Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He just seems selfish now

103 replies

Richtea2 · 09/03/2022 12:43

My partner just can't work at the moment which is out of his control. I try and support him with my wages which is not much as I work part time. Due to my health issues I can't really do full time but I try and do extra hours.
So because he bored and fed up and he does help round the house. I pay for him to do this bootcamp classes each week which I pay monthly. Today he says to me that there's a trip for £30 with his bootcamp. I just sat at the table while he is telling me and just kept myself quiet.
I can't afford to pay for that and to be honest I want him to stop the bootcamp until he starts working. It sounds bad but really feel upset with this whole situation with him and starting to resent him. I just didn't sign up for this.
I help him so much with money and give him money to go see his friends. I try saying to him that not everything he can attend. I need my hair done really badly but do more for him than myself.
It's like he asked me for £30 and he could been like I won't go we don't have the money. And I helped him by giving money to his family and it's like too much.
I just can't do it no more.
I love him but feel used at times. I still got to look after our son and that's hard enough.
I feel like I resent him for putting me all through this situation which I can't talk about. But some things he don't need surely I am not overreacting here.
I even payed for him and I to go to this party he was invited too. Like each party he just can't attend and expect me to pay for.
I just don't know what to say to him.
Any advice?

OP posts:
NotaCoolMum · 09/03/2022 20:58

Just because he cleans and cooks and is good to your child is NOT enough reason to stay with him. That is the VERY LEAST he should be doing. You really can do SO much better than this

HappeeInParis · 09/03/2022 21:44

OP, are you the person who posted recently about your partner feeding DC ice cream for breakfast and gaming all day?

Zerrin13 · 09/03/2022 22:58

Just tell us why he can't work!

OnaBegonia · 09/03/2022 23:21

Can he not work as he doesn't have a right on work in the U.K.? you're very vague about work and marriage.

LightSpeeds · 09/03/2022 23:22

I feel trapped and no way out.

Just ask him to leave...

Original poster
Richtea2 · 10/03/2022 15:11

@HappeeInParis

OP, are you the person who posted recently about your partner feeding DC ice cream for breakfast and gaming all day?
No
OP posts:
Original poster
Richtea2 · 10/03/2022 15:13

Thank you all for advice

OP posts:
NowEvenBetter · 10/03/2022 15:17

This is bizarre, and not worth agonising over, reclaim your home, boyfriend can live somewhere else, that’s a problem for him to solve with all his free time. If you need to, just date him, outside your house, not sure why you’re paying to have a boyfriend.

Original poster
Richtea2 · 10/03/2022 15:32

@NowEvenBetter

This is bizarre, and not worth agonising over, reclaim your home, boyfriend can live somewhere else, that’s a problem for him to solve with all his free time. If you need to, just date him, outside your house, not sure why you’re paying to have a boyfriend.
He not just a boyfriend we are planning on getting married soon as things are sorted out. We are in fully committed relationship and not just a play boy I let move in. Financially we are just not stable but he said today one day we won't be like this. I appreciate all the advice you all given. But most I thought about myself over and over.
OP posts:
lechatnoir · 10/03/2022 16:00

@Richtea2 are you not comfortable saying why he can't work? I think the problem you have is we are all assuming the worse (drugs, conviction etc) but if he has a genuine reason you might get some more balanced and helpful views.

Unfortunately the more evasive you are the more we all probably quite rightly assume he's just another cocklodger and your life would be so SO much better without
him living in your house!

Acheyknees · 10/03/2022 16:10

Sorry OP but posts like this make me angry. If my DP 'couldn't work at the moment', there is no way he'd expecte me to pay for a 'bootcamp'.
He can get fit for free, where's his motivation? What's he adding to your life?

PeacefulPrune · 10/03/2022 16:13

He is someone who likes to work but can't. One he can he won't be around much.

Sorry I don't understand what you mean there. Can you say a bit more?

liquidrevolution · 10/03/2022 16:54

Do not marry this man. He will not make you happy. Are you happy now?

Your flat so kick him out. You will be better off finacially.

2DogsOnMySofa · 10/03/2022 20:01

he said today one day we won't be like this = which actually means 'once you've worked your fingers to the bone, paid off the mortgage and got a decent pension and married me. So I'll be entitled to half and I've done nothing more than sit on my arse and let you'

Original poster
Richtea2 · 10/03/2022 21:53

[quote lechatnoir]@Richtea2 are you not comfortable saying why he can't work? I think the problem you have is we are all assuming the worse (drugs, conviction etc) but if he has a genuine reason you might get some more balanced and helpful views.

Unfortunately the more evasive you are the more we all probably quite rightly assume he's just another cocklodger and your life would be so SO much better without
him living in your house! [/quote]
It doesn't matter why he can't work some have said what it could be. It could be one of them reasons.

OP posts:
Original poster
Richtea2 · 10/03/2022 21:57

@2DogsOnMySofa

he said today one day we won't be like this = which actually means 'once you've worked your fingers to the bone, paid off the mortgage and got a decent pension and married me. So I'll be entitled to half and I've done nothing more than sit on my arse and let you'
I know once he starts working everything will be okay. He had been down and depressed just this situation is hard.
OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 10/03/2022 22:01

My partner just can't work at the moment which is out of his control

I’m struggling to think why he can’t work but can do boot camp and days out. What’s going to change to make him be able to work and then solve all your problems?

2DogsOnMySofa · 11/03/2022 07:32

I know once he starts working everything will be okay. He had been down and depressed just this situation is hard

So once he's working he'll stop being so selfish??

lechatnoir · 11/03/2022 08:45

Oh @Richtea2 you've clearly made your decision and not going to listen anyone. Unfortunately there are thousands, probably millions of women who have been in your exact same position utterly convinced that their boyfriend was different and would be the one to change. It just doesn't work like that - once a lazy entitled prick, always a lazy entitled prick and you are setting yourself up for life of misery.

Original poster
Richtea2 · 11/03/2022 10:38

I wonder if I got him wrong

He actually doing something for someone and they are paying him.

He just left and gave me a kids on the cheek well I turn my face.
I am not coping with my life at the moment and it's like today feel depressed.

He was talking to someone and this event we help out get payed. Now would of liked to be asked. I am grateful just tired of everything.
Fed up

OP posts:
Original poster
Richtea2 · 11/03/2022 10:38

Kiss*

I need sleep

OP posts:
2DogsOnMySofa · 11/03/2022 10:42

That's fantastic news about him getting paid work. Is he going to treat you to something nice, like a hair cut? Or will he spend it on himself?

NowEvenBetter · 11/03/2022 12:30

You’d have to be on a route to self destruction to marry this bloke.

NowEvenBetter · 11/03/2022 12:33

The bare minimum things he should have done with the job he just did would be-pay all bills, paid for OPs hobbies and treats. Has he done this, OP? (Let me guess..)

Aquamarine1029 · 11/03/2022 12:38

Stop being a doormat and get rid of this feckless cocklodger. What a horrible example for your child. He adds nothing of value to your life and you'd be a fool to marry him. Show him the door.

Swipe left for the next trending thread