Propose abroad or locally

[Rocktheboat56]

I think this is the year to propose to my partner. I planned to do it abroad but debating whether this is important or not. I guess either way it will be magical. Just wondered what others think? I've discussed it with him and he says he's not overly concerned about where it is. I just think there are some beautiful destinations out there and it may make it more rememorable.

There is obviously a generation divide here.

Yes having a conversation along the lines of 'should we get married? is that a sensible idea? do we both agree that we want to be legally/financially binded? etc' is very different from 'i love you will you marry me' down on one knee. One is a plan, one is 'a event'.

I’m 22 years into my third marriage and have never received a proposal - am I an outlier?

@thisplaceisweird

There is obviously a generation divide here.

Yes having a conversation along the lines of 'should we get married? is that a sensible idea? do we both agree that we want to be legally/financially binded? etc' is very different from 'i love you will you marry me' down on one knee. One is a plan, one is 'a event'.

Umm. Which one of those two do you think is a proposal of marriage?

I’m not really sure about the confusion over discussing engagement / an actual proposal and that they can’t co-exist as separate events.

I presume most couples will have a general conversation agreeing that they’d both like DC, how many, what sort of timeline they have in mind for starting TTC the first; but then there will also be an actual proper conversation where you agree that this is it, you’re both on board, you’re going to start now.

It’s the same sort of thing.

Surely it’s just the same with engagement - you’ve agreed that you’d like to get married

… but the proposal is the actual “yes, we’re doing it.”

I presume most couples will have a general conversation agreeing that they’d both like DC, how many, what sort of timeline they have in mind for starting TTC the first; but then there will also be an actual proper conversation where you agree that this is it, you’re both on board, you’re going to start now.

We didn't do this.

@Zazdar

I presume most couples will have a general conversation agreeing that they’d both like DC, how many, what sort of timeline they have in mind for starting TTC the first; but then there will also be an actual proper conversation where you agree that this is it, you’re both on board, you’re going to start now.

We didn't do this.

Fair enough. Though I’d imagine this is unusual and most couples do? DP and I established very early on in dating that neither of us wanted children. It would be quite awkward for one half of a couple, three years into the relationship, to suddenly say “Katie: I’m ready. I want a family with you. Let’s start trying for a baby!” and the response to be “Erm, James. I don’t want a baby. Ever.”

@ComtesseDeSpair Not only did we not do this either, but literally the entire concept of 'a proposal' is that one person asks the other one if they would like to marry them, and the other person says yes or no. Or both people discuss it together.

It's not in any sense the same thing as agreeing to have children at some point, and then deciding to start trying to get pregnant.

A proposal of marriage is, literally, one person askng the other one if they want to.

If you've done that, then you've proposed.

All this instagram/facebook performance bollocks isn't a proposal at all. It's some sort of weird performance of what it would be like to ask someone to marry you, in an extremely overblown way, if you hadn't in fact already done it. Which you have.