I need some relationship advice as my partner is a mummys boy and we're about to make a big commitment of buying a house together but im beginning to get concerned!
(Sorry for the essay in advance!)
my partner and i have been together for 5 years (im 25, he's 29). I moved in with him and his mum 2 years ago so we can save for a house deposit and during that time we got engaged. he has always been close to his mum but i didnt notice how close until i got to witness it first hand. Him and his mum catch up before he leaves for work, facetime/phone call during his work day, catch up when he gets back from work (she's the first person he goes to talk to when he gets home from work) and he always texts her goodnight even though shes in the room next door. I taught him how to cook and look after himself as he never had chores growing up because his mum did everything for him and i feel myself picking up the slack as he isnt always hands on with cleaning or cooking. He tells his mum everything. I had a miscarriage during lock down and he told his mum ''because he needed support''. her response to the miscarriage was ''arent you scared when you have kids shes going to take your child to her home country to be with her family?'' he openly told me this and didnt see an issue with the statement??? Please consider i have lived in the UK 18 years and all of my immediate family live here so there is no chance of that happening. He is a good partner and treats me well unless the issue around his mum come up in which case he gets very defensive. His mum manipulates him and treats him like a kid and gives him the silent treatment if he disagrees with her, he then chases for her forgiveness even though she's in the wrong. When he bought my engagement ring, her first question was ''what are you going to do with the ring if you break up, will you let her keep it?''. He told me this after our engagement and he saw it as her being accepting of the engagement?? She has made comments on my appearance multiple times and its always when her son compliments me. He will say ''doesnt she look nice today'' and his mums usual response is ''she looks so different without make up, i wouldnt recognise her in the street if i walked past''. she makes snide remarks such as ''you made my son grow up too fast, he wants to get married and buy a house instead of hang out with his friends ever since hes been with you'' i mean, 29, about time you grow up, no?. He left our mortgage meeting to go and ask his mum if she has any questions in relation to the purchase of our house that she wants to ask the mortgage avisor.... his answer to everything is ''but its my mum, thats just how she is, dont be so sensitive''. So, my concern is that we buy the house and start a family but he will always put his mum first and will always prioritise her views over ours and it scares me especially when the time comes to having kids. Im concerned he will overrule my judgement as a partner to do what his mum things is best. Am i overreacting or should i be wary? can he change if he currently isnt willing to even listen to any concerns as he gets defensive?