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Original poster

What type of relationship is this?

34 replies

babybluesmyfave · 06/03/2022 10:53

I'm not a big fan of labels but out of curiosity what type of relationship is this, in your opinion.

We are both divorced, late 40's, live separately, an hour away from each other, kids living with us.

We see one another eow and once or twice on the other week.
We holiday together and with our kids now and again.
We speak every day on the phone and text throughout the day.
We are each other's main source of support and kindness, care and friendship is at the core of our situation.

We enjoy a robust intimate life which, after nearly two years is as exciting as it always was, due to not living together and not seeing each other all the time.

We intend to move in together once kids have flown the nest but that's 5/6 years from now for both of us.

What would you describe this as?
A few friends have asked where' this is going?' I don't even know what ' this' is !

OP posts:
WeOnlyPlannedTheFirst · 06/03/2022 11:01

No idea, but this is 100% the relationship that I have in mind as my ideal!
When my marriage is having a down (pretty regularly) what you have is what I have told my sister I want.

OhMygodddd · 06/03/2022 11:02

I’d describe it as perfect.
Your own lives but with each other as a support system. When you live together and are under each other’s feet and too intertwined that’s when it starts to go wrong

WeOnlyPlannedTheFirst · 06/03/2022 11:02

Also, does it need a label? Does it have to be going anywhere? If you're both happy, don't over-analyse it!

Original poster
babybluesmyfave · 06/03/2022 11:06

@WeOnlyPlannedTheFirst oh I know not to over analyse it, I just never thought about it until a few friends asked me where it was going and would we be moving in.
It really was a lighthearted question to posters as sometimes I just go with the flow and don't think! It doesn't need a label but i find it hard to know what to describe him as when introducing him to people ... boyfriend Hmmpartner ?? I don't know.

OP posts:
MunchyMonsters · 06/03/2022 11:10

This is what I have with my DP, although we see each other most weekends. He's my committed partner, we choose not to live with each other. It's perfect and I don't intend on changing it. Been 4 years now.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 06/03/2022 11:12

Are you not just long distance boyfriend/girlfriend?

FuckThatBullshit · 06/03/2022 11:14

Spending EOW together is literally my perfect relationship. Committed but not suffocating.

Original poster
babybluesmyfave · 06/03/2022 11:15

We are committed and exclusive I should add.

OP posts:
Original poster
babybluesmyfave · 06/03/2022 11:16

@MunchyMonsters Do you foresee a time when you will live together ?

OP posts:
Donut22 · 06/03/2022 11:32

I don't know but I want one 😄sounds perfect to me!

shivermetimbers77 · 06/03/2022 11:40

Sounds bloody great to me 😊

MunchyMonsters · 06/03/2022 11:55

@babybluesmyfave, we will never live with each other, no.

We have both lived with people before (for 20 yrs +) and luckily neither of us want to do it again. Fortunately for both of us financially this isn't a problem.

Original poster
babybluesmyfave · 06/03/2022 11:57

@MunchyMonsters We were the same. We've done it and bought the tee shirt but it would be lovely to have that companionship going into older age.
Who knows! That's the plan but always open to change.

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 06/03/2022 11:58

Sounds perfect! Whatever works is fine, no labels needed.

AdaHopper · 06/03/2022 12:00

We have a name for this kind of relationship in my country. We call it a ´LAT' relationship. LAT means 'living apart together'.

MinglingFlamingo · 06/03/2022 18:24

No idea but sounds perfect.

Where did you find this relationship because that's just what I want? How did you articulate that's what you wanted or did it just evolve naturally like that???

Original poster
babybluesmyfave · 06/03/2022 19:14

It evolved naturally.we both have responsibilities of our children who are our priority, of course . They are of similar ages and have similar needs in that the fall out from our respective relationship breakdowns some years ago have been big so they need lots of parenting and tender care.
Circumstances have led to us both being on the same page so really it's a coincidence.
The bottom line is that we want the same thing so it fell into our laps.
It's hard to define though and people
Do ask , hence my op.
One such toxic acquaintance described it as a FWB which hurt me a little.

OP posts:
alwayslearning789 · 06/03/2022 19:22

Glad you posted, I know what you mean OP...

The questions I go over in my head include:

Yes, it's great now but does this mean we will live apart forever and ever?

What happens when we are older and the kids have gone?

Does this mean the relationship means less to either or both of you, if you have lived with other people before?

Insights from those who are happy with it in the long term like @MunchyMonsters gratefully sought:)

BlubFestival · 06/03/2022 19:35

If you're both commited and exclusive then he's your boyfriend/partner depending on linguistic preference. It's quite a standard (responsible) relationship surely for older people with children from previous relationships who are still at home.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/03/2022 19:38

A few friends have asked where' this is going?'

I'd tell these friends to mind their own business. What's it to them, and why do you care what they think?

toksvig · 06/03/2022 21:16

Living Apart Together. Check out the FB group Apartners for a whole community of us.

Babybeluga123 · 07/03/2022 03:51

My relationship is very similar to this and I would definitely not consider it a FWB! That to me is when you have no emotional attachment. We are in love but just don't live together for child/house/financial reasons. Suits us just fine. When children are grown we will probably live together but I am in no hurry. Having my own space is very important to me. I do call him my boyfriend, which always sounds a bit silly when you're in your late 40s but partner sounds very dull, and a bit misleading when we don't live together.

Weatherwax13 · 07/03/2022 04:26

My DD has been in a similar relationship for about 4 yrs. Suits her down to the ground. She has a stressful job and is very protective of her alone time with her DC.
I think she usually refers to him as her boyfriend. He spends one or two nights a week with her and most weekends they'll join up to do an activity sometimes with her DC or alone if she's at her DF's.
DC gets on brilliantly with the BF but he's a bonus/fun friend. DD made it clear from the outset that she doesn't want him to assume any kind of parental role.
BF seems perfectly accepting of the situation and DD says she has no plans to ever cohabitate again. She's very forthright and I know she told a friend to butt out when she was questioning her about "where is it going though"?

ErinAoife · 07/03/2022 04:30

You never really know someone until you live with him. I had a long distance relationship for years but when we moved in together, it turn to be a different person. How old are your kids? Does he had his kids full time with him?

Monty27 · 07/03/2022 04:57

Sounds like it works. What's not to like OP. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Just smile sympathetically if necessary 😃

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