Help

[Charlielvzross]

Any advice would be great
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years we don’t have any children together but my youngest son absolutely dotes on him
Our relationship was going great til lockdown then he started drinking more eventually it came to a head and he moved out in to a homeless hostel my parents made me choose him or them I choose him they said would do everything in they power to get rid of him 😭
My parents only hear or see bad side never how much my youngest loves him n holidays etc
Any way my parents hav rang social services on me
Social worker said my partner not allowed to stay overnight when children are here
Social worker phoned me yesterday and said they doing conference call on Monday and opening a case and putting children on child in need case
My head all over do I end things for good with my partner or keep fighting for him

For what reason are social services involved? It won’t be just because he’s homeless or drinks too much. What are you missing from your op?

The police hav been called a few times when he has turned up drunk and I hav refused to let him in

What does "came to a head" mean? Was there a violent event?

No no violence I was sick of him drinking all time so threw in out

My parents made up lies sayin he has hit me they hav phoned social services numerous times

Pick your children, that means get this man out of your life.

I can't believe this is even a question.

Put your children first and get this man out of your life.

God, your poor kids.

He is a drunk. Why do you want him around you and your children? If social services have given you conditions, you follow them. They are not given lightly.

We honestly hav tried to split up but always come bak to one another he is gettin help as has changed so much

Does he have a job? Or does he sit around all day in his hostel getting drunk?
You need to be single for a while and get your confidence back. You can do WAY better than this.

Just for a moment think how your children feel - when a drunk person appears at the door & their Mum feels threatened enough to phone the police?

Don’t normalise this person behaviour - you say your youngest dotes on him …do you want your child to think it’s normal for police to turn up? To get drunk and bang on someone’s door? Find a better role model.

Put your children first , walk away from this relationship and focus on your family.

Has a job yes his drinking has changed he very rarely does now he is getting professional help for it aswel

Thank you my head in such a spin

The children hav never been in house when he has turned up drunk it has been on weekend when children are not at home

I can't believe you're even asking the question tbh. SS are really stretched nowadays. They have serious concerns about the safety of upur children. Why would you even consider 'fighting for' someone who is such a negative influence in their loves.

What happened to you to make you think this is a man you should accept.

You can't move on from a drunk with a temper? Look at the Freedom programme and choose your dc health and wellbeing ahead of an off-on relationship. Your denial is putting them at risk. Learn to set your bar higher. Ss will not be reacting just to your parents' report but consider those of police, school and other agencies.

You need to put your children first here! You could risk losing them over this man.
Everything your parents say to social services is looked into but so are police reports and if they think a child is in danger then it’s acted upon seriously.
As pp have said think of how your youngest feels when this man turns up drunk, it gets to bad that you have tk phone the police. That must terrify him! No holidays or good times can excuse that.
I know you’ll be angry with your parents right now but in all honesty they can see through him, you’ve chosen him but as grandparents they can do everything in their power to protect their grandchildren.
Speak to womens aid.
Get some support and get this man out of your life for the sake of your children!

You need to put your children first and get him out of your lives.
You need to do everything SS ask of you.

Would you accept the kids going to live with their Dad full time so they're safe and you can be with your boyfriend?

If not, then get rid of him. Your kids deserve better.

They said they don’t have concerns but have to follow with allegations my parents hav made

@Charlielvzross

They said they don’t have concerns but have to follow with allegations my parents hav made

If they didn't have concerns they wouldn't be progressing with a child in need plan...

They do have concerns if they told you not to have him stay over. So holidays etc are no longer permitted.

Cooperate with them, be honest about things with your parents as well as the situation with him.

The fact that you wouldn't tolerate his behaviour and told him to leave is good. Maybe offer them details of who he is seeing for his alcohol use (he'd need to on it obviously) Food in the cupboard. Tidy house but still plenty kiddy stuff around.

This happened to my friend and she really didn't cooperate to begin with with just put her on their radar more despite everything being ok!!

They're only there to make sure that all is ok for your son. It's not great that the instigators were your parents but SWs see that stuff all the time and can usually see through it.

Stop fighting for him. Start fighting for your children.

It really is that simple.

I applaud your parents for intervening in this mess. You are old enough to fuck up your life with this man if you want. Your dc are not old enough to make such choices. If you continue down this road with him, other people will make choices for you and your dc.

I've just looked at your username again.