Should I accept this money?

[shouldhestay]

To set the scene I am one of three siblings, I'm far younger than the other two so we had a bit of a different time growing up. For example our parents divorced when I was 8 whereas they were at Uni by that point.

My Dad has recently inherited some money and wants to give it to me.

He wants to pay off my student loan (siblings had grants in their day) and also
give me £40k towards my mortgage.
I have a lot of feelings about this that I'm trying to get my head around.

I've never had any money from my Dad in my adult life (friends parents paid for their weddings, or gave them part of a deposit for a house but I've never had anything like that). I was also poor during childhood when he left mum as she had financial difficulty managing the house on her own,

So on the one hand this would be life changing for me, I have a massive mortgage and small kids and this would make life so much easier. Plus whether I like it of not, I will also be the main care giver for all 3 of our parents/step parents as my siblings live far away and have no interest. E.g. Last year my dads wife passed away and I supported him through that have helped him get his house sorted etc whereas my siblings only visit when they want a holiday.

So on the one hand I think that if that is what he wants to do with his money, I should gratefully accept.

On the other hand, I know it would upset my siblings if they ever found out, and even if they don't, I wonder if I should accept it.

What would you do?
Would I be a bad person to accept?

I am saying this because my grandparents are in their 90's. Still living independently. You could be committing to working part time for many years.

Thanks for all the replies. To answer some of the questions.
Dad is in his 80s. Healthy though.
My siblings would be upset if they knew, I know them well enough to know this would be the case. So I wouldn't tell them.
Dad has said that I shouldn't tell them as it is his choice what he wants to do and he wants me to have it.

Each of us siblings will get a third of the value of his house when he dies.

Having given it some thought.. I think for now I will pay the amount that he's giving me for the student loan (which I'm not currently paying back as I'm part time) into the mortgage and keep the rest back. If he dropped dead next year I think it would be fair to put the additional money (over the student loan amount) back into the mix to be shared equally.

If he out lives the 7 year period of having to pay inheritance tax then I'll likely have also had 7 years of visiting regularly and supporting him, which I'm happy to obvs but as he lives an hour away it does have an impact on how much time I have for my own small family and therefore I feel like I can keep the additional money with a clear conscience.

If he was very frail, he would have to live with us, no question and if that were the case, £40k would actually not stretch very far at all.

It's his money to give. You are of course able to give a share to your siblings if you feel it's inequitable.

It sounds like you and your Mum were had a much tougher time financially than your siblings, due to how old you were when your Dad left. As a result of that, plus the student loan you have, it sounds like your Dad is trying to redress the balance a bit, to make up for your childhood being financially harder than theirs. There is no need to tell your siblings. The remaining estate will be divided equally between you all so your siblings will not be left out. Your Dad is trying to make things right and fair for you. In your circumstances I would accept the money and put it ALL INTO THE MORTGAGE. Don't put the money aside, it will benefit you so much more if you can reduce your mortgage as much as possible now.

If he lives an hour away that is a significant petrol cost that builds up.

I would keep a log of how much you spend on care visits.

IHT liability reduced over the 7 years.

Also may not be payable, depending on the overall size of his eventual state. The threshold rises if you leave property to your children.

I would be inclined to get something in writing from him if poss to set out what he has done and why, so that further down the line you can refute any suggestion you've manipulated him (I do NOT think you are doing so, just anticipating your siblings may allege this)

Take it, shouldhestay. He means well, wants to do something for you at last. It doesn't wipe out the past but it will help you immensely. Go for it.

SIL has been given financial help that DH has not. It's massively hurtful. No real reason why either. All swept under the carpet.
I can only say it's tainted his opinion of his parents irreversibly. He thinks far less of them. SIL lives much closer and now feels somewhat indebted and unable to move. One wonders if that money has been a carrot all along...

I also fear you may be beholden as he ages. He'd be better using that money to buy in care for himself as needed and let you live your free of the burden of the 'main caregiver' role. Surely he wouldn't let you take that on responsibility anyway, let alone move in with you?! Not what I'd want for my DC.

Take it! If your DF wanted them to have it, he would've split it evenly. Don't give it a second thought OP. You've done enough! X

@RandomMess

I would accept.

You have been there for him and will continue to do so in the future. He's rather you had a larger share now to benefit from rather than when he eventually dies.

Agree with this.

I would accept the money to cover the student loans outright.

I would also accept the £40k extra, but put it invest it somewhere separate to any of your other money. Hold it there in case you need to use it to fund you caring for your parents in their old age. If you don't need to use it when they're older then you can decide whether to keep it all or share it with your siblings. Equally, if your siblings find out and feel aggrieved, you can show them that you have kept it aside against your parents future needs.