Date etiquette - meal cost

[CowboySong]

I'm going on a date for dinner with a man I have met online. I have already met him once. He has told me that he likes to pay (I did buy a round a drinks too!). We're going out for dinner. I will want to pay half because of the type of person I am but I am worried he won't accept this. The issue therefore is this... I looked at the menu and what I want to eat is one of the most expensive dinners! Is this cheeky? Obviously I will happily pay but I'm worried he will think I'm taking the piss before the bill arrives. Or am I overthinking this? It's a pub not a fancy restaurant btw.

If I thought that the other person on a first date would insist on picking up the tab then I would go for a medium priced main. Then I wouldn't feel too guilty if he did insist on paying.

Let him pay.
Some men still love to court.

If things progress, you can always pay on future dates.

If you've offered to pay half and he's insisting I think it's fine. Do you know his occupation? Id feel less guilty if I knew he was reasonably well off and the meal wasn't going to leave him struggling for the rest of the month.

If he insists, let him pay, but also make sure he knows you’ll pay next time.

If he invited you then you're his guest so I would let him pay - if it's not fancy then the cost won't be that high.

Presumably you won't overdo the wine so I'm sure he won't think you're a freeloader.

Have a lovely date!

Unless it is extortionate, I’d just order what I wanted. As long as he isn’t sitting with a side salad, whilst you have lobster, it’s fine.
When the bill comes, offer to pay half. Some men like to be traditional, some see it as a payment that needs rewarding.

Stop over thinking it and order what you want to eat.

Order what you want. You’re happy to pay for it and you shouldn’t kerb what you want to do to flatter his ego around wanting to pay.

If this was an invite for a different event where a host was footing the bill I’d say it’s different, but I do think a date where you’d rather pay your share you should be able to have what you want.

If it was me I’d tell him I wanted the expensive thing but that you expect to split the bill. But personally I’d also be unhappy with someone else always paying. (Different if you’re taking turns).

Honestly, I think it’s rude. You know he will most likely pay so just order something mid priced. It comes across as granny.

Order what you want and pay your way. His wants don't trump yours.

If it’s £18 when everything else is about £15 then no problem. If it’s £60 when everything else is £15 then I’d think you were being grabby.

I wouldn’t order the most expensive meal whilst someone else was paying I’m sorry but it will look deliberate but it does really depend as someone else has said on just how much more it is...

It's a chain pub. So it really isn't expensive. We are on similar salaries (I'm paid less but I'm part time). I know I can afford it so assume he will be able too... and we're talking a couple of pounds more not lobster and steak. I will be driving so on soft drinks any way.

@Wiredforsound it's the first option but even cheaper!

If it’s a few pounds more then I’m surprised it’s even something to post a thread about it’s a total non issue, so it’s the most expensive meal by about £2/£3?

@CowboySong

It's a chain pub. So it really isn't expensive. We are on similar salaries (I'm paid less but I'm part time). I know I can afford it so assume he will be able too... and we're talking a couple of pounds more not lobster and steak. I will be driving so on soft drinks any way.

Meanwhile in the Ukraine…

If it's a few quid then don't worry about it. You buy the drinks after or something to even it out.

It’s not a problem, just order what you want, offer to pay half and if he refuses them thank him and enjoy your meal. Why do women overthink everything. Can you imagine a man being worried about this!

Meanwhile in the Ukraine…

What an unfair comment. These boards are full of people discussing relatively trivial issues...do you post the same message on them all?

@sunflowerted

It's 'Ukraine' not 'the Ukraine' and that is not the hot take you think it is.

Remember the story of Lobster Boy. Don’t order the lobster (actually I remember a friend laughing at how her ex tried tinder and was horrified when his much younger date ordered the lobster and expected him to pay). If it’s more than a tenner difference to the next dish, don’t .

I'd order what I want but also pay my way.

Personally I view it as a red flag if a man insists on paying in the early stages of dating. I don't want a man with "traditional" ideas about gender. I want any potential relationship to start off based in equality.

Once you get to know someone and are in a relationship with them, then of course it's nice to be treated and to treat them. Just not at the start when you're essentially still strangers.

Meanwhile in the Ukraine…

Fuck me you are going to need to put that on a lot of threads of you think that's all MN should be discussing at the moment.

I'd order what I want but also pay my way. Personally I view it as a red flag if a man insists on paying in the early stages of dating. I don't want a man with "traditional" ideas about gender. I want any potential relationship to start off based in equality.

This. Fine if he offers but if he insists there is no second date.

If there is a second date I think you want to be pretty clear about looking for an equal to see if he squirms; there are lots of gold diggers traditional women out there so no point wasting his, and your, time.

I’d feel really uncomfortable too if someone was insisting on paying. If it’s making you uncomfortable and feeling awkward, why are you putting up with these negative feelings just to accommodate his? Explain to him you’d feel more comfortable going halves. If he doesn’t listen or goes huffy, then be thankful you realised these traits early on.