comment on that was how cheap they look..(river island 50 quid jeans)or oh i like your jumper..when its obvious he doesnt by his facial expression..i dress decent in my eyes absolutely nothing wrong with what i wear for my age.. sometimes when i eat when im finished the comment will be god u were hungry.. im a size 10 so not over weight.. he complements me a lot also but i just feel these comments are happening to often.. i called him out on it big time yday and he says he feels disgusted that he has made me feel insecure but i dont know how to feel. he is very apologetic but to me he has to mean these comments to say them..we dont live together

OP posts:
Moyny · 11/03/2022 12:04

Of course you’re not being too sensitive. He’s either an insensitive twit or consciously undermining. Do you really want to continue in a relationship with someone who is continually commenting on your appearance and appetite? You should only have people in your life who appreciate you.

HereComesSpringAgain · 11/03/2022 12:04

He's immature

Plenty more fish in the sea if you don't want to hang around until he sees the light!

Hiddenvoice · 11/03/2022 12:05

I think it depends on your relationship.
My dh and I wind each other up about clothes sometimes but we know there’s a limit and wouldn’t comment on anything that we are insecure about and would certainly not push it.
We have completely different styles and he will either like what I wear or doesn’t. I wouldn’t be changing my style for him and he knows that.
You’ve spoken to him and he seems upset that he’s made you feel like that.
See how it goes and if the comments start again then you need to think about if this relationship is worth it.

SirVixofVixHall · 11/03/2022 12:06

He is insecure and controlling.
Honestly, it will only get worse.

RockinHorseShit · 11/03/2022 12:06

Tell him to fuck off & get yourself a newer better model

In my experience this is the early signs of an abuser... run

Original poster
shellyr1989 · 11/03/2022 12:10

can i just add that before i met him i had been heavier and lost 4 stone prioe to ever knowing him..ive maintained my current weight now for over 2 years..but he does know all about my weight loss... so the comments about food are intentional i feel

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland · 11/03/2022 12:12

How long have you been together? He sounds a knob.

bedheadedzombie · 11/03/2022 12:20

Look up negging. Does it sound familiar to you?

DatingDinosaur · 11/03/2022 12:21

”i called him out on it big time yday and he says he feels disgusted that he has made me feel insecure”

Well this is good, and well done for calling him out on it.

I’d give him a second chance and assume it was just crap banter (particularly if you are both quite young and he hasn’t figured out that talking to his girlfriend like he talks to his mates just doesn’t work the same).

Now he knows how it makes you feel, he shouldn’t be saying it again. If he does, he’s doing it on purpose - and that isn’t nice/good/kind/thoughtful/respectful and would show his true character.

ScottChegg · 11/03/2022 12:23

If he's really disgusted with himself he'll stop now, won't he. My gut feeling is he will probably continue.

RockinHorseShit · 11/03/2022 12:28

”i called him out on it big time yday and he says he feels disgusted that he has made me feel insecure”

Bollox. If he was that disgusted with himself, he would never have done it in the first place.

He now knows it made you feel insecure too. Trust me, this will not stop until YOU have the balls to get rid

girlmom21 · 11/03/2022 12:28

He's a tosser, isn't he?

GameofPhones · 11/03/2022 12:31

Tiresome. I would ditch him if it carries on.

Pinkbonbon · 11/03/2022 12:32

Negging.

Designed to make you feel insecure about yourself. Why would a partner do that to you? Heck, why would anyone do that to anyone?

He is foul. And he has shown it clearly.

Also 'snide' ? Fuck that. People who treat you with contempt are not people you should be around in any capacity. I bet he's one of those wankers who smirks a lot too , right? Usually at other peoples discomfort/pain. Ick.

This guy does not mean good things for you.
Get out ASAP.

Pinkbonbon · 11/03/2022 12:37

@ScottChegg

If he's really disgusted with himself he'll stop now, won't he. My gut feeling is he will probably continue.
Or find some other way to make you feel like shit.

Maybe talking about how 'stylish' other women are. Or banging on about his ex in order to make you wonder if he is over her. Or telling you one of your friends doesn't like you or said something nasty about you. Or maybe just some plain old gaslighting to make you doubt your thoughts and actions.

Plenty of choice out there for an abuser to pick in order to damage your self esteem.

comedycentral · 11/03/2022 12:39

🚩🚩🚩

cabansunset · 11/03/2022 12:39

Google 'negging'

GiraffeInTheWild · 11/03/2022 12:45

@RockinHorseShit

Tell him to fuck off & get yourself a newer better model

In my experience this is the early signs of an abuser... run

This.
SartresSoul · 11/03/2022 14:24

This is something my abusive ex used to do. It wasn’t the only thing but yeah, lots of comments about the way I dressed which he would pretend was just banter. Eventually it grinds you down and you start to believe you look like shit. He used to tell me my clothes looked like I’d bought them from a market and they didn’t suit me. It progressed into him trying to dress me how he wanted and he’d also rub my lipstick off if I turned up at his house wearing it so I stopped. He commented on my body a few times too and also dressed that up as a lighthearted comment. It’s a controlling tactic, I’d run a mile.

Chobbers · 11/03/2022 14:24

He’s negging.
Designed to keep you uncertain and, in time, it’ll wreck your self-esteem.
It’s not going to get any better.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/03/2022 14:35

Indeed he's negging

Controlling behaviour like this is also abusive behaviour. You need to rid yourself of this man and asap before he further trashes your self esteem and self worth here down to zero sum. Abusive men like this take time to recover from and they also further damage boundaries.

2DogsOnMySofa · 11/03/2022 14:51

Another vote for negging. You've called him out, now it's time to see if his actions meet his words

AryaStarkWolf · 11/03/2022 15:27

Negging is such a disgusting thing. Anyone who does that to another person can't possibly care about them

AryaStarkWolf · 11/03/2022 15:28

@SartresSoul

This is something my abusive ex used to do. It wasn’t the only thing but yeah, lots of comments about the way I dressed which he would pretend was just banter. Eventually it grinds you down and you start to believe you look like shit. He used to tell me my clothes looked like I’d bought them from a market and they didn’t suit me. It progressed into him trying to dress me how he wanted and he’d also rub my lipstick off if I turned up at his house wearing it so I stopped. He commented on my body a few times too and also dressed that up as a lighthearted comment. It’s a controlling tactic, I’d run a mile.
Glad he's your ex now!
KirstenBlest · 11/03/2022 15:32

god u were hungry
Bin him

even with your little cowboy boots
Fuck that

We were brought up to not pass remarks, other than to compliment something new, and I have dumped someone for less

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